The chart below shows the different levels of post-school qualifications in Australia and the proportion of men and women who held them in 1999.
Sample Response
The bar graph compares post-school qualification in Australia based on gender for the year 1999. Generally speaking, more male achieved their post-school degrees in skilled vocational diploma, Masters degree and postgraduate diploma than females did while for more female, the highest educational qualification was undergraduate diploma and Bachelor's degree. According to the data, Australian male and female who achieved their post-school degrees in 1999 were classified into five categories. 'Female post-school qualified' surpassed their male counterpart in undergraduate diploma and bachelor’s degree as they a smaller ratio of females attended post-graduation courses. For the undergraduate diploma, the percentage of females was 70% compared to the only 35% male. Male were predominating in percentage when it comes to master’s degree, postgraduate diploma and skilled vocational diploma. 90% male completed skilled vocational diploma and the remaining 10% was female. It is worth noticing that, though many females completed their bachelor degree, the percentage decreased in masters degree level whereas 60% male completed it.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use plural noun Original: post-school qualification Suggested revision: post-school qualifications Why it matters: The chart compares five different qualifications, so the noun must be plural.
- 2. Use concise phrasing Original: based on gender Suggested revision: by gender Why it matters: By gender states the comparison more directly.
- 3. Use concise time phrase Original: for the year 1999 Suggested revision: in 1999 Why it matters: In 1999 is the natural concise form for a single year.
- 4. Fix number and verb Original: more male achieved their post-school degrees Suggested revision: more males held post-school qualifications Why it matters: Male needs a plural form, and the chart shows qualifications held rather than degrees achieved.
- 5. Add category wording Original: in skilled vocational diploma Suggested revision: in the skilled vocational diploma category Why it matters: The category needs an article and a noun phrase that fits after in.
- 6. Use parallel label Original: females did Suggested revision: women did Why it matters: Women is a more natural noun and parallels the intended reference to men.
- 7. Use plural noun Original: more female Suggested revision: more females Why it matters: A count comparison requires the plural noun females.
- 8. Use plural forms Original: Australian male and female Suggested revision: Australian men and women Why it matters: The sentence refers to groups of people, so plural nouns are required.
- 9. Describe chart accurately Original: achieved their post-school degrees in 1999 Suggested revision: held post-school qualifications in 1999 Why it matters: The chart records qualifications held in 1999, not necessarily completed during that year.
- 10. Classify qualifications Original: were classified into five categories Suggested revision: are shown across five qualification categories Why it matters: The five categories classify qualifications rather than the people themselves.
- 11. Use natural noun phrase Original: 'Female post-school qualified' Suggested revision: Women with post-school qualifications Why it matters: The quoted label is not a grammatical English noun phrase.
- 12. Use plural noun Original: their male counterpart Suggested revision: their male counterparts Why it matters: The plural women requires the plural counterparts.
Suggested Rewrites
- post-school qualification post-school qualifications
- based on gender by gender
- for the year 1999 in 1999
- more male achieved their post-school degrees more males held post-school qualifications
- in skilled vocational diploma in the skilled vocational diploma category
- females did women did
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response gives a clear overview of the main gender contrasts and supports it with several accurate figures, notably for vocational and undergraduate diplomas. However, coverage is uneven and recurring grammatical and word-choice errors sometimes make relationships hard to follow. The priority is to compare all five qualification categories with precise percentages while correcting plural forms, agreement, and incomplete clause structures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The main gender pattern is identified accurately and supported with relevant figures, though some categories receive limited detail.
Add direct numerical comparisons for bachelor's and postgraduate diplomas so all five categories are represented more evenly.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report follows a broadly logical sequence, but one-block paragraphing, repetition, and unclear referencing weaken the flow.
Use separate overview and detail paragraphs, grouping female-dominant categories before the three male-dominant categories.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary covers the topic adequately, but imprecise forms such as 'more male' and 'male were predominating' recur.
Use accurate noun and comparison phrases such as 'a higher proportion of men' and 'men predominated'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Both simple and complex structures are attempted, but agreement, articles, plurals, and clause formation contain frequent errors.
Proofread every sentence for complete clauses and consistent plural agreement, especially with 'men', 'women', and qualification names.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The chart below shows the different levels of post-school qualifications in Australia and the proportion of men and women who held them in 1999.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.