Some people say that international sporting events contribute greatly to peace and stability in the world. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Some people express their view that international sporting events play pivotal roles in promoting peace and stability across the globe. I wholeheartedly agree that these events contribute greatly to fostering harmony and stability on a global scale as they provide a unique platform for countries to come together, transcend political differences, and embrace the spirit of healthy competition.
One compelling reason why international sporting events enhance peace and stability is their capacity to foster diplomacy and cultural exchange. When nations participate in these events, they build connections and engage in dialogue beyond geopolitical disputes. The Olympics, for instance, have historically seen instances of athletes from rival nations coming together, exchanging handshakes and expressing mutual respect, promoting a sense of unity that transcends borders. Such moments of camaraderie help build bridges and promote understanding, potentially easing tensions that may exist between nations.
Furthermore, international sporting events promote economic interdependence among nations, which can lead to enhanced cooperation and reduced conflicts. Hosting such events demands extensive collaboration between countries in various sectors, including infrastructure development, hospitality, and logistics. Through these cooperative efforts, nations become mutually reliant, realizing the benefits of peaceful collaboration. For example, the FIFA World Cup hosted by various countries encourages trade and investment, promoting long-term partnerships that extend beyond the event. Such economic interdependence can serve as a strong deterrent against conflicts, as nations have a vested interest in maintaining peaceful relations for continued prosperity.
In conclusion, international sporting events undoubtedly play a crucial role in fostering peace and stability worldwide. By providing a platform for nations to engage in diplomacy, cultural exchange, and economic cooperation, these events contribute to a sense of global unity and mutual understanding.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use direct reporting verb Original: express their view that Suggested revision: argue that Why it matters: The reporting verb states the position more directly and concisely.
- 2. Remove verbal redundancy Original: contribute greatly to fostering Suggested revision: contribute greatly to Why it matters: “Contribute to” already expresses support for the development of harmony.
- 3. Use natural collocation Original: enhance Suggested revision: promote Why it matters: “Promote peace and stability” is the more established collocation.
- 4. Clarify logical relation Original: beyond Suggested revision: despite Why it matters: “Despite” clearly marks the contrast between dialogue and existing disputes.
- 5. Make wording concise Original: have historically seen instances of Suggested revision: have historically featured Why it matters: The single verb conveys the same idea without the wordy construction.
- 6. Correct collocation Original: exchanging handshakes Suggested revision: shaking hands Why it matters: People “shake hands”; they do not normally “exchange handshakes.”
- 7. Use precise wording Original: help build bridges Suggested revision: help strengthen relations Why it matters: This states the diplomatic effect more directly than the metaphor.
- 8. Use count comparison Original: reduced Suggested revision: fewer Why it matters: Use “fewer” with the plural countable noun “conflicts.”
- 9. Use neutral verb Original: demands Suggested revision: requires Why it matters: “Requires” is the more natural verb for a necessary condition.
- 10. Use topic terminology Original: become mutually reliant Suggested revision: become increasingly interdependent Why it matters: “Interdependent” connects this sentence more precisely to the paragraph’s central concept.
- 11. Clarify recurring events Original: the FIFA World Cup hosted by various countries Suggested revision: FIFA World Cups hosted in different countries Why it matters: The plural form makes clear that different editions are hosted in different countries.
- 12. Correct deterrent collocation Original: a strong deterrent against conflicts Suggested revision: a strong deterrent to conflict Why it matters: The standard collocation is “a deterrent to” something.
Suggested Rewrites
- express their view that argue that
- contribute greatly to fostering contribute greatly to
- enhance promote
- beyond despite
- have historically seen instances of have historically featured
- exchanging handshakes shaking hands
Why this response received Band 8.0
The essay sustains a decisive position and develops two distinct mechanisms—diplomatic and cultural contact, then economic interdependence—with relevant illustrations and clear causal links to peace. Its strongest feature is the disciplined paragraph structure and precise policy vocabulary. The main refinement is to qualify the claim that economic cooperation deters conflict, showing awareness that sporting events contribute to peace without necessarily producing it on their own.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is explicit and fully developed through two relevant, well-explained reasons supported by appropriate international sporting examples.
Add a brief qualification about the limits of sporting events so the strong causal claims remain persuasive and proportionate.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay progresses cleanly from thesis to two distinct supporting mechanisms and a focused conclusion, with cohesive links that rarely draw attention to themselves.
Reduce minor repetition of “peace and stability” by using referencing where the meaning remains unambiguous.
Lexical Resource
A broad and precise range includes diplomacy, cultural exchange, geopolitical disputes, economic interdependence, and mutual reliance, all used naturally.
Refine occasional intensifiers such as “undoubtedly” and “greatly” when a more measured formulation would strengthen academic tone.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences, participial clauses, and relative structures are controlled with high accuracy and consistently clear punctuation.
Vary the repeated “Such...” sentence openings to make the already accurate prose more stylistically flexible.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say that international sporting events contribute greatly to peace and stability in the world. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.