The chart gives information about the percentage of overweight men and women in Australia from 1980 to 2010.
Sample Response
The bar chart illustrates the rate of overweight adults in Australia, at the start of each decade, beginning in 1980.
Overall, it is clear that the percentage of overweight males was significantly higher than females in each year. Additionally, the rate of both men and women who were overweight rose over the research period.
In 1980, just under 50% of Australian men were overweight, compared to only about one-third of females, which were the lowest figures for each gender during the research period. Over the next 20 years, the rates of overweight male and female citizens in Australia both saw significant increases, with the figure for men reaching a peak of almost 70% in 2000.
From 2000 to 2010, slightly fewer men were overweight, as illustrated by a decline of roughly 3% in 2010, whereas the figure for women remained unchanged, with exactly half of Australian women being overweight in the final year.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Name the measure Original: rate Suggested revision: percentage Why it matters: The chart measures percentages rather than a rate.
- 2. Complete comparison Original: higher than females Suggested revision: higher than that of females Why it matters: A percentage should be compared with the corresponding percentage, not directly with people.
- 3. Use plural measure Original: rate of both men and women who were overweight Suggested revision: percentages of overweight men and women Why it matters: Two gender groups require a plural measure, and “percentages” matches the chart.
- 4. Use chart wording Original: rose over the research period Suggested revision: rose over the period shown Why it matters: “Period shown” is more precise because the chart presents years rather than describing a research study.
- 5. Simplify categories Original: rates of overweight male and female citizens in Australia Suggested revision: percentages of overweight men and women in Australia Why it matters: This wording matches the chart’s categories and measure more naturally.
- 6. Use direct verb Original: saw significant increases Suggested revision: increased significantly Why it matters: The direct verb describes the numerical movement more concisely.
- 7. Correct the value Original: almost 70% in 2000 Suggested revision: 70% in 2000 Why it matters: The male bar for 2000 reaches 70% on the chart.
- 8. Correct the decrease Original: a decline of roughly 3% in 2010 Suggested revision: a decline of about two percentage points by 2010 Why it matters: The male figure falls from 70% to about 68%, a change of roughly two percentage points.
- 9. Refine final trend Suggested revision: Add that the male percentage dipped slightly after 2000 while the female percentage levelled off at 50%. Why it matters: These contrasting final-decade movements make the overview more complete and precise.
Suggested Rewrites
- rate percentage
- higher than females higher than that of females
- rate of both men and women who were overweight percentages of overweight men and women
- rose over the research period rose over the period shown
- rates of overweight male and female citizens in Australia percentages of overweight men and women in Australia
- saw significant increases increased significantly
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response gives a clear overview and accurately identifies the gender gap and overall upward movement, supported by well-chosen figures from the chart. Its main limitation is that the 1990 values and some intermediate comparisons are omitted, so the development is slightly less complete than it could be. Prioritise adding one concise comparison of the 1990 figures while retaining the efficient structure and precise language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The key trends, gender contrast, peak, and final changes are reported accurately, though the 1990 figures receive no specific coverage.
Add a concise 1990 comparison to make the account more fully representative of all four years.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure is logical, and progression from the overview through the main time periods is easy to follow.
Link the omitted intermediate year explicitly to the later peak so the chronological development is even more complete.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a strong range of precise trend and comparison vocabulary with only occasional slightly awkward choices.
Use percentage or proportion consistently instead of rate where the chart reports shares of the population.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences and comparative structures are handled with strong control, with only isolated imprecision in comparison wording.
Make comparisons grammatically parallel, for example by comparing the percentage of men with the percentage of women.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The chart gives information about the percentage of overweight men and women in Australia from 1980 to 2010.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.