The line graph below shows the number of annual visits to Australia by overseas residents. The table below gives information on the country of origin where the visitors came from. Number of Visitors (million) SOUTH KOREA JAPAN CHINA USA BRITAIN EUROPE 2.9 3.2 0.3 0.4 0.9 1.1 9.1 12.0 0.8 1.1 2.9 4.5 8.8 30.4
Sample Response
The given line graph and table give data on the number of overseas visitors travelling to Australia in millions of people from the year 1975 to 2005 and shows the number of travellers from 6 different parts of the world.
As is presented in the illustration, the number of visitors travelling to Australia raised steadily and the majority of these visitors came from Japan, South Korea and Europe. Almost 10 million people visited Australia in the year 1975 and this amount increased to over 15 million after 10 years. In the year 1995, total visitor travelled Australia was approximately 24 million and finally in 2005 well over 30 million. The second table gives data on the number of visitors from 6 different regions who came to visit Australia in 2 different years with a 30 years interval. Both in 1975 and in 2005, Australia had the largest number of Japanese tourists followed by South Korea. In 2005, tourists from these 2 countries who came to visit Australia were about 20 million while 4.5 million tourists came from Europe and only 1.1 million from the USA. The least number of tourists came to Australia during this period are from China which was only 0.3 million in 1975 and 0.8 million in 2005. The statistics of the table shows that total tourist visited Australia from 6 different parts of the world increased significantly in 300 years amounting well over 30 million in 12005 compared to the total number of 8.8 million 30 years earlier.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Formal verb Original: give data on Suggested revision: provide data on Why it matters: Provide is more natural in this report introduction.
- 2. Wrong verb Original: raised steadily Suggested revision: rose steadily Why it matters: The intransitive verb for a rising figure is rose.
- 3. Missing preposition Original: visitor travelled Australia Suggested revision: visitors travelled to Australia Why it matters: Travelled needs to before the destination, and the noun should be plural.
- 4. Complete clause Original: finally in 2005 well over 30 million Suggested revision: finally reached well over 30 million in 2005 Why it matters: The original phrase is missing a main verb.
- 5. Time phrase Original: with a 30 years interval Suggested revision: with a 30-year interval Why it matters: Use a compound adjective before interval.
- 6. Word order Original: Both in 1975 and in 2005 Suggested revision: In both 1975 and 2005 Why it matters: This is the natural word order.
- 7. Avoid overemphasis Original: only 1.1 million from the USA Suggested revision: 1.1 million from the USA Why it matters: Only is not wrong, but Britain and China were also low, so the emphasis needs care.
- 8. Tense error Original: are from China Suggested revision: were from China Why it matters: The sentence refers to past data.
- 9. Wrong duration Original: in 300 years Suggested revision: over 30 years Why it matters: The table compares 1975 with 2005, a 30-year period.
- 10. Wrong year Original: in 12005 Suggested revision: in 2005 Why it matters: The chart year is 2005.
- 11. Plural phrase Original: total tourist visited Suggested revision: total tourists visiting Why it matters: The noun and verb form need correction.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: As is presented in the illustration, the number of visitors travelling to Australia raised steadily and the majority of these visitors came from Japan, South Korea and Europe. Suggested revision: Overall, overseas visits to Australia rose steadily, and Japan, South Korea, and Europe were the largest sources among the six listed regions. Why it matters: This corrects the verb and makes the overview more precise.
Suggested Rewrites
- give data on provide data on
- raised steadily rose steadily
- visitor travelled Australia visitors travelled to Australia
- finally in 2005 well over 30 million finally reached well over 30 million in 2005
- with a 30 years interval with a 30-year interval
- Both in 1975 and in 2005 In both 1975 and 2005
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The response identifies the upward trend in total visits and the main source countries, especially Japan, South Korea, and Europe. It includes several accurate figures, but the final sentence contains serious year and duration errors and some comparisons are imprecise.
Correct the ending to say the six listed regions rose from 8.8 million in 1975 to 30.4 million in 2005, a 30-year period.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report has a clear overview and moves from the line graph to the table, but it is written as two dense paragraphs with some overloaded sentences.
Use shorter sentences and separate the total-visit trend from the country-of-origin comparison.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is suitable for the task, but there are repeated forms such as travelling to Australia and several unnatural phrases.
Use overseas visitors, arrivals, came from, rose to, and accounted for to vary the report naturally.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response is generally understandable, but agreement, tense, article, and number errors occur regularly, including the severe 300 years and 12005 mistakes.
Proofread all time and number references, and revise subject-verb agreement in phrases such as visitors travelled and tourists came.