Fatherhood ought to be emphasized as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
We live in a modern era where equality is being promoted everywhere including in workplaces, society and even families. This is why child-rearing should be a responsibility that is shared by both parents.
To begin with, traditional roles of males and females are changing, and in some cases, have gone completely reversed. This is why the predefined responsibilities of mothers and fathers are a thing of the past. Traditionally, a mother takes charge of everyday activities of bringing up children, whereas a father is responsible for providing the basics for the children as well as the family. With a shifting trend when engineering universities have more female graduates and males have paternal leaves, this is no longer applicable. Rather a father should share those daily activities, spend as much time as possible with the family, play with the children, read to them, take them out or even clean their diapers, whereas capable females should share the financial responsibilities.
Moreover, a child needs both parents' care, love and attention to properly grow up. Research proves that attention from both parents often instils better qualities and emotional balance in them than in children who grow up without the attention of both. The concept of "fatherhood" is not easy to achieve especially in countries where economic and employment situations are stressful. However, a little effort from both parents can ensure a shared responsibility and better family bonds in which children get the proper care.
In conclusion, parents in modern times should be ready to share their responsibilities for the greater benefit of the child and their family. This is why fatherhood should be as much important as motherhood.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix inclusion phrase Original: everywhere including in workplaces Suggested revision: everywhere, including workplaces Why it matters: The participial phrase needs a comma, and the extra preposition is unnecessary.
- 2. Use passive form Original: gone Suggested revision: been Why it matters: The roles receive the action, so the passive form is required.
- 3. Use precise wording Original: daily activities Suggested revision: daily childcare tasks Why it matters: This phrase identifies the parental responsibilities more precisely.
- 4. Add transition comma Original: Rather a father Suggested revision: Rather, a father Why it matters: A comma should separate the introductory transition from the main clause.
- 5. Correct diaper phrase Original: clean Suggested revision: change Why it matters: English uses change rather than clean for replacing a child's diaper.
- 6. Use natural noun Original: capable females Suggested revision: women Why it matters: Women is the natural and appropriately neutral noun in this context.
- 7. Clarify the outcome Original: better qualities and emotional balance in them Suggested revision: positive qualities and greater emotional balance in children Why it matters: The revision removes the vague comparative and gives the pronoun a clear referent.
- 8. Complete comparison Original: than in children who grow up without the attention of both Suggested revision: than children receive when they grow up without both parents' attention Why it matters: The original comparative does not clearly match the grammatical structure of the first half.
- 9. Use fitting collocation Original: not easy to achieve Suggested revision: difficult to fulfil Why it matters: Fulfil better describes carrying out the responsibilities of fatherhood.
- 10. Clarify responsibility Original: ensure a shared responsibility Suggested revision: ensure that responsibility is shared Why it matters: The clause clearly expresses that both parents share the responsibility.
- 11. Fix comparison form Original: as much important as Suggested revision: as important as Why it matters: The adjective important takes the structure as important as without much.
- 12. Use natural context Original: era Suggested revision: society Why it matters: Society is a more natural setting for a discussion of changing family roles.
Suggested Rewrites
- everywhere including in workplaces everywhere, including workplaces
- gone been
- daily activities daily childcare tasks
- Rather a father Rather, a father
- clean change
- capable females women
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response maintains a clear position and supports shared parenting with relevant discussion of changing roles and children's needs. Its main limitation is uneven precision: several claims remain general, and awkward collocations sometimes weaken an otherwise fluent argument. The highest-priority improvement is to develop one key reason with a specific, credible example while revising unnatural phrases for more exact expression.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear agreement is sustained, and two relevant reasons are explained, though support is sometimes broad or asserted rather than demonstrated.
Develop the strongest reason with a concrete example that shows precisely how shared parenting benefits children or families.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically through a clear introduction, two focused body paragraphs, and a consistent conclusion.
Vary transitions and reduce repeated framing such as ‘This is why’ so relationships between ideas feel less formulaic.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficiently varied for the topic, but several collocations and word choices are imprecise or unnatural.
Replace phrases such as ‘paternal leaves’ and ‘fatherhood is not easy to achieve’ with natural, context-appropriate wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex structures is used with generally clear meaning, although errors in comparison, articles, and clause construction recur.
Proofread complex sentences for complete comparisons, accurate articles, and clear reference, especially in longer explanatory clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Fatherhood ought to be emphasized as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.