The pie chart shows the percentage of persons arrested in the five years ending 1994 and the bar chart shows the most recent reasons for arrest.
Sample Response
The pie chart illustrates the percentage of males and females who were arrested from 1989 to 1994, while the bar chart compares the main reasons that the different genders were arrested most recently. It is evident from the charts that males were arrested more than females and that public drinking was the most common reason for arrest for both. To begin, the proportion of males arrested was much greater than for females. 32% were arrested compared to only 9% for women. Turning to the reasons for the most recent arrests, there were some clear differences between men and women. Men were twice as likely to be arrested for drink driving than women, at 26% and 14% respectively. Breach of order, theft, and other reasons were also slightly higher for men, with all these offences standing in the range of 12-18% for both sexes. Interestingly though, women experienced a higher percentage of arrest rates for assault and public drinking. The figures for assault were fairly similar at approximately 18%, whereas public drinking represented the main reason for arrest, with women at a massive 38%, compared to 31% for men. In a small percentage of cases, no answer was given.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise phrasing Original: main reasons that the different genders were arrested most recently Suggested revision: main reasons for the most recent arrests of each gender Why it matters: This wording expresses the chart category more directly and naturally.
- 2. Compare proportions precisely Original: males were arrested more than females Suggested revision: a higher proportion of males than females were arrested Why it matters: The pie charts compare percentages of each gender rather than absolute arrest totals.
- 3. Fix comparison form Original: than for females Suggested revision: than that of females Why it matters: The proportion for males must be compared with the corresponding proportion for females.
- 4. Correct ratio comparison Original: twice as likely to be arrested for drink driving than women Suggested revision: almost twice as likely as women to be arrested for drink driving Why it matters: The values are 26% and 14%, so “almost twice” is accurate and “as ... as” is grammatical.
- 5. Correct the range Original: all these offences standing in the range of 12-18% for both sexes Suggested revision: these figures ranging from about 12% to 19% across both sexes Why it matters: The male figure for other reasons is about 19%, which lies outside the stated range.
- 6. Use accurate collocation Original: women experienced a higher percentage of arrest rates Suggested revision: women had higher proportions of arrests Why it matters: People do not “experience” arrest rates, and “percentage of arrest rates” is redundant.
- 7. Give both values Original: figures for assault were fairly similar at approximately 18% Suggested revision: figures for assault were fairly similar, at about 17% for men and 19% for women Why it matters: Stating both values makes the comparison more precise.
- 8. Keep tone objective Original: a massive 38% Suggested revision: about 38% Why it matters: “Massive” is subjective language for a neutral statistical report.
- 9. Sentence rewrite Original: 32% were arrested compared to only 9% for women. Suggested revision: The figures were 32% for men and 9% for women. Why it matters: Naming both groups makes the comparison unambiguous.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: In a small percentage of cases, no answer was given. Suggested revision: No answer was recorded for about 4% of men and 7% of women. Why it matters: The chart provides separate values, so reporting them makes this final feature more informative.
Suggested Rewrites
- main reasons that the different genders were arrested most recently main reasons for the most recent arrests of each gender
- males were arrested more than females a higher proportion of males than females were arrested
- than for females than that of females
- twice as likely to be arrested for drink driving than women almost twice as likely as women to be arrested for drink driving
- all these offences standing in the range of 12-18% for both sexes these figures ranging from about 12% to 19% across both sexes
- women experienced a higher percentage of arrest rates women had higher proportions of arrests
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response gives a clear, accurate account of the principal patterns and supports them with well-selected comparisons, while its language is generally fluent and varied. Its main limitation is slight imprecision when grouping some arrest reasons, alongside a few awkward expressions. The highest priority is to preserve the strong overview while reporting every grouped category with exact figures and more neutral, precise wording.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A clear overview and well-selected comparisons accurately cover nearly all major information in both charts.
Report grouped categories with exact values and distinguish small gender differences more precisely.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report progresses logically from the overview to arrest rates and then to the reasons for arrest.
Use distinct paragraphs for the overview and detailed comparisons to make the structure even easier to scan.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and generally precise, with effective language for comparison and proportion.
Replace emphatic or awkward phrases with neutral statistical wording and more natural collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of sentence forms is handled accurately, and the few slips do not hinder meaning.
Refine comparative patterns and noun phrases so that every complex sentence reads naturally.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The pie chart shows the percentage of persons arrested in the five years ending 1994 and the bar chart shows the most recent reasons for arrest.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.