The line graph below shows changes in the amount and type of fast food consumed by Australian teenagers from 1975 to 2000.
Sample Response
The given line graph represents the consumption of fast food by Australian teenagers between 1975 to 2000; 25 years long gap. Here Pizza and hamburgers were continuously consumed more than the fish and chips which are consumed in high quantity in 1975, but after that, the rate fell down slowly.
Firstly in 1975 Australian teenagers consumed fish and chips in high percentage which is about 100 times eaten, while on the other hand, the ratio of hamburgers and pizza in 1975 is just 5 times which depicts that their eating rate is less than the other one. After that from 1980 to 1985, Fish & chips eating ratio gets down as compared to pizza and hamburgers which show a high ratio in Australian teenagers.
After 1985 to onwards, Proportion of fish and chips gets down and down in Australian teenagers while on the other hand Pizza and hamburgers become prominent and their eating percentage grow up on the top level. And finally one can say that hamburgers were taken high rank in eating as compared to others among the Australian teenagers. And the hamburger graph line is just above the remaining lines.
So from this, we conclude that Australian teenagers were interested in fish and chips than others. While after few years they get interested in hamburgers mostly and also interested in pizza. This can clearly justify from the graph lines.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Graph verb Original: represents Suggested revision: shows Why it matters: Shows is simpler and more natural for a line graph.
- 2. Date range Original: between 1975 to 2000 Suggested revision: from 1975 to 2000 Why it matters: Use from...to for ranges.
- 3. Awkward time phrase Original: 25 years long gap Suggested revision: a 25-year period Why it matters: This is the correct noun phrase.
- 4. Incorrect trend Original: Pizza and hamburgers were continuously consumed more than the fish and chips Suggested revision: Pizza and hamburgers became more popular than fish and chips after the mid-1980s Why it matters: Fish and chips were highest in 1975 and 1980, so the original statement is inaccurate.
- 5. Natural wording Original: which are consumed in high quantity Suggested revision: which were eaten most often Why it matters: This is clearer and uses the correct past tense.
- 6. Trend phrase Original: rate fell down slowly Suggested revision: figure declined gradually Why it matters: Declined is more formal than fell down.
- 7. Wrong unit Original: in high percentage Suggested revision: most often Why it matters: The y-axis shows times eaten per year, not percentages.
- 8. Unit phrasing Original: 100 times eaten Suggested revision: about 100 times per year Why it matters: This matches the graph's unit.
- 9. Data term Original: ratio of hamburgers and pizza Suggested revision: figures for hamburgers and pizza Why it matters: Figures is more suitable than ratio here.
- 10. Trend wording Original: eating ratio gets down Suggested revision: consumption fell Why it matters: This is more accurate and concise.
- 11. Time expression Original: After 1985 to onwards Suggested revision: From 1985 onwards Why it matters: Use from with onwards.
- 12. Informal repetition Original: gets down and down Suggested revision: continued to fall Why it matters: This is formal line-graph language.
Suggested Rewrites
- represents shows
- between 1975 to 2000 from 1975 to 2000
- 25 years long gap a 25-year period
- Pizza and hamburgers were continuously consumed more than the fish and chips Pizza and hamburgers became more popular than fish and chips after the mid-1980s
- which are consumed in high quantity which were eaten most often
- rate fell down slowly figure declined gradually
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The response identifies the broad trend that hamburgers and pizza increased while fish and chips declined, but it misstates the early period by saying pizza and hamburgers were continuously higher. It also uses percentage and ratio language even though the graph shows times eaten per year.
State the units correctly and describe the crossover: fish and chips were highest in 1975, hamburgers overtook them by the late 1980s, and pizza rose to about 85 times per year by 1995.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, but ideas are repetitive and progression is sometimes unclear. Several sentences repeat the same trend without adding precise data.
Use one overview and two detail paragraphs: one for fish and chips declining, and one for hamburgers and pizza increasing.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is limited and often inaccurate for data description, with repeated words such as ratio, percentage, rate, and interested.
Use line-graph terms such as consumption, times per year, rose, fell, overtook, levelled off, and reached.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Frequent grammar errors with tense, articles, prepositions, and sentence boundaries reduce clarity, though the main message can usually be understood.
Use past-tense reporting and avoid sentence fragments beginning with And or So.