The continued rise in the world’s population is the greatest problem faced by humanity at the present time. What are the causes of this continued rise? Do you agree that it is the greatest problem faced by humanity?
Sample Response
The rise of human population, an ongoing global concern, is caused by technological advancements since the Industrial Revolution. While this issue is widely considered as one of the most serious problems, in my opinion, the greatest threat to humanity in the 21st century is climate change.
A rapid growth of human population usually coincides with a technological outbreak. Since the Industrial Revolution, human society has gradually shifted from craft production to machines. Thus, for the first time, mass production is available. This situation increases life expectancy of the majority of the people by providing stable food supplies and medical treatments. Consequently, world population has risen; now it has passed the point of 7.5 billion.
The consequences of an increasing population are detrimental. Overpopulation is the reason for overconsumption, which results in resource depletion and environmental degradation. Unemployment is also seen in densely populated areas.
However, climate change, instead of overpopulation, is the biggest global challenge nowadays. Many developed nations have low birth rates due to high level of education; therefore, overpopulation does not happen on a global scale. By contrast, climate change has been affecting both of ecosystems and social systems around the world. From an environmental perspective, climate change creates more extreme weather conditions, thus hampering the agricultural industry. Furthermore, global warming leads to sea level rises, which forces the people in coastal regions to migrate. This situation causes many social issues, such as overpopulation or criminality.
To conclude, the recent rise of world population happens due to technological advancements. Nevertheless, despite human overpopulation and its negative effects, what should be addressed first and foremost is climate change.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix noun phrase Original: rise of human population Suggested revision: rise in the human population Why it matters: Rise takes in when describing an increase in the size of a population.
- 2. Remove unnecessary preposition Original: considered as Suggested revision: considered Why it matters: Considered is followed directly by the complement in this structure.
- 3. Fix growth phrase Original: A rapid growth of human population Suggested revision: Rapid growth in the human population Why it matters: Growth is uncountable here and takes in to identify what is increasing.
- 4. Correct word choice Original: a technological outbreak Suggested revision: technological advances Why it matters: Outbreak describes a sudden unwanted event, while advances conveys technological progress.
- 5. Keep past timeframe Original: mass production is available Suggested revision: mass production became possible Why it matters: The past tense is needed because the sentence describes a consequence of the Industrial Revolution.
- 6. Improve tense and preposition Original: increases life expectancy of the majority of the people Suggested revision: has increased life expectancy for most people Why it matters: The present perfect links the historical change to its current result, and for is the natural preposition.
- 7. Add definite article Original: world population has risen Suggested revision: the world population has grown Why it matters: The global population is a specific singular noun phrase and requires the.
- 8. Use concise verb Original: passed the point of Suggested revision: exceeded Why it matters: Exceeded expresses passing a numerical threshold more precisely.
- 9. Use plural levels Original: level Suggested revision: levels Why it matters: The general variation across many nations calls for the plural noun levels.
- 10. Remove incorrect preposition Original: both of ecosystems Suggested revision: both ecosystems Why it matters: Both directly modifies the coordinated noun phrase without of.
- 11. Use natural term Original: sea level rises Suggested revision: rising sea levels Why it matters: Rising sea levels is the standard phrase for this environmental change.
- 12. Fix agreement and article Original: which forces the people Suggested revision: which force people Why it matters: The relative verb agrees with plural levels, and people is used generically without the.
Suggested Rewrites
- rise of human population rise in the human population
- considered as considered
- A rapid growth of human population Rapid growth in the human population
- a technological outbreak technological advances
- mass production is available mass production became possible
- increases life expectancy of the majority of the people has increased life expectancy for most people
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response is strongest in its clear position and coherent comparison between population growth and climate change, supported by relevant environmental and social consequences. Its main limitation is that the causes of population growth are reduced largely to one broad technological explanation, so this part lacks breadth and nuance. Add another distinct cause and explain each causal mechanism more precisely while correcting the few awkward expressions.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions receive a clear answer and the position is developed, but the explanation of causes relies almost entirely on one broad factor.
Develop at least one additional distinct cause, such as falling mortality or changing family patterns, with a clear causal chain.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses clearly from the stated cause to consequences, comparison with climate change, and a consistent conclusion.
Integrate the short consequences paragraph more closely into the comparative argument so every paragraph advances the central position.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and generally precise across demographic, technological, and environmental topics, with only occasional awkward choices.
Refine isolated combinations such as technological outbreak and both of ecosystems to make otherwise strong expression fully natural.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences are used flexibly and are mostly accurate, although a few article, preposition, and noun-form errors remain.
Proofread noun phrases and fixed constructions, especially articles and structures such as both ecosystems and sea-level rise.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The continued rise in the world’s population is the greatest problem faced by humanity at the present time. What are the causes of this continued rise? Do you agree that it is the greatest problem faced by humanity?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.