The line graph below shows the number of annual visits to Australia by overseas residents. The table below gives information on the country of origin where the visitors came from. Number of Visitors (million) SOUTH KOREA JAPAN CHINA USA BRITAIN EUROPE 2.9 3.2 0.3 0.4 0.9 1.1 9.1 12.0 0.8 1.1 2.9 4.5 8.8 30.4
Sample Response
The given line graph illustrates the annual visits to Australia by foreigners in million from the year 1975 to 2005 while the table represents these visits from six different countries in both 1975 and 2005. A staggering increase in the number of visits to Australia is noticeable. A large portion of this increase can be attributed to South Koreans and Japanese tourists as is evident in the table data. An upward moving trend is clearly visible in the line graph that shows an increase in visits to Australia by foreigners as the number rose from 8.8 million in 1975 to 30.2 million in 2005, almost trebling in value in the period spanning from 1975 to 2000. This spike in numbers can be largely attributed to South Koreans and Japanese tourists as their tourism rose a whopping 15 million collectively. This trend was not seen in the United States, China, or Britain as their tourists' numbers who visited Australia did not increase significantly (1.1, 0.8 and 2.9 respectively in 2005). European tourism, however, also saw a rise in appetite towards Australia their tourism almost quadrupled from 1975 to 2005.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Unit form Original: by foreigners in million Suggested revision: by overseas residents, in millions Why it matters: Use the plural unit and a more precise subject.
- 2. Neutral tone Original: A staggering increase Suggested revision: A substantial increase Why it matters: Chart reports should avoid sensational wording.
- 3. Natural collocation Original: An upward moving trend Suggested revision: An upward trend Why it matters: Moving is redundant here.
- 4. Incorrect figure Original: 30.2 million Suggested revision: 30.4 million Why it matters: The visual gives 30.4 million in 2005.
- 5. Wrong period Original: from 1975 to 2000 Suggested revision: from 1975 to 2005 Why it matters: The final plotted year is 2005.
- 6. Formal wording Original: a whopping 15 million Suggested revision: by a combined 15 million Why it matters: This is more neutral and exact.
- 7. Noun phrase Original: their tourists' numbers who visited Australia Suggested revision: the numbers of their residents visiting Australia Why it matters: The original possessive structure is ungrammatical.
- 8. Wrong collocation Original: a rise in appetite towards Australia Suggested revision: a rise in visits to Australia Why it matters: Appetite towards is not appropriate for visitor numbers.
- 9. Quantify change Original: almost quadrupled Suggested revision: rose from 1.1 million to 4.5 million Why it matters: Exact figures demonstrate visual accuracy.
- 10. Source preposition Original: from six different countries Suggested revision: from six different regions Why it matters: Visitors came from the listed origins; countries is also inaccurate for Europe.
- 11. Smoother clause Original: as is evident Suggested revision: as shown Why it matters: This concise passive is more natural in a data report.
- 12. Trend wording Original: This spike in numbers Suggested revision: This overall increase Why it matters: Spike usually suggests a sudden short-lived change, whereas the graph rises steadily.
Suggested Rewrites
- by foreigners in million by overseas residents, in millions
- A staggering increase A substantial increase
- An upward moving trend An upward trend
- 30.2 million 30.4 million
- from 1975 to 2000 from 1975 to 2005
- a whopping 15 million by a combined 15 million
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response provides a clear overview of the strong upward trend and correctly identifies South Korea and Japan as the main contributors. Its main weakness is precision: the 2005 total and period of near-trebling are misstated, several country changes are not quantified, and the final sentence is grammatically fused. Prioritise exact visual data, fuller comparisons, and neutral academic wording.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
A clear overview and the main contributors are identified, but some figures are inaccurate and several table comparisons are underdeveloped.
Use the visual values exactly and compare each country's 1975 and 2005 figures, especially Europe and Britain.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information progresses logically from overview to graph and table detail, though the whole report is presented as one dense paragraph.
Separate the overview from two detail paragraphs and make each comparison lead naturally to the next.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and generally clear, but dramatic or awkward choices reduce academic precision.
Prefer neutral chart language such as rose, accounted for, and increased nearly fourfold.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are attempted successfully, but article, agreement, and run-on errors remain noticeable.
Check noun forms and sentence boundaries, particularly in the final comparison.