The graph below shows the changes in maximum number of Asian elephants between 1994 and 2007.
Sample Response
The graph shows the estimated maximum population of elephants in a range of Asian countries in both 1997 and 2004.
In most of the countries included in the graph, the population fell. This was most noticeable in Malaysia and Thailand, where the number of elephants was thought to be less than half the figure in 1997. In the former, the number of elephants dropped as low as 1000. India remained the country with by far the largest elephant population, but experienced a dramatic fall in numbers so that in 2004 there may have been as few as 7500. Despite its size, China had a very small population of at most 500 elephants by 2004.
Although the trend was downwards overall, elephant populations were thought to have remained stable in Laos and Vietnam at approximately 1200. The only country where elephants showed signs of recovering was Cambodia, where numbers may have risen by up to 200.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use a countable measure Original: population Suggested revision: numbers Why it matters: The chart reports estimated numbers across several countries, so the plural count phrase is more precise.
- 2. Make the phrasing concise Original: In most of the countries included in the graph Suggested revision: In most countries shown Why it matters: This revision conveys the same scope more directly.
- 3. Use the plural subject Original: the population fell Suggested revision: elephant populations fell Why it matters: The statement refers to separate populations in several countries.
- 4. Clarify the comparison Original: less than half the figure in 1997 Suggested revision: less than half their 1997 levels Why it matters: The plural possessive comparison clearly refers to both countries.
- 5. Name the country directly Original: In the former Suggested revision: In Malaysia Why it matters: The country name is clearer than making the reader resolve 'the former'.
- 6. Use approximate chart language Original: at most 500 Suggested revision: approximately 500 Why it matters: The bar indicates an estimated value of about 500 rather than an upper bound.
- 7. State the change precisely Original: risen by up to 200 Suggested revision: risen by about 200 Why it matters: Cambodia's bars show an estimated increase of roughly 200.
- 8. Sentence rewrite Original: Although the trend was downwards overall, elephant populations were thought to have remained stable in Laos and Vietnam at approximately 1200. Suggested revision: Although the overall trend was downward, the elephant population remained stable in Laos and changed only slightly in Vietnam, at around 1,200 in 2004. Why it matters: The graph shows stability in Laos but a small decline in Vietnam.
- 9. Consolidate the overview Suggested revision: Present the general decline and Cambodia's exception together before moving into individual country details. Why it matters: Bringing the two overview features together would create a clearer progression from summary to detail.
- 10. Cover omitted major countries Suggested revision: Add a concise comparison for Myanmar and Sri Lanka, which had substantial populations and moderate declines. Why it matters: These prominent middle-range values are omitted from the detailed coverage.
Suggested Rewrites
- population numbers
- In most of the countries included in the graph In most countries shown
- the population fell elephant populations fell
- less than half the figure in 1997 less than half their 1997 levels
- In the former In Malaysia
- at most 500 approximately 500
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response is concise, well organized, and uses flexible language to highlight the dominant downward trend and the most significant country comparisons. Its main limitation is minor data imprecision, particularly the understated rise in Cambodia and the treatment of Vietnam as stable; the highest priority is to verify every exceptional trend and quoted figure against the graph before finalizing the report.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A clear overview and well-selected comparisons cover the principal trends, but Cambodia rose by about 300 rather than 200 and Vietnam declined slightly rather than remaining fully stable.
Retain the strong selection of features while checking the exact values and direction of change for every stated exception.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information progresses smoothly from the overall decline and major falls to stable or rising exceptions, with clear referencing and controlled cohesion.
For even sharper progression, make the overview a fully distinct statement before developing the country comparisons.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied, precise, and natural, with effective expressions for scale, decline, stability, and recovery.
Maintain this range while choosing wording that reflects small movements exactly, such as a slight decline rather than remained stable.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of sentence structures is used accurately and flexibly, with consistently clear control of complex comparisons.
Sustain the same grammatical control while keeping numerical qualifications attached unambiguously to the countries and years they describe.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below shows the changes in maximum number of Asian elephants between 1994 and 2007.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.