The chart below shows the proportions of graduates from Brighton University in 2019 entering different employment sectors.

Sample Response

IELTS Writing Correction

• 1. Match plural subject Original: choice Suggested revision: choices Why it matters: The plural subject “Politics and public service” requires the plural noun “choices.”
• 2. Give combined figure Original: accounting for nearly a fifth of graduates Suggested revision: together accounting for 17.7% of graduates Why it matters: The exact combined proportion makes the comparison more precise.
• 3. Use concise categories Original: included work in the charitable sector and careers in sport Suggested revision: were charity and sport Why it matters: Naming the chart categories directly makes the sentence more concise and parallel.
• 4. Report exact small shares Original: both of which were chosen by well under 1% of graduates Suggested revision: chosen by 0.3% and 0.1% of graduates, respectively Why it matters: The chart provides exact proportions for charity and sport, so these can be reported precisely.
• 5. Remove unnecessary commas Original: other, unspecified, sectors Suggested revision: other unspecified sectors Why it matters: “Unspecified” directly modifies “sectors,” so the commas are unnecessary.
• 6. Sentence rewrite Original: The pie chart illustrates the career choices of Brighton University's 2019 graduates, giving the percentages who worked in each of various sectors after finishing university. Suggested revision: The pie chart shows the proportions of Brighton University graduates who entered different employment sectors in 2019. Why it matters: This version describes the chart directly and avoids repetitive wording.
• 7. Sentence rewrite Original: Overwhelmingly, industry and government were the most popular choices. Suggested revision: Overall, service industries attracted the largest share of graduates, while sport and charity attracted the smallest shares. Why it matters: The overview should identify the chart’s clearest largest and smallest categories rather than using broad combined labels.
• 8. Sentence rewrite Original: The other significant career choices were education (about 15%) and two others: transportation and warehousing, with 7.8%; and science and technology with 7.3%. Suggested revision: Education accounted for 14.7% of graduates, while transportation and warehousing and science and technology represented 7.8% and 7.3%, respectively. Why it matters: This revision presents the three sectors and their proportions in a clearer parallel structure.
• 9. Improve paragraph structure Suggested revision: Place the overview in its own paragraph, then group the larger sectors separately from the smaller sectors. Why it matters: Separating the overview and grouping related proportions would make the progression easier to follow.

Suggested Rewrites

• choice choices
• accounting for nearly a fifth of graduates together accounting for 17.7% of graduates
• included work in the charitable sector and careers in sport were charity and sport
• both of which were chosen by well under 1% of graduates chosen by 0.3% and 0.1% of graduates, respectively
• other, unspecified, sectors other unspecified sectors
• The pie chart illustrates the career choices of Brighton University's 2019 graduates, giving the percentages who worked in each of various sectors after finishing university. The pie chart shows the proportions of Brighton University graduates who entered different employment sectors in 2019.