The charts below show the results of a survey of adult education. The first chart shows the reasons why adults decide to study. The pie chart shows how people think the costs of adult education should be shared. Reasons why adult people decide to study (figures in percentages)
Sample Response
The figures in the chart show what motivates adults to study and the ratio of funding for the same. Overall, it is apparent that most students are lured to study due to their love for the subjects and due to this, the largest portion of study cost must be borne by the individual himself, in their opinion. The first chart intends to show that most students are keen to study due to their interest in a subject and to gain higher qualifications. The latter accounts for 38%; there being only 2% difference with the former at 40%. Out of 100, 22 students opine that studying would support their incumbent job. For those students who profess that study would help them in getting a promotion and that it is an interesting activity, an equal result is gathered (20%). A meagre number of students, 12% and 9%, feel that study would assist them to get a new job and that it will build acquaintances with new people. From the second chart, it is seen that the individual should be the highest cost bearer for his own study (40%). Next, comes the employer at 35% and after that the taxpayer with the least burden (25%) of the cost.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Plural visuals Original: figures in the chart Suggested revision: charts Why it matters: There are two visuals, not one chart.
- 2. Natural phrase Original: the ratio of funding Suggested revision: how the costs should be shared Why it matters: This matches the pie chart more directly.
- 3. Neutral tone Original: lured to study Suggested revision: motivated to study Why it matters: Lured has a negative or manipulative meaning that does not fit the chart.
- 4. Participant label Original: most students Suggested revision: most adults Why it matters: The survey is about adults, not specifically students.
- 5. Inclusive wording Original: must be borne by the individual himself Suggested revision: should be borne by individuals themselves Why it matters: This avoids an unnecessary masculine pronoun and better matches the survey view.
- 6. Article needed Original: there being only 2% difference Suggested revision: there being only a 2% difference Why it matters: Difference needs an article in this phrase.
- 7. Natural collocation Original: incumbent job Suggested revision: current job Why it matters: Current job is clearer and more natural.
- 8. Reporting verb Original: profess that study Suggested revision: say that study Why it matters: Profess is too formal and not needed for survey data.
- 9. Neutral quantity Original: A meagre number Suggested revision: A small proportion Why it matters: Meagre is evaluative and less suitable for a neutral report.
- 10. Awkward noun phrase Original: the individual should be the highest cost bearer Suggested revision: individuals should bear the largest share of the cost Why it matters: This is clearer and more idiomatic.
- 11. Neutral term Original: least burden Suggested revision: smallest share Why it matters: Share matches the pie chart better than burden.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: Overall, it is apparent that most students are lured to study due to their love for the subjects and due to this, the largest portion of study cost must be borne by the individual himself, in their opinion. Suggested revision: Overall, interest in the subject and gaining qualifications were the main reasons for study, while respondents thought individuals should pay the largest share of course costs. Why it matters: The original overstates causation between the two charts and uses students instead of adults.
Suggested Rewrites
- figures in the chart charts
- the ratio of funding how the costs should be shared
- lured to study motivated to study
- most students most adults
- must be borne by the individual himself should be borne by individuals themselves
- there being only 2% difference there being only a 2% difference
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The response reports the main reasons for adult study and the cost-sharing proportions accurately, including the two leading reasons and the 40/35/25 split. It loses some precision by repeatedly referring to students rather than adults and by interpreting the cost view too strongly as a consequence of subject interest.
Keep the participants as adults, and avoid claiming that the cost split is caused by their love of subjects unless the chart explicitly states that.
Coherence and Cohesion
The answer is coherent and moves from overview to the bar chart and then the pie chart. It would be clearer with paragraphing between the two visuals.
Use one paragraph for reasons for study and one for cost sharing.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is varied, but some choices are too emotive or unnatural for a neutral report, such as lured, profess, and meagre.
Use neutral reporting language: respondents, stated, cited, a small proportion, and cost share.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammar is mostly controlled, with occasional awkward referencing and pronoun agreement issues.
Revise broad references such as for the same and their opinion so each sentence clearly refers to adult education or survey respondents.