Longer life spans and improvements in the health of older people suggest that people over the age of sixty-five can continue to live full and active lives. In what ways can society benefit from the contribution that older people can make?
Sample Response
With the tremendous advancement in healthheath care and medical science, people's life expectancy has increasedlife expectancy has become longer than ever before and it is believed that older people can now lead more active lives than they didhave a more active life than they had in the past. Some people opine that senior people can still have productive and active lives and the following essay will discuss how they can makehave positive contributions to societyto the society.
Firstly, it is a fact that people are now working longer than ever before and governments in many countries havegovernment in many countries has been forced to increase the retirement age. Thanks to the latest healthcare facility and scientific advancement for that. Furthermore, it is also noticed that instead of becoming a housewife, many women choose to work nowadays. Consequently, working parents are leaving their children either at a daycare centre or with a babysittereither in a daycare centre or to a babysitter. Having healthy and active grandparents will be beneficial for these families, as they cancould help by taking care of their grandchildren. Grandparents take great care of their grandchildren and this strengthens family tiesthe family tie.
Secondly, healthy and productive senior citizens can contribute to societymake contributions to the societies through volunteer workthrough volunteering jobs. It is a fact that many public facilities such as local libraries need volunteersneed some people to do volunteering jobs. Many older peopleMany of the senior people love to do these kinds of activities, as they give them a chance to socialise and interact with other people. Consequently, by havingAnd then, by having more volunteersvolunteer employees operating coststhe operating cost will be reduced and the fund could be allocated for other important matters.
Thirdly, there are many professions where experienced and older people can contribute far more effectively than younger peoplefar better than young people. For instance, politicians, teachers, researchers, historians, and doctorsresearchers, historian, doctors often need time to produce their best output. Thus older people can remain in these types of professions and serve the people and country for a long timefor a long.
In conclusion, it is true that as the health and medicine sectors have developed, people's life spansspan have become longer. Most of the retired people are still healthy and activein healthy and active conditions. I personally believe that these people can give positive contributions to societies. They could assist their children by taking care of the grandchildren, and they could do volunteering jobs in the neighbourhood. Some of them can even serve the country in different important professions.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response presents a clear, relevant range of benefits and progresses logically through family support, volunteering, and professional expertise. Its main limitation is that some ideas, especially continued professional service, remain briefly developed, while frequent awkward collocations and grammatical slips reduce precision. The highest-priority improvement is to extend each benefit with a specific explanation of its wider social impact while proofreading sentence structure and word choice.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response directly answers the question with three relevant ways older people can benefit society, though the final professional contribution is only briefly developed.
Develop each main benefit with a more specific explanation or example showing its broader effect on society.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically organised into clear paragraphs, and the sequence of ideas is easy to follow despite some mechanical transitions.
Use more natural links between sentences and remove abrupt fragments such as the standalone sentence beginning with “Thanks to”.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficiently varied for the topic, but recurring awkward collocations and repetition reduce precision and naturalness.
Replace phrases such as “senior people” and “volunteering jobs” with more idiomatic alternatives and vary repeated wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates meaning clearly, although agreement, article, plurality, and sentence-fragment errors recur.
Proofread systematically for subject-verb agreement, countable noun forms, articles, and complete sentence construction.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Longer life spans and improvements in the health of older people suggest that people over the age of sixty-five can continue to live full and active lives. In what ways can society benefit from the contribution that older people can make?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.