The chart below gives information on the percentage of British people giving money to charity by age range for the years 1990 and 2010.
Sample Response
The bar graph illustrates how many British citizens devoting money to charity by various age groups in the years 1990 and 2010. Overall, it is clear that majority of people donating money aged 36 to 65 for both years and people aged from 18 to 25 were the least to donate money.
First and foremost, the most striking feature is that there was an increasing trend in the proportion of British people donating money in 1990 and peaked at people aged 36 to 50 (just above 40%) which is then followed by a gradual drop. The proportion of people who aged over 65 giving money to charity accounted for about 33%.
Turning to 2010, it is revealed that there was a significant rise in the percentage of British people who donate money (approximately 6% for those aged 18 to 25 and 24% for that age group of 26 to 35). A similar trend can be observed for the next age group and hit its peak at about 40%for those aged 51 to 65. In contrary, an opposing trend can be seen in the last age group (people aged over 65).
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use neutral transition Original: First and foremost Suggested revision: In 1990 Why it matters: A direct time reference is clearer than this emphatic transition in a data report.
- 2. Remove wordy framing Original: the most striking feature is that Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: The paragraph can state the trend directly without evaluative framing.
- 3. Use direct trend verb Original: there was an increasing trend in Suggested revision: there was a steady increase in Why it matters: Steady increase describes the movement more directly and precisely.
- 4. Fix clause structure Original: in 1990 and peaked Suggested revision: in 1990, peaking Why it matters: The participial form gives the increase a clear grammatical subject.
- 5. Use group preposition Original: at Suggested revision: among Why it matters: Among is the appropriate preposition for a population group.
- 6. Maintain sentence structure Original: which is then followed by a gradual drop Suggested revision: before gradually declining Why it matters: This phrase links the decline clearly to the preceding peak.
- 7. Fix relative clause Original: people who aged over 65 giving money Suggested revision: people aged 65 and over who gave money Why it matters: The revision fixes the clause structure and matches the chart's 65-plus category.
- 8. Match singular subject Original: accounted for about 33% Suggested revision: was about 32% Why it matters: The singular subject proportion takes was, and the bar is approximately 32%.
- 9. Use direct transition Original: Turning to 2010, it is revealed that Suggested revision: In 2010, Why it matters: The direct year marker removes unnecessary passive framing.
- 10. Clarify the comparison Original: a significant rise Suggested revision: a marked increase across the first two age groups Why it matters: This identifies the rise from 6% to 24% as an age-group comparison within 2010.
- 11. Use past tense Original: donate Suggested revision: donated Why it matters: Past tense is required for data from 2010.
- 12. Fix age-group phrase Original: for that age group of 26 to 35 Suggested revision: for those aged 26 to 35 Why it matters: This is the standard grammatical form for referring to an age group.
Suggested Rewrites
- First and foremost In 1990
- the most striking feature is that Delete
- there was an increasing trend in there was a steady increase in
- in 1990 and peaked in 1990, peaking
- at among
- which is then followed by a gradual drop before gradually declining
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response has a clear overview and follows each year in a logical sequence, accurately identifying the different peak age groups and the lowest group. Coverage is weakened by limited direct comparison and the misleading claim of a rise for the two youngest groups in 2010. Prioritise precise cross-year comparisons, then edit recurring grammatical and collocational errors for clearer reporting.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The main patterns and peaks are identified, but comparisons between years are limited and the claimed rise for the two youngest groups contradicts their lower 2010 values.
Compare each year directly, noting that the three younger groups fell while the two oldest groups increased between 1990 and 2010.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically divided into an overview and year-based detail paragraphs, though some references such as a similar trend and an opposing trend are vague.
Use explicit comparison links that name the age group and clarify whether a percentage rises across ages or changes across years.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a sufficient range of trend vocabulary, but several collocations, including devoting money, people who aged, and in contrary, are inaccurate.
Prefer natural forms such as donated to charity, people aged, by contrast, and reached a peak.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures is attempted, but recurring errors in verb forms, articles, agreement, and clause construction reduce control.
Check that every clause has a finite verb and revise complex sentences to maintain consistent tense and accurate relative-clause structure.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The chart below gives information on the percentage of British people giving money to charity by age range for the years 1990 and 2010.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.