The line graph below shows the average monthly temperatures in three major cities.
Sample Response
The line graph displays the changes in temperature in three cities (Paris, Dubai and Sydney) in different months of a year. Temperature is measured in Celsius degree. Overall, the weather pattern in Sydney is quite the opposite of Dubai and Paris. Furthermore, Paris is the coldest city among the three. To begin with, the temperature in Paris never goes above 20 degrees. In contrast, Dubai seldom sees its temperature below this level, except for January (19 degree C). However, despite the striking differences, the temperatures in Paris and Dubai still have some similarities, as they rise continually from the beginning of the year to reach a peak in August. The highest temperature in Paris and Dubai are 20 and 36 degrees, respectively. Afterwards, both cities became colder and the temperature fell steadily. As can be seen, the differences in temperature between August and December in both Paris and Dubai are the same, 15 degrees celsius. Regarding Sydney, it witnesses 24 degree temperature in January. From there, the temperature drops continuously before going down to the lowest point of 14 degrees in July. The five remaining months see the temperature increase dramatically, to reach 23 degrees by the end of the year.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Unit phrase Original: Celsius degree Suggested revision: degrees Celsius Why it matters: This is the standard phrase for temperature units.
- 2. Qualify claim Original: Paris is the coldest city among the three Suggested revision: Paris is generally the coldest city for much of the year Why it matters: Sydney is cooler than Paris in some mid-year months.
- 3. Plural unit Original: 19 degree C Suggested revision: 19 degrees Celsius Why it matters: Use the plural form degrees with 19.
- 4. Agreement Original: The highest temperature in Paris and Dubai are Suggested revision: The highest temperatures in Paris and Dubai are Why it matters: The plural subject temperatures needs plural wording.
- 5. Graph tense Original: both cities became colder Suggested revision: both cities become cooler Why it matters: Present tense is normally used for describing graph data.
- 6. Capitalise unit Original: 15 degrees celsius Suggested revision: 15 degrees Celsius Why it matters: Celsius is a proper noun and should be capitalised.
- 7. Natural wording Original: it witnesses 24 degree temperature Suggested revision: it records a temperature of 24 degrees Why it matters: A city does not normally witness a temperature in this context.
- 8. Check value Original: 14 degrees in July Suggested revision: about 13 degrees in July Why it matters: The graph shows Sydney at roughly 13 degrees in July.
- 9. Clearer time phrase Original: The five remaining months see Suggested revision: Over the remaining five months, Why it matters: This is a more natural way to introduce the final period.
- 10. Fix unit sentence Original: Temperature is measured in Celsius degree. Suggested revision: Temperature is measured in degrees Celsius. Why it matters: This uses the correct unit phrase.
- 11. Stronger overview Original: Overall, the weather pattern in Sydney is quite the opposite of Dubai and Paris. Suggested revision: Overall, Paris and Dubai are warmest in mid-year, while Sydney follows the opposite pattern and is warmest at the beginning and end of the year. Why it matters: This makes the contrast more explicit.
- 12. Agreement rewrite Original: The highest temperature in Paris and Dubai are 20 and 36 degrees, respectively. Suggested revision: The highest temperatures in Paris and Dubai are 20 and 36 degrees Celsius, respectively. Why it matters: This fixes agreement and unit wording.
Suggested Rewrites
- Celsius degree degrees Celsius
- Paris is the coldest city among the three Paris is generally the coldest city for much of the year
- 19 degree C 19 degrees Celsius
- The highest temperature in Paris and Dubai are The highest temperatures in Paris and Dubai are
- both cities became colder both cities become cooler
- 15 degrees celsius 15 degrees Celsius
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The response accurately describes the opposite seasonal patterns of Sydney versus Paris and Dubai and gives many correct peak and low values. It includes a useful overview, though Paris is not always the coldest every month and a few figures are slightly imprecise.
Qualify the coldest-city statement and mention Sydney's warmest and coolest months more exactly.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report is logically structured, with an overview followed by Paris and Dubai and then Sydney. Cohesion is generally good, but the whole answer is a single paragraph.
Use separate paragraphs for the overview, Paris/Dubai comparison, and Sydney's contrasting pattern.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and mostly appropriate, including pattern, opposite, peak, striking differences, and fell steadily. Some expressions are unnatural, such as Celsius degree and witnesses temperature.
Use natural temperature phrases such as degrees Celsius, records, stands at, rises to, and falls to.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The answer uses a range of structures, but there are errors with articles, subject-verb agreement, tense, and plural forms. Meaning remains clear throughout.
Check agreement in sentences with highest temperature and keep present tense for describing graph data.