The exploration and development of safe alternatives to fossil fuels should be the most important global priority today. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Technological improvements affect our lives in tremendous ways. Each designed car model increase safety standard and reduce fuel requirement per mile. But, unfortunately, each created device affects nature atrociously because of fossil fuel usage. This essay is about possible opportunities of alternative energy and why it needs to be taken care of. First of all, the main reason why the alternative energy is needed to be prioritised is global warming. It has become a serious concern in the world and the underlying reason for this happening is carbon dioxide emission. Reduction of this perilous emission of carbon dioxide could put us one step ahead and the easiest way to reach this goal is the use of alternative energy in our daily life for different reasons such as driving cars, flying planes and to run heaters. Secondly, fossil fuel plants collect limited source which will be depleted eventually. Due to this fact, it is the most expensive energy source for today and will be in the future until its extinction. Also, anyone who wants to collect fuel should build expensive plants and as a result of this sector is controlled by big companies that are known as main subsidises and profiteers of wars. Furthermore, economic effects of fuel make world peace nearly impossible. Many wars erupt because of this material most people concern that "World War III" will strike because of it. On the other hand, safe alternative energy receives its power from nature. Such as, hydropower plants, solar power farms and wind power tribunes. Because of these, possibilities of this limitless power are way too higher than fossil fuel. Also, anyone who wants to collect one of these powers only needs to build the corresponding facility on his area and if produced power is higher than his requirement he could even sell it to the government regarding the newly approved bill. In conclusion, usage of this limitless power will definitely take a great part of our future and because of its possibilities, governments should pay more attention.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural phrasing Original: affects nature atrociously Suggested revision: severely harms the environment Why it matters: This replacement expresses environmental harm in a natural academic collocation.
- 2. Clarify the topic Original: possible opportunities of alternative energy Suggested revision: potential benefits of alternative energy Why it matters: The noun phrase needs a natural collocation that clearly identifies the essay's subject.
- 3. Avoid vague wording Original: why it needs to be taken care of Suggested revision: why it deserves attention Why it matters: The original phrase is vague because energy itself is not something that is cared for in this context.
- 4. Remove the article Original: the alternative energy Suggested revision: alternative energy Why it matters: Alternative energy is used as an uncountable general concept here, so the definite article is unnecessary.
- 5. Use direct modality Original: needed to be prioritised Suggested revision: should be prioritised Why it matters: The modal form states the recommendation more directly and naturally.
- 6. Make wording concise Original: the use of alternative energy in our daily life for different reasons Suggested revision: using alternative energy in daily life for different purposes Why it matters: This revision removes a heavy nominalisation and uses the more suitable word purposes.
- 7. Keep forms parallel Original: flying planes and to run heaters Suggested revision: flying planes and running heaters Why it matters: All items in the list should use the same gerund form.
- 8. Correct the collocation Original: fossil fuel plants collect limited source Suggested revision: fossil fuel plants use finite resources Why it matters: Plants use resources rather than collect a limited source.
- 9. Remove wrong preposition Original: source for today Suggested revision: source today Why it matters: Today functions directly as an adverb here and does not take for.
- 10. Use precise wording Original: until its extinction Suggested revision: until it is depleted Why it matters: A fuel source is depleted rather than becoming extinct.
- 11. Choose accurate verb Original: anyone who wants to collect fuel Suggested revision: anyone who wants to extract fossil fuels Why it matters: Extract is the appropriate verb for obtaining fossil fuels from the ground.
- 12. Repair clause structure Original: and as a result of this sector is controlled Suggested revision: and, as a result, this sector is controlled Why it matters: Of incorrectly turns the following clause into an ungrammatical complement.
Suggested Rewrites
- affects nature atrociously severely harms the environment
- possible opportunities of alternative energy potential benefits of alternative energy
- why it needs to be taken care of why it deserves attention
- the alternative energy alternative energy
- needed to be prioritised should be prioritised
- the use of alternative energy in our daily life for different reasons using alternative energy in daily life for different purposes
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response presents several relevant reasons for developing alternative energy, particularly climate change, finite resources, and geopolitical effects. Its main limitation is that the position on whether this should be the most important global priority remains only implied, while some supporting claims are unclear or insufficiently substantiated. The highest priority is to state the extent of agreement explicitly and develop fewer arguments with precise, credible explanation.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses the topic with several relevant reasons, but its extent of agreement is not explicit and support is uneven.
State a precise position on the superlative claim and develop each main reason with a clear, credible explanation or example.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress through recognizable stages, although the single-block presentation and some abrupt or faulty links weaken cohesion.
Use clear paragraphing for distinct main ideas and connect sentences through logical relationships rather than repeated sequencing phrases.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a reasonably broad vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate word choice and collocation reduce precision.
Prioritize accurate topic collocations such as renewable energy generation and finite reserves, and check unfamiliar words before using them.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of sentence structures is attempted, but frequent agreement, article, preposition, and sentence-boundary errors reduce control.
Edit each sentence for subject-verb agreement and completeness, especially fragments and clauses joined without correct punctuation.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The exploration and development of safe alternatives to fossil fuels should be the most important global priority today. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.