Popular events like the football World Cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
In this contemporary era, due to globalization, it is very common to play various sports with other nations’ athletes. One school of thought believes this is pivotal to reducing stress between two nations and giving the players a patriotic feeling, whilst another encounters this. Hence, I partially concur with the laid statement, and the reasons for my inclination are articulated in trail paragraphs.
On the one hand, organizing Such an event requires a hefty amount of money as well as human resources. For instance, if a country wants to celebrate worldсuр, they have to take care of other players’ living arrangements, sports facilities and their families. Thus they have to put a high effort into the success of that event, and it not only requires government money but also the valuable time of citizens. Eventually, this is a bad idea because of time and money.
Nevertheless, the organization of such an event is an important part of establishing relations between two governments. To cite an example, after organizing such events, two or more nations come together and exchange their culture, history, and lifestyle, which is Fruitful to know each other very well. Along with that, ruling parties also talk with each other and try to solve the Country’s problems; resultant, they make good friends with each other, which is beneficial in the future and mitigates the stresses between each other.
In addition, while playing in such an event, sportspeople feel that they are just not only themselves but also the whole Country. So, they feel proud on their selves and give their best in their game. Consequently, it inculcated a patriotic emotion in them.
On close scrutiny, I conclude that organizing the world cup helps to lessen the issues between the two nations and also gives a proud moment for players towards their nations. However, the Country has to look out for their budget.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use precise verb Original: play various sports with other nations’ athletes Suggested revision: compete in various sports against athletes from other nations Why it matters: “Compete” describes international sporting participation more precisely than “play with.”
- 2. Wrong verb choice Original: whilst another encounters this Suggested revision: while another opposes it Why it matters: “Encounters” does not express disagreement with a viewpoint.
- 3. Use natural phrase Original: laid statement Suggested revision: stated view Why it matters: “Laid statement” is not a natural expression for the opinion in the prompt.
- 4. Correct signposting phrase Original: articulated in trail paragraphs Suggested revision: explained in the following paragraphs Why it matters: “Trail paragraphs” is not an idiomatic way to refer to the paragraphs that follow.
- 5. Correct capitalization Original: Such Suggested revision: such Why it matters: “Such” should not be capitalized within the sentence.
- 6. Use event verb Original: celebrate worldсuр Suggested revision: host the World Cup Why it matters: A country “hosts” rather than “celebrates” this sporting event.
- 7. Correct collocation Original: put a high effort into Suggested revision: make a great effort to ensure Why it matters: English uses “make an effort,” and the infinitive clearly states its purpose.
- 8. Fix parallel structure Original: it not only requires government money but also the valuable time of citizens Suggested revision: it requires not only government funding but also citizens’ valuable time Why it matters: Placing “not only” after the verb creates a balanced parallel structure.
- 9. Natural role expression Original: is an important part of establishing relations Suggested revision: plays an important role in establishing relations Why it matters: “Play a role in” is the natural collocation for describing this function.
- 10. Fix relative clause Original: which is Fruitful to know each other very well Suggested revision: which helps them understand one another better Why it matters: The original relative clause has faulty capitalization and an ungrammatical infinitive construction.
- 11. Correct number and case Original: the Country’s problems Suggested revision: their countries’ problems Why it matters: The plural parties represent multiple countries, so a plural possessive is needed.
- 12. Use linking adverb Original: resultant, they make Suggested revision: consequently, they build Why it matters: “Consequently” is the correct linking adverb, and “build relationships” is more natural than “make friends” for governments.
Suggested Rewrites
- play various sports with other nations’ athletes compete in various sports against athletes from other nations
- whilst another encounters this while another opposes it
- laid statement stated view
- articulated in trail paragraphs explained in the following paragraphs
- Such such
- celebrate worldсuр host the World Cup
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay presents a discernible position and develops relevant points about international relations and patriotic feeling in a clear paragraph sequence. Its main limitation is that the partial disagreement rests largely on event costs, which only indirectly challenges the stated claim, while frequent awkward expressions reduce precision. The highest priority is to connect every supporting and opposing point directly to whether such events ease tensions and channel patriotism safely.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses both stated benefits and maintains a generally clear qualified position, but the opposing argument is only indirectly relevant and unevenly developed.
Explain precisely how the financial cost limits the claimed benefits, then weigh that limitation against the evidence supporting the position.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing and overall progression are clear, although some transitions are formulaic and several references within sentences are imprecise.
Use fewer stock linking phrases and make pronoun references explicit so each sentence connects cleanly to the preceding claim.
Lexical Resource
There is a reasonable range of topic vocabulary, but numerous unnatural collocations and word choices weaken accuracy and style.
Prioritise natural combinations for hosting events, diplomatic relations, national pride, and public spending instead of forcing ambitious expressions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The essay attempts varied complex sentences, but errors in agreement, articles, pronouns, capitalization, and clause construction occur frequently.
Proofread complex sentences for complete clause structure and accurate agreement, especially where plural nations, governments, or athletes are discussed.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Popular events like the football World Cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.