The table below shows the monthly expenditure of an average Australian family in 1991 and 2001.
Sample Response
The table data compare monthly expenses of an average family in Australia for the years 1991 and 2001. Overall, monthly expenditure by an average Australian family had not increased that much in 10 years, from 1991 to 2001, and expenses on electricity, water, housing, and non-essential goods and services somewhat increased while the expenses on clothing and transport decreased over time. As is presented in the table, the average expenditure of an Australian family per month was AUD 675 in 1991 while this reached to AUD 715 after 10 years. This shows that the average expenditure of an average Australian family had not increased significantly. In 1991, the expenditure on non-essential goods and services was $250 which was the highest among the given categories. This reached to $270 in 2001 which was also the highest amount among the given expense categories in 2001. The expenses on food & housing were $155 and $95 consecutively in 1991 and both of these expenses increased by only 5 dollars after 10 years. Interestingly the monthly amount spent on clothing and transport decreased over the decade and reached to $20 and $45 in 2001. The expenses on food, housing and electricity & water increased and the highest increase was for electricity and water.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use direct phrasing Original: The table data compare Suggested revision: The table compares Why it matters: The data is unnecessary because the table itself is the subject of the comparison.
- 2. Match task wording Original: monthly expenses Suggested revision: monthly expenditure Why it matters: Expenditure is the more precise formal term used in the task.
- 3. Use concise dates Original: for the years 1991 and 2001 Suggested revision: in 1991 and 2001 Why it matters: In is the natural preposition for the two stated years.
- 4. Streamline reference Original: As is presented Suggested revision: As shown Why it matters: The shorter chart reference is clearer and more natural.
- 5. Reduce wordiness Original: the average expenditure of an Australian family per month Suggested revision: an average Australian family's monthly expenditure Why it matters: The revision conveys the same measure more concisely.
- 6. Fix verb pattern Original: while this reached to Suggested revision: and this rose to Why it matters: Reach does not take to before its object, while rose to correctly describes the increase.
- 7. State comparison year Original: after 10 years Suggested revision: in 2001 Why it matters: The explicit year makes the comparison easier to follow.
- 8. Avoid repetition Original: the average expenditure of an average Australian family Suggested revision: an average Australian family's expenditure Why it matters: The revision removes the repeated use of average.
- 9. Use simple past Original: had not increased Suggested revision: did not increase Why it matters: The simple past suits a completed comparison between two specified years.
- 10. Add relative-clause comma Original: $250 which Suggested revision: $250, which Why it matters: The non-restrictive relative clause requires a comma.
- 11. Use concise wording Original: among the given categories Suggested revision: of the listed categories Why it matters: The revision is shorter and more natural for table categories.
- 12. Fix verb pattern Original: This reached to Suggested revision: This rose to Why it matters: Rose to correctly expresses the increase, whereas reached to is ungrammatical.
Suggested Rewrites
- The table data compare The table compares
- monthly expenses monthly expenditure
- for the years 1991 and 2001 in 1991 and 2001
- As is presented As shown
- the average expenditure of an Australian family per month an average Australian family's monthly expenditure
- while this reached to and this rose to
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response gives a clear overview and selects the most important comparisons, including the modest rise in total expenditure, the largest category, and the categories that fell. Data are generally accurate and well supported, although repetitive phrasing, awkward collocations, and the absence of paragraph breaks reduce polish. Group the details into focused paragraphs and use more natural comparative expressions.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The overview is clear, the main trends are accurately identified, and well-chosen figures support the key comparisons.
For even fuller coverage, add the exact electricity-and-water figures when highlighting that category's largest increase.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically from the overview to totals and category comparisons, but presenting everything in one paragraph reduces readability.
Divide the response into an introduction, overview, and two detail paragraphs grouped by increasing and decreasing expenditure.
Lexical Resource
The response shows a good range of relevant expenditure language, though repetition and awkward choices such as consecutively and reached to reduce precision.
Use respectively for paired figures and reached or rose to for final amounts, while varying repeated references to average expenditure.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex structures is used with generally good control, despite some tense, article, and preposition errors.
Refine tense choice and remove unnecessary prepositions, especially in forms such as rose to and had increased over the decade.