The table below shows the percentage of journey by different means in 4 countries and the bar graph shows the reasons for Canadian people to use a car to reach their workplace.
Sample Response
The table data presents information on modes of transportations used by the citizens in four countries while the bar chart shows the reasons for using cars by Canadians to reach their offices. Overall, the car is the most preferred transportation and most of the people in Canada travel by cars because they think they do not have a better alternative or their need for work. According to the table, nine out of ten journeys in Canada are made by private cars and Canadian people use cars for commuting more than the people in other countries do. The bicycle is used by Dutch citizens for about half of their journeys while the people in other countries, scarcely use bicycles for their movements. Similarly, Dutch people walks more than the citizens of other countries and their walking comprises 18% of their total journey. German and Belgians also preferred to walk while Canadians scarcely do it. German use public transport more than mass people in other countries do which counts 18 percent of their total journey. Based on the bar graph, more than one-third Canadians use cars to reach their workplace because they think they do not have any better alternative. Three out of ten persons use personal cars for their work-need while more than 5% people are forced to use personal cars because they work night shifts. One in every five persons thinks that journey in a car to the office is more convenient while just over 10% citizens do that for faster travelling.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Uncountable noun Original: modes of transportations Suggested revision: modes of transportation Why it matters: Transportation is normally uncountable in this phrase.
- 2. Qualify overview Original: the car is the most preferred transportation Suggested revision: cars are the dominant mode in Canada, Belgium, and Germany Why it matters: In the Netherlands, cars are still highest but much less dominant, and bicycles are significant.
- 3. Parallel phrase Original: their need for work Suggested revision: because they need cars for work Why it matters: The phrase is not parallel with the previous reason.
- 4. Wrong value Original: for about half of their journeys Suggested revision: for just over a quarter of their journeys Why it matters: The Netherlands bicycle figure is 26%, not about half.
- 5. Remove comma Original: people in other countries, scarcely use bicycles Suggested revision: people in other countries scarcely use bicycles Why it matters: The comma incorrectly separates the subject from the verb.
- 6. Agreement Original: Dutch people walks Suggested revision: Dutch people walk Why it matters: The plural subject people needs walk.
- 7. Plural nationality Original: German and Belgians Suggested revision: Germans and Belgians Why it matters: Use plural forms for groups of people.
- 8. Wrong phrase Original: mass people in other countries Suggested revision: people in the other countries Why it matters: Mass people is not natural English.
- 9. Add preposition Original: more than one-third Canadians Suggested revision: more than one-third of Canadians Why it matters: Use of after fraction expressions.
- 10. Natural noun phrase Original: work-need Suggested revision: work needs Why it matters: Work-need is not a standard noun phrase here.
- 11. Correct bicycle data Original: The bicycle is used by Dutch citizens for about half of their journeys while the people in other countries, scarcely use bicycles for their movements. Suggested revision: Bicycles are used for 26% of journeys in the Netherlands, far higher than the 1-2% recorded in the other three countries. Why it matters: This corrects the major data error and improves comparison.
- 12. Fix agreement Original: Similarly, Dutch people walks more than the citizens of other countries and their walking comprises 18% of their total journey. Suggested revision: Similarly, Dutch people walk more than citizens of the other countries, with walking accounting for 18% of their journeys. Why it matters: This fixes agreement and noun forms.
Suggested Rewrites
- modes of transportations modes of transportation
- the car is the most preferred transportation cars are the dominant mode in Canada, Belgium, and Germany
- their need for work because they need cars for work
- for about half of their journeys for just over a quarter of their journeys
- people in other countries, scarcely use bicycles people in other countries scarcely use bicycles
- Dutch people walks Dutch people walk
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The response covers both the transport-mode table and the Canadian reasons bar chart and gives several useful comparisons. However, it misreads the Dutch bicycle figure as about half instead of 26%, overgeneralises car use as the most preferred transport in all countries, and sometimes uses imprecise percentages.
Correct the Netherlands bicycle value, compare car dominance by country, and report the Canadian reasons with approximate values from the bar chart.
Coherence and Cohesion
The answer has a clear overview and then moves from table to bar chart. It is easy to follow, but it is one paragraph and some sentences are overloaded with several comparisons.
Use separate paragraphs for transport modes and Canadian reasons, with a shorter overview.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary range is adequate, including preferred, commuting, convenient, alternative, and night shifts. Some collocations and word forms are inaccurate, such as modes of transportations, movements, and mass people.
Use natural transport vocabulary such as modes of transport, journeys, commuters, and public transport users.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammar errors are frequent with plurals, agreement, articles, and punctuation. Meaning is mostly clear, but several sentences need editing for control.
Check plural nouns after percentages, agreement with country names, and comma use before adverbs such as scarcely.