The line graph below shows the number of annual visits to Australia by overseas residents. The table below gives information on the country of origin where the visitors came from. Number of Visitors (million) SOUTH KOREA JAPAN CHINA USA BRITAIN EUROPE 2.9 3.2 0.3 0.4 0.9 1.1 9.1 12.0 0.8 1.1 2.9 4.5 8.8 30.4
Sample Response
The given line graph and table give data on the number of foreign travellers who visited Australia from the year 1975 to 2005 and shows where they came from. As is observed from the given illustrations, the number of overseas visitors increased steadily each year and the highest number of tourists came to Australia from Japan and South Korea. As is presented in the given line graph, around 9 million tourists came to Australia initially in 1975. This number kept on increasing steadily and reached over 15 million in 1985. In the year the number of tourists who visited Australia reached to 24 million and finally in 1995, this number rocketed to well over 30 million. The number increased each year starting from 1975 and in 30 years, the total tourists’ number got well over 30 million. The table then compares the foreign tourists who visited Australia in 1975 and 2005 and shows the origins of these tourists. In 1975, total 8.8 millions of tourists visited Australia and among them, 2.9 million came from South Korea and 3.2 million from Japan. The remaining travellers came from China, USA, Britain and Europe. After 30 years in 2005, the total Australia visiting tourists increased to 30.4 million compared to the 8.8 million in 30 years back. 9.1 millions of South Korean tourists came to visit Australia in 2005 and this number is more than 3 times compared to tourists number of 1975. In 2005 the Japanese tourists’ number increased to almost four times than the tourists’ number of 1975. The tourists’ number increased for all the given six countries in 2005 than the tourists of 1975. The majority of the tourists came to visit Australia from Asia than the USA and Europe. In 2005, around 22 millions of tourists came to Australia from Asian countries compared to the remaining 8.5 millions of tourists from Britain, the USA and Europe.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Clearer wording Original: give data Suggested revision: gives data Why it matters: This revision is more accurate, natural and precise in context.
- 2. Grammar fix Original: and shows Suggested revision: and show Why it matters: This revision is more accurate, natural and precise in context.
- 3. Clearer wording Original: increased steadily each year Suggested revision: increased steadily across the period Why it matters: This revision is more accurate, natural and precise in context.
- 4. Clearer wording Original: reached to 24 million Suggested revision: reached 24 million Why it matters: This revision is more accurate, natural and precise in context.
- 5. Clearer wording Original: finally in 1995 Suggested revision: in 1995, before reaching its final value in 2005 Why it matters: This revision is more accurate, natural and precise in context.
- 6. Grammar fix Original: rocketed Suggested revision: rose Why it matters: This revision is more accurate, natural and precise in context.
- 7. Clearer wording Original: tourists’ number Suggested revision: number of tourists Why it matters: This revision is more accurate, natural and precise in context.
- 8. Clearer wording Original: total 8.8 millions Suggested revision: a total of 8.8 million Why it matters: This revision is more accurate, natural and precise in context.
- 9. Clearer wording Original: Australia visiting tourists Suggested revision: tourists visiting Australia Why it matters: This revision is more accurate, natural and precise in context.
- 10. Grammar fix Original: in 30 years back Suggested revision: 30 years earlier Why it matters: This revision is more accurate, natural and precise in context.
- 11. Clearer wording Original: 9.1 millions Suggested revision: 9.1 million Why it matters: This revision is more accurate, natural and precise in context.
- 12. Clearer wording Original: more than 3 times compared to Suggested revision: more than three times the Why it matters: This revision is more accurate, natural and precise in context.
Suggested Rewrites
- give data gives data
- and shows and show
- increased steadily each year increased steadily across the period
- reached to 24 million reached 24 million
- finally in 1995 in 1995, before reaching its final value in 2005
- rocketed rose
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response identifies the sustained rise in total visits and correctly highlights Japan and South Korea as the largest sources, while using a clear overview-to-detail structure. Its main weakness is imprecise chronology and several awkward or inaccurate comparisons; the priority is to report each year and figure unambiguously, then express country changes with accurate comparative language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The task is addressed with relevant content, but key details or reasoning need fuller precision.
Develop the main features or claims with exact, verifiable support.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has a clear overall structure, though local progression can be more precise.
Use explicit, economical sequencing and remove repetition.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficient for the task, but several collocations or word choices are inaccurate.
Replace awkward combinations with standard academic or task-specific phrasing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of forms is attempted, but recurring grammar errors reduce accuracy.
Proofread agreement, articles, prepositions and clause structure.