The line graph below shows the average monthly temperatures in three major cities.
Sample Response
The average monthly temperature of three cities - Paris, Dubai and Sydney, is given in the bar graph and the data compares how the temperature in these cities changes throughout the year. The temperature is measured in Celsius. Overall, Dubai and Paris have a comparatively warmer condition between April and August while an opposite trend is witnessed in Sydney where the first two and last two months of the year have a higher temperature. As the illustration suggests, the temperature in Sydney in roughly 25-degree centigrade in January which is the warmest month of the year there. At that time, the temperature in Dubai is just below 20-degrees, which is the coldest month of the year in this city. With 5-degree centigrade, Paris at that time behold the coldest month of the year. The temperature in Sydney remains above 20-degree till mid-March and then it keeps falling till July when it has nearly 13 centigrade temperature, the coolest. Through the rest of the year, the temperature there steadily increases before reaching 23-degree in December. Conversely, Paris’s temperature remains below 20-degrees throughout the year except in July and August. Paris seems like the coldest city among the three. Finally, the temperature in Dubai reaches as high as 36-degree centigrade in August and this city has a warmer condition from April to October.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Wrong chart type Original: bar graph Suggested revision: line graph Why it matters: The visual is a line graph.
- 2. Agreement and punctuation Original: three cities - Paris, Dubai and Sydney, is given Suggested revision: three cities—Paris, Dubai and Sydney—are shown Why it matters: The plural subject requires are, with matched dashes.
- 3. Unnatural collocation Original: warmer condition Suggested revision: higher temperatures Why it matters: This is the precise comparative term.
- 4. Overgeneralised period Original: first two and last two months Suggested revision: beginning and end of the year Why it matters: Sydney stays comparatively warm beyond only those four months.
- 5. Wrong verb Original: temperature in Sydney in Suggested revision: temperature in Sydney is roughly Why it matters: The clause needs the verb is.
- 6. Inaccurate value Original: roughly 25-degree centigrade Suggested revision: about 24 degrees Celsius Why it matters: The January point is approximately 24°C.
- 7. Unit form Original: just below 20-degrees Suggested revision: just below 20 degrees Why it matters: Do not hyphenate a measurement after a linking verb.
- 8. Wrong verb form Original: Paris at that time behold Suggested revision: Paris at that time experiences Why it matters: Behold is intransitive and inappropriate here.
- 9. Unit and timing Original: above 20-degree till mid-March Suggested revision: above 20 degrees until March Why it matters: Use plural degrees and the graph's monthly scale.
- 10. Measurement phrase Original: 13 centigrade temperature Suggested revision: 13 degrees Celsius Why it matters: This is the standard unit expression.
- 11. Inaccurate endpoint Original: reaching 23-degree in December Suggested revision: reaching about 23 degrees in December Why it matters: Sydney reaches about 23°C, but the unit needs correction and approximation.
- 12. Unit form Original: 20-degrees throughout Suggested revision: below 20 degrees Why it matters: The noun degree is plural after a number.
Suggested Rewrites
- bar graph line graph
- three cities - Paris, Dubai and Sydney, is given three cities—Paris, Dubai and Sydney—are shown
- warmer condition higher temperatures
- first two and last two months beginning and end of the year
- temperature in Sydney in temperature in Sydney is roughly
- roughly 25-degree centigrade about 24 degrees Celsius
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response identifies the contrasting seasonal pattern and reports several peaks and troughs with generally accurate figures. However, it mislabels the line graph, slightly misreads Sydney in January and December, and relies on one dense paragraph with recurring grammatical and collocational errors; prioritise accurate month-by-month comparisons, clearer paragraphing, and consistent temperature expressions.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The main trends and most extrema are covered, but there are small data inaccuracies and limited direct comparison across cities.
Use exact values from the graph and compare the three cities at shared turning points such as January, August and December.
Coherence and Cohesion
The overview is clear and sequencing is broadly logical, but the report is presented as one long paragraph and some links are imprecise.
Separate the overview from two detail paragraphs organised by the rising and falling seasonal patterns.
Lexical Resource
A useful range of trend language is attempted, though several collocations and measurement phrases are unnatural.
Use standard phrases such as 'stood at', 'rose to', 'fell to' and 'degrees Celsius'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences are attempted, but agreement, articles, prepositions and verb forms are frequently inaccurate.
Proofread subject-verb agreement and use shorter clauses when reporting several cities and months.