The chart below gives information about the age of women in Australia when they give birth to their first child in 1966, 1986 and 2006.
Sample Response
The bar chart compares the ages of Australian women when giving birth to their first child over three different years (1966, 1986, and 2006). Overall, it can be seen that the average age that Australian women first gave birth increased over the forty year period. However, those aged 40 and over were always the lowest percentage of women giving birth to their first child.
In 1966, the most common age to give birth for the first time was between 20 and 24 years old, at over 60%, which was almost double that for those aged 25 to 29 and 19 or younger, at approximately 38% and 34%, respectively. Meanwhile, those aged 30 to 34, and 35 to 39 comprised approximately 10% each. The proportion of women aged 40 and over who gave birth for the first time was only 2%.
In 2006, the percentage of women who had their first child at the age of 19 and under, or 20 to 24 fell significantly to approximately 10% and 30% respectively. Additionally, the figures for the remaining age groups all rose significantly, with 25 to 29 year-olds at just over 40%, 30 to 34 year-olds at just under 50%, and 35 to 39 year-olds at around 30%. The percentage for women aged 40+ also rose slightly to about 3%.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Describe the distribution Original: the average age that Australian women first gave birth increased Suggested revision: the distribution of first births shifted towards older age groups Why it matters: The chart gives percentages by age group rather than a calculated average age.
- 2. Hyphenate the modifier Original: forty year period Suggested revision: 40-year period Why it matters: A compound adjective before a noun requires hyphenation.
- 3. Use proportion accurately Original: were always the lowest percentage of women Suggested revision: consistently represented the smallest proportion of women Why it matters: An age group represents a proportion; it is not itself a percentage.
- 4. Remove the list comma Original: those aged 30 to 34, and 35 to 39 Suggested revision: those aged 30 to 34 and 35 to 39 Why it matters: A comma is unnecessary between two coordinated age groups.
- 5. Clarify age ranges Original: at the age of 19 and under, or 20 to 24 Suggested revision: at age 19 or under, or between 20 and 24 Why it matters: The revised phrasing makes both age ranges grammatically parallel.
- 6. Add the pair comma Original: 30% respectively Suggested revision: 30%, respectively Why it matters: Respectively is a supplementary adverb here and should be preceded by a comma.
- 7. Use formal age wording Original: women aged 40+ Suggested revision: women aged 40 and over Why it matters: The written form is more appropriate than the plus symbol in an academic report.
- 8. Name the percentage measure Original: The bar chart compares the ages Suggested revision: The bar chart compares the percentages in six age groups Why it matters: The chart displays proportions for age categories rather than ages alone.
- 9. Remove empty framing Original: it can be seen that Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: The overview is more direct without this unnecessary reporting phrase.
- 10. Use account for Original: comprised approximately 10% each Suggested revision: each accounted for approximately 10% Why it matters: The age groups account for shares of the total; comprise is not used correctly in this structure.
- 11. Qualify the increases Original: all rose significantly Suggested revision: generally rose, though by different amounts Why it matters: The 25–29 group increased only slightly from 1966 to 2006, unlike several older groups.
- 12. Correct the final value Original: 3 Suggested revision: 4 Why it matters: The 2006 bar for women aged 40 and over is approximately 4%.
Suggested Rewrites
- the average age that Australian women first gave birth increased the distribution of first births shifted towards older age groups
- forty year period 40-year period
- were always the lowest percentage of women consistently represented the smallest proportion of women
- those aged 30 to 34, and 35 to 39 those aged 30 to 34 and 35 to 39
- at the age of 19 and under, or 20 to 24 at age 19 or under, or between 20 and 24
- 30% respectively 30%, respectively
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response is strongest in its clear overview, logical organisation, and mostly accurate selection of figures for 1966 and 2006. The major limitation is the complete omission of the 1986 data, leaving the forty-year comparison incomplete despite strong language control. The highest-priority improvement is to include the middle year and compare how each age group's proportion changed across all three points in time.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A clear overview and accurate figures for 1966 and 2006 are provided, but omitting every 1986 figure is a substantial gap in task coverage.
Select key 1986 values and use them to show the gradual shift from younger to older first-time mothers across all three years.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically divided into an introduction, overview, and chronological detail paragraphs, with clear progression throughout.
Preserve this structure while adding a focused 1986 comparison so the progression covers the complete time series.
Lexical Resource
A good range of comparative and trend vocabulary is used accurately, with only occasional imprecise phrasing.
Refine expressions such as 'were always the lowest percentage' by referring precisely to the proportion within each age group.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex sentences with generally strong grammatical control and only minor local awkwardness.
Polish coordination and punctuation in grouped age comparisons to make already clear sentences more concise and exact.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The chart below gives information about the age of women in Australia when they give birth to their first child in 1966, 1986 and 2006.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.