A lot of people believe that the amount of violence shown on TV and in the cinema affects the actions of our young people and therefore increases the amount of violence in our society today. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? What can be done to reduce violence in our society today?
This response is estimated at Band 7.0. Can you write a better one?
Write yours and get clear feedback on all four criteria.
- Closest to official scores
- What to fix on each criterion
- Feedback in about 20 seconds · free
Sample Response
The question of whether the amount of violence on TV and cinema has affected young people in our society is something which cannot be quantified or proved. In my opinion, however,My opinion is though that the answer is “yes, it has”.
TV and cinema today do show a large amount of violence and, although we try toand shield our young people from seeing too much, they still get to watch it. At the age of eighteen in my country they can see everything anyway. Violence on the streets has increased. That has been proved. The connection between television and cinema’s obsessionTV‛s and the cinema‛s obsession with violence and today’stoday‛s street violence cannot be proved but it is logical that the two are connected. Young people imitate what they see and it is logical that they view their violent actions as glamoroussee glamour in what they do when they commit violence.
How can we lessen violence? Reducing the amount of violence on TV and in the cinema would certainly be a good start. Being more vigilant about what age children are when they are exposed to violence in these mediawhen they see violence in these media, and raising the age limits would also help. Another good idea would be to channel young people’s aggressionchannel the violence of young people. I don‛t think that national service should be re-established in this country but, if people are convicted of violence and sent to prison, then why not give them the option of serving in the army. Their violence will be controlled and they will be subjected to discipline so that they will be better able to control themselves when they leave.
Thus I agree with the statement that violence in cinema and on TVcinema and TV violence affects the young people in our society. There are some things that can be done to improvebetter the situation but I doubt whether anything will be done.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response is strongest in its direct position and clear coverage of both the proposed media influence and possible ways to reduce violence. Its main limitation is uneven development: several causal claims are asserted as logical rather than convincingly demonstrated, while the proposal to send violent offenders into the army is questionable and insufficiently examined. The highest-priority improvement is to support fewer solutions with deeper, more credible reasoning.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response answers both questions and maintains a clear position, but some central claims and solutions are only partly developed or persuasive.
Choose the most credible measures and explain their practical mechanism and likely effect instead of relying on assertion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses clearly from the writer's position to causes, solutions, and a concise conclusion, with effective overall paragraphing.
Combine some short, abrupt statements and make the progression within the causal paragraph more explicitly reasoned.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a good range of topic-appropriate vocabulary, though repetition and a few unnatural expressions reduce precision.
Replace vague or awkward phrases such as seeing glamour in violence and bettering the situation with more exact formulations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are frequent and meaning remains clear, although occasional agreement, punctuation, and possessive-form errors occur.
Review agreement in long noun phrases and avoid unnecessary possessive forms when referring generally to television and cinema violence.