The chart below gives information about the age of women in Australia when they gave birth to their first child in 1966, 1986 and 2006.
Sample Response
The given graph presents data comparing the ages when women in Australia gave birth in the years 1966, 1986, and 2006. Overall, birth rates for younger women fell while the number of women having children later in life increased greatly. Women aged 30-34 became the largest group and those with the fewest children were under 19 and over 40.
Looking first of all at younger women, both those under 19 and between 20 and 24 declined over the period. The first group started at around 33% in 1966 before falling to just over 20% in 1986 and ending at nearly 15% in 2006. The 20 to 24 group similarly halved from over 60% in 1966 (leading all ages then) to under 40% in 1986 and finishing at just above 30%.
Mothers aged 25 – 30 were the second highest demographic in 1966 (37%) before fluctuating to over 50% and back down to 42% by 2006. Women in the 30-34 age bracket increased more steadily from 12% to 19% and then surged to become the leader at 47%. 34 – 39 year olds generally mirrored this climb rising from 7% to 12% to 29%. In last position throughout was women aged 40+ who increased in proportion steadily but still made up less than 5% of total mothers.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Name the measure accurately Original: birth rates Suggested revision: percentages Why it matters: The chart shows percentages of women by age at first birth, not birth rates.
- 2. Use proportional measure Original: the number of women having children Suggested revision: the proportion of women having their first child Why it matters: The vertical axis reports percentages and the task concerns first births specifically.
- 3. Avoid changing the meaning Original: those with the fewest children Suggested revision: the smallest proportions were recorded for women Why it matters: The chart compares age-group percentages rather than the number of children each woman had.
- 4. Use precise ranking Original: second highest demographic Suggested revision: second-largest group Why it matters: The comparison concerns the size of an age-group percentage, so second-largest group is clearer.
- 5. Describe the trend accurately Original: fluctuating Suggested revision: rising Why it matters: The figure rises from 1966 to 1986 and only then falls, so fluctuating to misstates the first movement.
- 6. Hyphenate compound age Original: 34 – 39 year olds Suggested revision: 34–39-year-olds Why it matters: A compound age-group noun requires hyphens.
- 7. Fix subject agreement Original: was Suggested revision: were Why it matters: The plural subject women requires were.
- 8. Make proportion the subject Original: who increased in proportion steadily Suggested revision: whose proportion increased steadily Why it matters: The percentage increased, rather than the women themselves.
- 9. Keep first-birth scope Original: total mothers Suggested revision: women giving birth for the first time Why it matters: The task concerns the age at first childbirth, so total mothers is too broad.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: Looking first of all at younger women, both those under 19 and between 20 and 24 declined over the period. Suggested revision: Looking first at younger women, the percentages for both the under-19 and 20–24 groups declined over the period. Why it matters: Age groups themselves do not decline; their recorded percentages do.
Suggested Rewrites
- birth rates percentages
- the number of women having children the proportion of women having their first child
- those with the fewest children the smallest proportions were recorded for women
- second highest demographic second-largest group
- fluctuating rising
- 34 – 39 year olds 34–39-year-olds
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response is well organised and gives a clear overview of the shift from younger to older first-time mothers, with detailed and generally accurate coverage of every age group. Its principal weakness is occasional imprecision in describing percentages as numbers of women, children, or shares of total mothers; the priority is to keep every comparison tied precisely to what the vertical scale represents while maintaining the strong selection of data.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The overview identifies the central age shift, and the detailed comparisons cover all six groups with generally accurate values.
Describe the figures consistently as percentages of women rather than as numbers of women, children, or proportions of all mothers.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is grouped effectively into younger and older cohorts, and progression within each paragraph is easy to follow.
Make the final comparison slightly more explicit by linking the sustained low rate for women over 40 to the other older groups.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and precise overall, with effective choices such as 'halved', 'fluctuating', 'surged', and 'mirrored'.
Replace potentially misleading phrases such as 'fewest children' with the exact measure shown, such as 'the lowest percentage'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of sentence forms is used accurately, with only isolated lapses such as 'was women aged 40+'.
Proofread subject-verb agreement in inverted structures, using 'were women aged 40+' in the final sentence.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The chart below gives information about the age of women in Australia when they gave birth to their first child in 1966, 1986 and 2006.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.