The table below gives information about rail transport in four countries in 2007.
Sample Response
The table compares the data of railway networks in four countries, namely- Malaysia, Canada, China and the UAE in the year of 2007. Overall, it is clear that railway was more widely used by Chinese passengers, whereas in Canada, it was used primarily for freighting goods. Now getting back to the details, a large number of people in China travelled by train, which accounted for 27 million in 2007, dominating that of the other countries. The highest out of four, the average travelling distance of Chinese was approximately three times higher than the corresponding number of Malaysian (770 kilometres). By contrast, rail in Canada carried a vast amount of loads (28.20 tonnes) but a mere 0.3 million travellers. It is also noticeable that railway in Malaysia and UAE shared nearly the same patterns in all three categories. The former served 5.9 million customers in 2007, while that figure for the latter was slightly lower, 5.5 million. Likewise, there was hardly any difference between the amount of freight carried by train in both countries, accounted for 22.2 tonnes and 21.9 tonnes respectively.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Task focus Original: data of railway networks Suggested revision: data on rail transport Why it matters: The table is about use, distance, and cargo, not railway networks generally.
- 2. Dash spacing Original: namely- Malaysia Suggested revision: namely Malaysia Why it matters: The dash is unnecessary after namely.
- 3. Natural phrase Original: freighting goods Suggested revision: carrying freight Why it matters: Carrying freight is the standard collocation.
- 4. Formal transition Original: Now getting back to the details Suggested revision: In detail Why it matters: The original phrase is conversational for an academic report.
- 5. Comparison structure Original: dominating that of the other countries Suggested revision: far exceeding the figures for the other countries Why it matters: This is clearer and grammatically smoother.
- 6. Missing noun Original: The highest out of four Suggested revision: The highest of the four figures Why it matters: The phrase needs a clear noun.
- 7. More precise comparison Original: approximately three times higher Suggested revision: about two and a half times higher Why it matters: China's 1,980 km is about 2.6 times Malaysia's 770 km and 2.5 times the UAE's 780 km.
- 8. Country noun Original: corresponding number of Malaysian Suggested revision: corresponding figure for Malaysia Why it matters: Use the country name for the table figure.
- 9. Cargo unit Original: 28.20 tonnes Suggested revision: 28.20 billion tons Why it matters: The table's cargo column is in billions of tons.
- 10. Verb and unit Original: accounted for 22.2 tonnes Suggested revision: at 22.2 billion tons Why it matters: Accounted for is not needed, and the unit is billions of tons.
- 11. Use table term Original: customers Suggested revision: passengers Why it matters: The table measures people using rail transport.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: Overall, it is clear that railway was more widely used by Chinese passengers, whereas in Canada, it was used primarily for freighting goods. Suggested revision: Overall, China recorded the highest passenger use and distance travelled, while Canada carried the most cargo despite having very few rail passengers. Why it matters: This overview includes the key contrast more fully.
Suggested Rewrites
- data of railway networks data on rail transport
- namely- Malaysia namely Malaysia
- freighting goods carrying freight
- Now getting back to the details In detail
- dominating that of the other countries far exceeding the figures for the other countries
- The highest out of four The highest of the four figures
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The response selects the key contrasts well: China leads in passenger use and distance, Canada carries the most cargo despite very low passenger use, and Malaysia and the UAE are similar. Some units and comparisons need more precision, especially cargo in billions of tons and China's distance compared with Malaysia and the UAE.
Report all three columns with their exact units and mention Canada's very low passenger kilometres per head as well as its high cargo figure.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has a clear overview and moves logically through passenger numbers, distance, cargo, and country comparisons.
Use shorter sentences in the details and group Malaysia with the UAE after describing the two extremes, China and Canada.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate, but some phrases are unnatural, including data of railway networks, freighting goods, and corresponding number of Malaysian.
Use railway use, freight transport, passenger kilometres per head, cargo carried, and figure for Malaysia.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning is clear, but there are errors in punctuation, articles, participle clauses, and comparison structures.
Revise comparison clauses such as the figure for China was about two and a half times that of Malaysia.