The two pie charts below show some employment patterns in Great Britain in 1992.
Sample Response
The pie charts outline the employment patternsemployment scenario of British men and womenBritish males and females in six occupational categoriessix job sectors in 1992. It is obvious that manual jobs were predominantly held by menwere predominantly done by males whereas a higher percentage of women worked in clerical rolesfemales did clerical jobs. Moreover, managerial and craft related jobs were engaged by a higher proportion of both genders. As the chartsillustration indicates, highermore percentages of British males worked in manual sectors, except in craft-related industries, than their female counterparts didcompared to their female counterparts. For instance, 2% of employed men were general labourers2% general labourers in Great Britain were men while the corresponding figure for womenfemale labourers’ ratio was half of that. Moreover, 24% of men24% males worked in other manual jobsnumerous other manual jobs while this was only 3% for females. Nevertheless, 27% of women27% females in craft-related industries marginally exceeded the ratio of males in the same sector. Looking further into the data, non-manual professions included managerial & professional, clerical and other non-manual jobs. Interestingly, employment rates of females in clerical was five times higher than that of males. This was the category in which 31% of women were employedThis is the job category that many females (31%) we engaged in. Besides, over one-third males were in managerial and professional jobs while almost 30% females were in these positions as well.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response selects the major contrasts well and supports them with accurate percentages, particularly for other manual, clerical, craft-related, and managerial work. Its main limitation is recurring grammatical imprecision in otherwise varied sentences, including missing "of," agreement errors, and the typo "we engaged," while the single-paragraph format weakens the visual grouping. Prioritise a careful grammar check and separate the overview, manual comparisons, and non-manual comparisons into paragraphs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A clear overview and well-selected, accurate figures capture the central gender contrasts in both manual and non-manual employment.
Add the smaller other non-manual category to make coverage more complete without sacrificing the focus on major patterns.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report progresses logically from an overview through manual and non-manual categories, with clear relationships between comparisons despite its single-paragraph presentation.
Make the existing organisation more visible by placing the overview, manual details, and non-manual details in separate paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
A sufficiently broad range of employment vocabulary supports precise comparisons, although phrases such as "more percentages" and "jobs were engaged" are unnatural.
Use conventional constructions such as "a higher proportion worked" and "people were employed in" for greater lexical precision.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Varied simple and complex structures generally communicate clearly, but recurring missing words, agreement errors, and the "we engaged" typo weaken accuracy.
Proofread noun phrases and subject-verb agreement, particularly adding "of" after percentages and ensuring verbs agree with plural rates or proportions.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The two pie charts below show some employment patterns in Great Britain in 1992.
Your response
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