The chart below shows the different levels of post-school qualifications in Australia and the proportion of men and women who held them in 1999.
Sample Response
The bar chart compares post-school educational attainment among men and women in Australia in 1999. As a whole, men were ahead of women in terms of their highest educational qualifications in Australia, and three out of five types of post-school educational qualifications, namely - post-graduate diploma, skilled vocational diploma and masters degree, were mostly attended by men. In details, those who had a post-graduate diploma and Master's degree were dominated by 70% and 60% men respectively. The ratio of women who had post-graduation qualification was much lower. Another important aspect of the graph is that there was a remarkable number of men, 90%, who took up a 'skilled vocational diploma course' which left women to only just a tenth. Since men continued their education and achieved post-graduate qualifications, females with an undergraduate diploma much outweighed the ratio of males. Finally, the proportion of male whose highest education was a bachelor's degree was about 45%, whereas the females' ratio was somewhat more than that.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use fixed singular phrase Original: details Suggested revision: detail Why it matters: The fixed expression is 'in detail'.
- 2. Name proportion precisely Original: The ratio of women who had post-graduation qualification Suggested revision: The proportion of women with a postgraduate diploma Why it matters: The chart shows proportions of qualification holders, and the category is specifically a postgraduate diploma.
- 3. Use proportion terminology Original: a remarkable number of men Suggested revision: a remarkably high proportion of men Why it matters: The chart presents percentages rather than absolute numbers.
- 4. Describe held qualification Original: took up a 'skilled vocational diploma course' Suggested revision: held a skilled vocational diploma Why it matters: The chart records qualifications held, not courses attended.
- 5. Correct comparison structure Original: which left women to only just a tenth Suggested revision: while women accounted for just one tenth Why it matters: The revision states the complementary female proportion grammatically and precisely.
- 6. Use plural group noun Original: male Suggested revision: men Why it matters: The chart compares groups, so the plural noun 'men' is required.
- 7. Use standard proportion phrase Original: the females' ratio Suggested revision: the female proportion Why it matters: 'The female proportion' is the conventional way to describe this percentage.
- 8. Match chart terminology Original: post-school educational attainment Suggested revision: post-school qualifications Why it matters: The chart compares five named qualifications rather than educational attainment in general.
- 9. Give exact female share Original: was much lower Suggested revision: was about 30% Why it matters: The chart shows women at approximately 30% for postgraduate diplomas.
- 10. Use concise feature signal Original: Another important aspect of the graph is that Suggested revision: Another notable feature is that Why it matters: The shorter phrase introduces the comparison more directly.
- 11. Use proportion verb Original: was about 45% Suggested revision: accounted for about 45% Why it matters: A proportion 'accounts for' a percentage rather than simply 'is' a percentage in this structure.
- 12. State female value Original: somewhat more than that Suggested revision: slightly higher, at about 50% Why it matters: The chart shows the female share for bachelor's degrees at roughly 50%.
Suggested Rewrites
- details detail
- The ratio of women who had post-graduation qualification The proportion of women with a postgraduate diploma
- a remarkable number of men a remarkably high proportion of men
- took up a 'skilled vocational diploma course' held a skilled vocational diploma
- which left women to only just a tenth while women accounted for just one tenth
- male men
Why this response received Band 6.5
The report accurately identifies the three male-dominated qualifications and gives correct figures or comparisons across all five categories. Its main weakness is interpretive precision: men are not simply ahead overall, and the suggested causal link between male postgraduate study and women's undergraduate majority is unsupported. Prioritise a neutral overview contrasting male-dominated and female-dominated qualification types without inventing causes.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
All five qualification categories are covered accurately, but the overview overgeneralises male advantage and one causal explanation is unsupported by the chart.
State that men dominated vocational, postgraduate, and master's qualifications, while women led undergraduate diplomas and slightly led bachelor's degrees.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report progresses logically through male-dominated categories and then female-dominated ones, although all information is compressed into one paragraph.
Separate the overview from two comparison paragraphs grouped by male and female majorities.
Lexical Resource
The response shows a sufficient range of education and comparison vocabulary, with occasional inaccurate or awkward word choices.
Use 'held a qualification', 'accounted for', 'male-dominated', and 'the proportion of women' rather than attendance or ratio language.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of structures is used, but errors with plurals, articles, agreement, and noun phrases occur regularly.
Correct forms such as 'in detail', 'master's degrees', 'the proportion of men', and 'women with undergraduate diplomas outnumbered men'.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The chart below shows the different levels of post-school qualifications in Australia and the proportion of men and women who held them in 1999.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.