The chart below shows the different levels of post-school qualifications in Australia and the proportion of men and women who held them in 1999.
This response is estimated at Band 6.5. Can you write a better one?
Write yours and get clear feedback on all four criteria.
- Closest to official scores
- What to fix on each criterion
- Feedback in about 20 seconds · free
Sample Response
The bar graph compares post-school qualificationsqualification in Australia by genderbased on gender in 1999for the year 1999. Generally speaking, more males held post-school qualificationsmore male achieved their post-school degrees in the skilled vocational diploma categoryin skilled vocational diploma, Masters degree and postgraduate diploma than womenfemales did while for more femalesfemale, the highest educational qualification was undergraduate diploma and Bachelor's degree. According to the data, Australian men and womenAustralian male and female who held post-school qualifications in 1999achieved their post-school degrees in 1999 are shown across five qualification categorieswere classified into five categories. Women with post-school qualifications'Female post-school qualified' surpassed their male counterpartscounterpart in undergraduate diploma and bachelor’s degree as they a smaller ratio of females attended post-graduation courses. For the undergraduate diploma, the percentage of females was 70% compared to 35% for malesthe only 35% male. Males had higher percentagesMale were predominating in percentage forwhen it comes to master’s degree, postgraduate diploma and skilled vocational diploma. 90% male completed skilled vocational diploma and the remaining 10% was female. It is worth noticing that, though many females completed their bachelor degree, the percentage decreased in masters degree level whereas 60% male completed it.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response gives a clear overview of the main gender contrasts and supports it with several accurate figures, notably for vocational and undergraduate diplomas. However, coverage is uneven and recurring grammatical and word-choice errors sometimes make relationships hard to follow. The priority is to compare all five qualification categories with precise percentages while correcting plural forms, agreement, and incomplete clause structures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The main gender pattern is identified accurately and supported with relevant figures, though some categories receive limited detail.
Add direct numerical comparisons for bachelor's and postgraduate diplomas so all five categories are represented more evenly.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report follows a broadly logical sequence, but one-block paragraphing, repetition, and unclear referencing weaken the flow.
Use separate overview and detail paragraphs, grouping female-dominant categories before the three male-dominant categories.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary covers the topic adequately, but imprecise forms such as 'more male' and 'male were predominating' recur.
Use accurate noun and comparison phrases such as 'a higher proportion of men' and 'men predominated'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Both simple and complex structures are attempted, but agreement, articles, plurals, and clause formation contain frequent errors.
Proofread every sentence for complete clauses and consistent plural agreement, especially with 'men', 'women', and qualification names.