The charts below show the percentage of people aged 23-65 in different occupations in one UK town (Ashby) and in the UK as a whole in 2008.
Sample Response
The pie charts illustrates the employment status of people aged 23 to 65, in Ashby and in the UK, in 2008.
Overall, the national unemployment rate was lower than the rate in Ashby. Moreover, while British people generally preferred office work, personal service was the most popular profession in Ashby.
The percentage of jobless people in Ashby was 14%, whereas that recorded in the whole nation was only 10%. The percentage of Ashby residents who were employed in office work and shop work were 18% and 14% respectively, similar to that of the whole of the UK, at 19% and 13% respectively.
In addition, the UK recorded a relatively high proportion of citizens employed in technical work, at 17%, while the figure for the same type of employment in Ashby was only about half that, at 9%. Furthermore, the percentage of construction workers and personal service providers in Ashby, at 16% and 21%, were both higher than the corresponding figures of the UK, at 10% and 17% respectively. Lastly, with regards to professional occupations, 8% of Ashby residents did this type of work, compared to 14% of the whole population.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix subject agreement Original: illustrates Suggested revision: illustrate Why it matters: The plural subject “charts” requires the base verb “illustrate.”
- 2. Describe chart scope Original: employment status Suggested revision: occupational distribution Why it matters: The charts show how people are distributed across occupations as well as unemployment.
- 3. Avoid unsupported preference Original: British people generally preferred office work Suggested revision: office work accounted for the largest share in the UK Why it matters: The chart reports employment shares and provides no evidence about personal preferences.
- 4. Use precise category term Original: most popular profession Suggested revision: largest occupational category Why it matters: “Largest occupational category” describes the chart more precisely than “most popular profession.”
- 5. Use plural percentages Original: The percentage of Ashby residents who were employed in office work and shop work were Suggested revision: The percentages of Ashby residents employed in office work and shop work were Why it matters: Two separate figures require the plural noun “percentages.”
- 6. Match plural reference Original: that of the whole of the UK Suggested revision: those for the whole of the UK Why it matters: The pronoun must refer to the two percentages just mentioned.
- 7. Use plural percentages Original: percentage Suggested revision: percentages Why it matters: The sentence reports two different proportions, so the plural form is needed.
- 8. Fix fixed expression Original: regards Suggested revision: regard Why it matters: The standard expression is “with regard to.”
- 9. State correct population Original: the whole population Suggested revision: the UK population aged 23–65 Why it matters: The 14% figure refers specifically to people aged 23–65 in the UK.
- 10. Use concise age range Original: aged 23 to 65 Suggested revision: aged 23–65 Why it matters: An en dash gives a concise standard form for the stated age range.
- 11. Avoid repeated preposition Original: in Ashby and in the UK Suggested revision: in Ashby and the UK Why it matters: The shared preposition can govern both locations without repetition.
- 12. Match chart terminology Original: jobless Suggested revision: unemployed Why it matters: “Unemployed” matches the chart’s category label and is more formal.
Suggested Rewrites
- illustrates illustrate
- employment status occupational distribution
- British people generally preferred office work office work accounted for the largest share in the UK
- most popular profession largest occupational category
- The percentage of Ashby residents who were employed in office work and shop work were The percentages of Ashby residents employed in office work and shop work were
- that of the whole of the UK those for the whole of the UK
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response gives a clear overview and accurately covers every occupational category, with effective comparisons between Ashby and the UK. Its main limitation is occasional imprecise wording and several agreement errors, although these do not impede understanding. The highest-priority improvement is to use neutral data-description language and check subject-verb agreement, especially when the subject is a singular percentage or chart.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A clear overview identifies the principal contrasts, and all seven categories are reported and compared accurately.
Describe the leading categories as the largest proportions rather than suggesting that people preferred particular occupations.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically grouped, progresses clearly from the overview to detailed comparisons, and is linked smoothly.
Reduce the slightly formulaic sequencing of the final paragraph to make the progression even more natural.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a good range of appropriate language for proportions and comparisons, with only occasional imprecision.
Choose exact statistical wording such as largest proportion and avoid imprecise terms such as profession or whole population.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A varied range of complex sentences is handled well, though several subject-verb agreement errors remain.
Check agreement in phrases such as the pie charts illustrate and the percentage was before finalising the response.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The charts below show the percentage of people aged 23-65 in different occupations in one UK town (Ashby) and in the UK as a whole in 2008.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.