The chart below shows the number of adults participating in different major sports in one area, in 1997 and 2017.
Sample Response
The bar chart illustrates the number of adults participating in various major sport in one area between 1997 and 2017.units majored by numbers.
Overall, while tennis showed the highest amount of participants among the other7 sports in both years, cricket experenced a dramatical fall on the 10. Years period.
Tennis figures represent a moderately surge from 50 to 55 subjects, moving on to basketball, the figure climbed sharply from just over 10 to nearly 21 participant, on the other hand Cricket recorded a dramatical decline in the participants number starting from 25 ending at only 7 recpectively.
Furthermore, a slight increase had been recorded in the golf participant from just over 30 to 33. In contrast swimmming figure remains the same, standing at 35. both Football and Rugby follow a similar trend, by soaring up considerably.
Regarding of Football the number of participants goes up from approximately 31 to 48, likewise, Ruugby rose from 32 to 49 participants.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Plural noun needed Original: major sport in Suggested revision: major sports in Why it matters: Use the plural noun 'sports' after the modifier 'various'.
- 2. Word choice Original: amount of participants Suggested revision: number of participants Why it matters: Use 'number' instead of 'amount' with countable nouns like 'participants'.
- 3. Incorrect sport count Original: other7 sports Suggested revision: other sports Why it matters: The chart shows seven sports in total, so tennis is compared to six other sports.
- 4. Spelling error Original: experenced Suggested revision: experienced Why it matters: Correct the spelling of 'experienced'.
- 5. Incorrect period phrasing Original: dramatical fall on the 10. Years period. Suggested revision: dramatic fall over the 20-year period. Why it matters: Use 'dramatic' and note that the chart covers a 20-year period from 1997 to 2017.
- 6. Adjective required Original: represent a moderately surge Suggested revision: represented a moderate surge Why it matters: Use the adjective 'moderate' to modify the noun 'surge'.
- 7. Inaccurate word choice Original: subjects, Suggested revision: thousand participants, Why it matters: 'Subjects' is inappropriate here; use 'thousand participants' to reflect the chart unit.
- 8. Inaccurate data and plural Original: just over 10 to nearly 21 participant, Suggested revision: under 10 thousand to over 20 thousand participants, Why it matters: In 1997 basketball was below 10 thousand, and in 2017 it reached over 20 thousand.
- 9. Capitalisation error Original: Cricket recorded Suggested revision: cricket recorded Why it matters: Do not capitalise 'cricket' mid-sentence unless starting a sentence.
- 10. Incorrect adjective form Original: dramatical decline Suggested revision: dramatic decline Why it matters: The standard adjective form is 'dramatic'.
- 11. Data unit and spelling Original: participants number starting from 25 ending at only 7 recpectively. Suggested revision: number of participants, falling from around 26 thousand to approximately 7 thousand. Why it matters: Include the unit in thousands and correct the spelling of 'respectively' if used.
- 12. Tense and noun form Original: had been recorded in the golf participant Suggested revision: was recorded in golf participation Why it matters: Use past simple for a finished past time frame and 'participation' or 'participants'.
Suggested Rewrites
- major sport in major sports in
- amount of participants number of participants
- other7 sports other sports
- experenced experienced
- dramatical fall on the 10. Years period. dramatic fall over the 20-year period.
- represent a moderately surge represented a moderate surge
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response successfully covers all major categories in the chart and provides a clear overview highlighting key trends. However, its effectiveness is reduced by significant inaccuracies in data scaling, as figures are given in single digits instead of thousands, along with an incorrect timeframe reference. To achieve a higher score, ensure exact measurement units are used and eliminate frequent grammar, spelling, and sentence-structure errors.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
Key trends are identified, but data units are completely miscalculated by omitting the 'in thousands' scale and misstating the period as a 10-year gap instead of 20 years.
Always check axis labels carefully to include the correct measurement scale (e.g., thousands) and double-check timeframes.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is organized into distinct paragraphs with basic signposting, though logical progression is hampered by abrupt sentence structures and inaccurate reference words.
Group related data points systematically into logical paragraphs and use cohesive devices more accurately to link ideas smoothly.
Lexical Resource
A basic range of vocabulary related to trend description is attempted, but noticeable spelling mistakes and awkward phrasing occur throughout.
Focus on correct spelling of key terms and avoid inaccurate word choices like 'dramatical' or describing participants as 'subjects'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammatical errors are frequent, including punctuation faults, faulty tense usage, and incomplete sentence fragments like the opening line's ending.
Practice constructing clear simple and complex sentences, ensuring proper subject-verb agreement and correct prepositions.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The chart below shows the number of adults participating in different major sports in one area, in 1997 and 2017.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.