The bar chart below illustrates five different industries’ percentage share of Brazil’s economy in 2009 and 2019 with a forecast for 2029.
Sample Response
The bar chart shows the actual and projected share of the economy of Brazil held by the five key business sectors for the years 2009, 2019 and 2029. Beginning with the real figures, the sectors that saw growth between 2009 and 2019 are Finance, Fossil Fuels and Food Processing with rises of around 5 percent for the two former and around 10% for the latter. However, both Tourism and Manufacturing saw falls of around 5% for that period. Turning next to the projected figures for 2029, only the Finance sector is predicted to see a continued growth in 2029, again by 5%. Of the remaining sectors, tourism stays at 2019 levels with around 21% and both Food Processing and Oil, Coal and Gas return to 2009 levels (11 and 26% respectively). Meanwhile, Manufacturing sees a further drop in its share, falling by a further 10 percent to around 5 percent. Overall, for the period covered, the Finance sector stands out in terms of having the largest share of brazil’s economy and its share shows continued growth. The big loser is manufacturing, which starts as the joint smallest sector and sees both real and projected falls.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural phrasing Original: share of the economy of Brazil held by Suggested revision: share of Brazil's economy accounted for by Why it matters: This wording describes sectoral contributions more naturally and precisely.
- 2. Keep past tense Original: are Suggested revision: were Why it matters: The historical period requires the past-tense verb 'were'.
- 3. Match chart label Original: Fossil Fuels Suggested revision: Oil, coal and gas Why it matters: Use the category name shown in the chart to keep the description visually accurate.
- 4. Use percentage points Original: 5 percent for the two former Suggested revision: five percentage points for the first two Why it matters: The bars show changes in percentage share, so percentage points is the precise unit.
- 5. Remove article Original: a continued growth Suggested revision: continued growth Why it matters: Growth is uncountable here and does not take the article 'a'.
- 6. Clarify the unit Original: again by 5% Suggested revision: again by five percentage points Why it matters: Finance rises from about 36% to 41%, a change of five percentage points.
- 7. Report exact change Original: a further 10 percent Suggested revision: a further 11 percentage points Why it matters: Manufacturing falls from about 16% in 2019 to 5% in 2029.
- 8. Capitalize country name Original: brazil’s Suggested revision: Brazil’s Why it matters: Country names must begin with a capital letter.
- 9. Use formal wording Original: The big loser Suggested revision: The sector with the largest decline Why it matters: This replacement gives the same comparison in an appropriately formal Task 1 style.
- 10. Correct initial ranking Original: joint smallest sector Suggested revision: second-smallest sector Why it matters: In 2009, Food processing was the smallest sector and Manufacturing was the second smallest.
Suggested Rewrites
- share of the economy of Brazil held by share of Brazil's economy accounted for by
- are were
- Fossil Fuels Oil, coal and gas
- 5 percent for the two former five percentage points for the first two
- a continued growth continued growth
- again by 5% again by five percentage points
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response gives a detailed, mostly precise account of the changes across all five industries, with particularly effective use of figures and comparisons. Its main limitation is the inaccurate overview claim that manufacturing begins as the joint-smallest sector, together with presentation as one continuous paragraph. The highest-priority improvement is to verify every overview statement against the chart and separate the overview from the supporting detail.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The report selects all major trends and supports them with accurate figures, apart from misidentifying manufacturing as joint-smallest in 2009.
Check category rankings carefully before writing the overview so that every broad comparison is fully accurate.
Coherence and Cohesion
The information progresses clearly from historical changes to forecasts, and cohesive links make the relationships easy to follow despite the single-paragraph presentation.
Use distinct paragraphs for the overview and grouped detail to make the strong comparison structure immediately visible.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise range of trend and comparison vocabulary conveys the data naturally, with only minor informality in describing manufacturing as the big loser.
Maintain a consistently formal register by replacing conversational labels with objective descriptions of the steepest decline.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Varied complex structures are used with strong control, and the few slips, such as the article in a continued growth, do not impede meaning.
Refine article use with uncountable trend nouns and proofread capitalization of proper nouns.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The bar chart below illustrates five different industries’ percentage share of Brazil’s economy in 2009 and 2019 with a forecast for 2029.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.