The tables and pie chart show in percentage terms of the results of a survey of a new shopping complex in Auckland, New Zealand. Shops Restaurants Design
Sample Response
The provided charts show how people felt about a new shopping complex in Auckland, New Zealand (regarding its shops, restaurants and design). Overall, larger proportions of participants were satisfied or very satisfied with the shopping mall than those who were dissatisfied or had neutral opinions. To begin with, 17% of men participants said that they were extremely pleased with the shops and this figure for female shoppers was exactly twice as much. At the same time, 45% men referred to their experience as satisfactory, which was 37% for females shoppers. One in five men were dissatisfied about the shops and the same proportion of women shared this view as well. Moreover, 18% male and 9% female did not make any comment about their experience of shopping. Regarding restaurants, 20% of all women had neutral opinions, slightly greater than 15% of the opposite gender. Additionally, 21% of women shoppers were dissatisfied with restaurant quality and service. But, over 50% of men were satisfied and exactly a quarter was very pleased. On the other hand, above 30% of women felt content and less than 30% felt very pleased. Finally, the pie chart shows that 62 per cent of all interviewees were satisfied with the design of the shopping mall, and 17 per cent were very satisfied. On the other hand, the proportions of those who were not pleased or had no comments ranged between 10 and 11 per cent.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix noun modifier Original: men participants Suggested revision: male participants Why it matters: Use an adjective rather than the plural noun to modify participants.
- 2. Match chart label Original: extremely pleased Suggested revision: very satisfied Why it matters: Use the chart's exact response category for precise reporting.
- 3. Compare figures correctly Original: this figure for female shoppers was exactly twice as much Suggested revision: the figure for female shoppers was exactly twice as high Why it matters: Use twice as high, rather than twice as much, when comparing percentages.
- 4. Add missing preposition Original: 45% men Suggested revision: 45% of men Why it matters: A percentage followed by a group requires of here.
- 5. Use exact category Original: referred to their experience as satisfactory Suggested revision: were satisfied Why it matters: This wording matches the table's Satisfied category directly.
- 6. Fix comparison phrase Original: which was 37% for females shoppers Suggested revision: compared with 37% of female shoppers Why it matters: This forms a grammatical comparison and uses female correctly as a modifier.
- 7. Report exact percentage Original: One in five men Suggested revision: 20% of male shoppers Why it matters: The exact percentage aligns more clearly with the tabulated data.
- 8. Correct preposition Original: dissatisfied about Suggested revision: dissatisfied with Why it matters: Dissatisfied takes with when referring to the object of dissatisfaction.
- 9. Fix percentage phrase Original: 18% male Suggested revision: 18% of men Why it matters: Use of before the group represented by the percentage.
- 10. Fix percentage phrase Original: 9% female Suggested revision: 9% of women Why it matters: Use of before the group represented by the percentage.
- 11. Avoid unsupported detail Original: restaurant quality and service Suggested revision: the restaurants Why it matters: The visual records reactions to the restaurants but does not separate quality from service.
- 12. Fix contrast linker Original: But, Suggested revision: By contrast, Why it matters: By contrast introduces the comparison cleanly without the incorrect comma after But.
Suggested Rewrites
- men participants male participants
- extremely pleased very satisfied
- this figure for female shoppers was exactly twice as much the figure for female shoppers was exactly twice as high
- 45% men 45% of men
- referred to their experience as satisfactory were satisfied
- which was 37% for females shoppers compared with 37% of female shoppers
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response gives a clear overview and accurately reports almost all of the principal figures, with effective comparisons across gender and survey categories. Its main limitation is presentation: the entire report forms one paragraph, while several recurring noun-form and collocation errors reduce grammatical and lexical precision. The highest-priority improvement is to divide the account into logical overview and detail paragraphs, then proofread percentage constructions and participant labels for consistently natural, accurate phrasing.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
A clear overview and accurate coverage of all three survey areas are supported by well-selected gender comparisons and figures.
Add the omitted restaurant details, especially the low male dissatisfaction rate and the no-comment figures, to make coverage fully comprehensive.
Coherence and Cohesion
The information progresses logically from shops to restaurants and design, although the single-paragraph format and some repetitive transitions weaken organisation.
Separate the overview and the two sets of supporting details into distinct paragraphs, using contrast markers only where the relationship genuinely requires them.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied enough to describe reactions and comparisons precisely, but phrases such as "men participants" and "dissatisfied about" are occasionally unnatural.
Use consistent, natural labels such as "male respondents" and check adjective-preposition combinations such as "dissatisfied with".
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A good range of complex sentences remains clear throughout, despite recurring errors in determiners, noun forms, and percentage constructions.
Proofread quantified noun phrases for missing prepositions and agreement, for example changing "45% men" to "45% of men".
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