The line graph below shows the number of annual visits to Australia by overseas residents. The table below gives information on the country of origin where the visitors came from. Number of Visitors (million) SOUTH KOREA JAPAN CHINA USA BRITAIN EUROPE 2.9 3.2 0.3 0.4 0.9 1.1 9.1 12.0 0.8 1.1 2.9 4.5 8.8 30.4
Sample Response
The provided graphs and the table show data on the number of overseas travellers visited Australia from the year 1975 till 2005 and their origin where they came from. As is observed in the line graph, in 1975 8.8 million of foreign travellers visited Australia and this number increased steadily each year. In 2005, this visitor’s number reached to 30.4 million which is almost double than the visitors’ number in 1985. The highest number of tourists came from Japan. In 1975, more than 3 million tourists came from Japan which is more than the total tourists came from Europe, Britain, China and USA. This number reached to 12 million in 2005 which contributed one-third of the total tourist of this year. The second largest tourists came to Australia from South Korea both in 1975 and in 2005. The Chinese tourist is the lowest in number among the 6 regions. In short, the number of total tourists who came to visit Australia increased steadily and the highest number of tourist came from Asia, specifically from Japan and South Korea.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix clause Original: the number of overseas travellers visited Australia Suggested revision: the number of overseas travellers who visited Australia Why it matters: The noun phrase needs a relative clause.
- 2. Avoid repetition Original: their origin where they came from Suggested revision: their countries of origin Why it matters: Origin already means where they came from.
- 3. Remove of Original: 8.8 million of foreign travellers Suggested revision: 8.8 million foreign travellers Why it matters: Do not use of after a number before this noun phrase.
- 4. Natural phrase Original: this visitor’s number Suggested revision: the number of visitors Why it matters: Visitor's number is not natural here.
- 5. Remove preposition Original: reached to 30.4 million Suggested revision: reached 30.4 million Why it matters: Reach does not take to before a number.
- 6. Comparison form Original: almost double than Suggested revision: almost double Why it matters: Use double without than.
- 7. Add relative clause Original: the total tourists came from Europe, Britain, China and USA Suggested revision: the total number of tourists who came from Europe, Britain, China and the USA Why it matters: The sentence needs who came from and an article before USA.
- 8. Plural noun Original: one-third of the total tourist Suggested revision: one-third of the total tourists Why it matters: Tourist should be plural after total in this context.
- 9. Natural category Original: The Chinese tourist is the lowest in number Suggested revision: Visitors from China were the fewest Why it matters: This describes the group more naturally and accurately.
- 10. Rewrite introduction Original: The provided graphs and the table show data on the number of overseas travellers visited Australia from the year 1975 till 2005 and their origin where they came from. Suggested revision: The line graph and table show the number of overseas travellers who visited Australia between 1975 and 2005 and their countries of origin. Why it matters: This fixes the grammar and removes repetition.
- 11. Correct comparison Original: In 2005, this visitor’s number reached to 30.4 million which is almost double than the visitors’ number in 1985. Suggested revision: By 2005, the number of visitors had reached 30.4 million, almost double the 1985 figure of about 16 million. Why it matters: This uses the graph data and comparison accurately.
- 12. Fix grammar Original: This number reached to 12 million in 2005 which contributed one-third of the total tourist of this year. Suggested revision: This number reached 12 million in 2005, contributing about one-third of all visitors that year. Why it matters: The rewrite fixes the verb pattern and noun form.
Suggested Rewrites
- the number of overseas travellers visited Australia the number of overseas travellers who visited Australia
- their origin where they came from their countries of origin
- 8.8 million of foreign travellers 8.8 million foreign travellers
- this visitor’s number the number of visitors
- reached to 30.4 million reached 30.4 million
- almost double than almost double
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The response captures the main upward trend in visits and identifies Japan and South Korea as major source countries. However, coverage of the table is selective, some comparisons are underdeveloped, and the country-origin figures are not always stated precisely.
Include a clearer comparison of all origin countries in 1975 and 2005, especially the growth in Europe and the smaller contributions from China and the USA.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report follows a sensible order from line graph to table and ends with a summary. It is readable, but it remains one paragraph and the table details could be grouped more clearly.
Use separate paragraphs for the overall visit trend and for the country-of-origin comparison.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate for reporting trends and rankings, but there are repeated unnatural phrases such as visitors' number, tourists came, and origin where they came from.
Use more natural noun phrases such as visitor numbers, countries of origin, arrivals from Japan, and the total number of visitors.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There are frequent errors with relative clauses, articles, singular/plural forms, and comparison structures. Meaning remains clear, but accuracy is uneven.
Revise noun phrases after number of, use who/that clauses carefully, and check plural forms such as tourists and visitors.