Smoking not only harms the smoker, but also those who are nearby. Therefore, smoking should be banned in public places. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Medical studies have shown that smoking not only leads to health problems for the smoker, but also for people close by. As a result of this, many believe that smoking should not be allowed in public places. Although there are arguments on both sides, I strongly agree that a ban is the most appropriate course of action.
Opponents of such a ban argue against it for several reasons. Firstly, they say that passive smokers make the choice to breathe in other people’s smoke by going to places where it is allowed. If they would prefer not to smoke passively, then they do not need to visit places where smoking is permitted. In addition, they believe a ban would possibly drive many bars and pubs out of business as smokers would not go there anymore. They also argue it is a matter of freedom of choice. Smoking is not against the law, so individuals should have the freedom to smoke where they wish.
However, there are more convincing arguments in favour of a ban. First and foremost, it has been proven that tobacco consists of carcinogenic compounds which cause serious harm to a person’s health, not only the smoker. Anyone around them can develop cancers of the lungs, mouth and throat, and other sites in the body. It is simply not fair to impose this upon another person. It is also the case that people’s health is more important than businesses. In any case, pubs and restaurants could adapt to a ban by, for example, allowing smoking areas.
In conclusion, it is clear that it should be made illegal to smoke in public places. This would improve the health of thousands of people, and that is most definitely a positive development.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Tighten transition Original: As a result of this Suggested revision: Consequently Why it matters: A shorter transition makes the causal link more direct.
- 2. Use concise wording Original: the most appropriate course of action Suggested revision: the most appropriate response Why it matters: The replacement conveys the same meaning more concisely.
- 3. Clarify affected group Original: passive smokers make the choice Suggested revision: non-smokers make the choice Why it matters: Passive smokers are the people exposed to smoke, so non-smokers identifies the group more clearly here.
- 4. Fix conditional form Original: If they would prefer Suggested revision: If they prefer Why it matters: The if-clause in this real present condition requires the present simple.
- 5. Use precise term Original: smoke passively Suggested revision: inhale second-hand smoke Why it matters: The replacement describes passive exposure more precisely.
- 6. Improve adverb placement Original: would not go there anymore Suggested revision: would no longer go there Why it matters: No longer is the more natural adverb placement in this formal sentence.
- 7. Add reporting conjunction Original: They also argue it is Suggested revision: They also argue that it is Why it matters: That correctly introduces the reported proposition after argue.
- 8. Correct verb choice Original: tobacco consists of Suggested revision: tobacco contains Why it matters: Contains is the appropriate verb because the compounds are constituents of tobacco.
- 9. Repair comparison Original: which cause serious harm to a person’s health, not only the smoker Suggested revision: which can seriously harm both smokers and people nearby Why it matters: The revision completes the comparison and removes the faulty shift from health to person.
- 10. Use natural phrasing Original: and other sites in the body Suggested revision: and elsewhere in the body Why it matters: Elsewhere in the body expresses the additional locations more naturally.
- 11. Clarify reference Original: impose this upon another person Suggested revision: expose another person to this risk Why it matters: The revision specifies what is being imposed and uses a more precise verb.
- 12. Clarify facility Original: allowing smoking areas Suggested revision: providing designated smoking areas Why it matters: The replacement clearly describes the type of area the businesses could offer.
Suggested Rewrites
- As a result of this Consequently
- the most appropriate course of action the most appropriate response
- passive smokers make the choice non-smokers make the choice
- If they would prefer If they prefer
- smoke passively inhale second-hand smoke
- would not go there anymore would no longer go there
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response presents a clear, consistent position and supports it through a well-organised comparison of opposing arguments, with particularly effective explanation of the health case for a ban. Its main limitation is that some supporting claims are asserted rather than fully evidenced, and a few expressions lack precision. The highest-priority improvement is to develop the rebuttal with a more specific example or explanation of how a public ban would work in practice.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response fully addresses the question with a clear position, relevant counterarguments, and well-developed reasons supporting a ban.
Strengthen the rebuttal further by adding a specific illustration of the public-health or business impact of such a ban.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through a clear introduction, opposing view, supporting case, and concise conclusion, with cohesive devices used effectively.
Make the transition from the opposing case to its rebuttal slightly more explicit so the argumentative relationship is even sharper.
Lexical Resource
A wide and generally precise vocabulary conveys the argument effectively, including appropriate topic-specific language such as “carcinogenic compounds.”
Refine a few slightly awkward expressions, especially references such as “not only the smoker,” to achieve greater precision.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of complex sentence structures is used accurately, with only occasional minor lapses that do not affect clarity.
Polish the few compressed or incomplete comparative structures to maintain consistently precise grammatical relationships.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Smoking not only harms the smoker, but also those who are nearby. Therefore, smoking should be banned in public places. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.