The Chart below gives information about the age of women in Australia when they gave birth to their first child in 1966, 1986 and 2006.
Sample Response
The bar chart illustrates the average age of the female who gave delivery to their first baby in the family in Australia in three different years.
Overall, it is immediately apparent from the chart that the highest number of women who gave delivery to their first children came under the age of 19 to 24, while some females over 40 had the least parturition in three years.
In detail, women under 19 to 24 gave birth to their first baby with shares at 33% in 1986, and this number plummeted to 20% after 20 years. Unfortunately, this ratio declined to nearly 10% in the final year. Following this, the highest number of women had come for parturition to first born at 60% and hits its peak in 1966. surprisingly this number Took a nose dive at 35% in 1986 and continuously plunged to 29% in 2006. moreover, in the category of 25 to 30, around 35% of females born their first child in 1966 and this ratio gradually inclined at 50% after 20 years but this value plunged to approximately 30% in 2006.
Furthermore, in 1966 around 11% of women birthing their first child and this number had significant changes and surged to more than 40% between ages 30 to 34 in 2006. Next, the age category 34 to 39 and over 40 women got pregnant first time with shares at below 10% in 1966. Still, women who came in 34 to 39 gave delivery for the first time increased to 30% after 40 years, but those who were above 40 had any significant numbers in birthing.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct age group Original: under 19 to 24 Suggested revision: under 19 Why it matters: The blue series represents women under 19, while ages 19-24 form a separate series.
- 2. Correct year and value Original: with shares at 33% in 1986 Suggested revision: at about 34% in 1966 Why it matters: The chart places the under-19 figure near 34% in 1966 and around 20% in 1986.
- 3. Use neutral transition Original: Unfortunately Suggested revision: Thereafter Why it matters: A neutral sequencing link is appropriate for an objective description of data.
- 4. Correct final value Original: declined to nearly 10% Suggested revision: declined to about 12% Why it matters: The under-19 bar for 2006 is approximately 12%.
- 5. Use objective reference Original: surprisingly this number Suggested revision: This figure Why it matters: The revision removes subjective commentary and creates a clear reference to the preceding value.
- 6. Use formal trend language Original: Took a nose dive at Suggested revision: fell to Why it matters: Fell to is the formal expression for movement toward a lower value.
- 7. Describe one later change Original: continuously plunged Suggested revision: then declined Why it matters: The chart shows one further interval of decline rather than a continuous movement.
- 8. Capitalize sentence opener Original: moreover Suggested revision: Moreover Why it matters: A word beginning a new sentence must start with a capital letter.
- 9. Fix birth expression Original: females born their first child Suggested revision: women gave birth to their first child Why it matters: Give birth to is the correct verb phrase for this meaning.
- 10. Use correct trend phrase Original: gradually inclined at 50% Suggested revision: gradually rose to 50% Why it matters: Rose to correctly expresses an increase ending at a stated value.
- 11. Correct 2006 value Original: plunged to approximately 30% Suggested revision: fell to approximately 38% Why it matters: The 25-30 bar in 2006 is about 38%, not 30%.
- 12. Clarify group and value Original: in 1966 around 11% of women birthing their first child Suggested revision: in 1966, around 13% of women aged 30-34 gave birth to their first child Why it matters: The replacement identifies the relevant age group, corrects the grammar, and matches the chart more closely.
Suggested Rewrites
- under 19 to 24 under 19
- with shares at 33% in 1986 at about 34% in 1966
- Unfortunately Thereafter
- declined to nearly 10% declined to about 12%
- surprisingly this number This figure
- Took a nose dive at fell to
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response reports figures for every age group and captures several broad movements, especially declines among younger mothers and increases among older groups. However, the overview incorrectly identifies ages 19–24 as the largest group throughout, and imprecise category labels, inaccurate figures, and frequent awkward phrasing weaken both clarity and reliability. Prioritize an accurate overview of the shift toward older first-time mothers, then group and compare the age categories with simpler, controlled language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response addresses every age group and includes several valid trends, but its central overview is inaccurate and some categories and figures are misreported.
State that the peak shifted from ages 19–24 in 1966 to 25–30 in 1986 and 30–34 in 2006, then verify each percentage.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction, overview, and detail paragraphs provide a broadly clear progression, although vague references and mechanical transitions sometimes obscure which age group is being discussed.
Organize the details into younger groups that declined and older groups that rose, naming each category whenever the comparison changes.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a useful range of trend language, but frequent word-choice and collocation errors make expressions such as gave delivery and females born their first child unnatural.
Prefer accurate, straightforward phrases such as women giving birth, first-time mothers, rose, fell, and accounted for.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The writer attempts varied sentence structures, but frequent errors in agreement, tense, articles, word forms, and clause construction reduce control.
Use shorter comparison sentences and check that each one has a clear subject, correctly formed verb, and complete age-group reference.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The Chart below gives information about the age of women in Australia when they gave birth to their first child in 1966, 1986 and 2006.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.