The charts below show what the business and engineering graduates of a particular university were doing six months after graduating. The figures cover a two-year period.
Sample Response
The provided column graphs show what the graduates from business and engineering majors of a university were doing after half a year of their graduation- in two different years. A glance at the diagrams reveals that the majority of those graduates were employeddoing jobs after six months of graduationtheir course completion and this proportionratio was notably higher for engineering graduatesslightly higher for the engineering alumni. As can be seen from the chartsgiven illustration, more than six out of ten business graduates at this universitymore than six business graduates out of ten of this university started working after six months after graduationsix months of their graduation in both yearsyear one and two while the percentage of employed engineering graduatesemployed engineers' percentage at that time was around 75%. A higher proportion of business graduatesMore business graduates continued into higher educationcontinued higher education than engineering alumni in both years and the gap between these two groups was about 18 percentage pointsmore or less 15%. Moreover, a higher percentage of business alumni took their time out, around 8% to be more precise, than the engineering graduates, who accounted for nearly 2%-3% in this category. Finally, roughly one out of ten who completed their engineering degree was seeking a jobwas seeking for a job and the engineering proportiontheir ratio was more than doublemore than double than the business graduates who were also looking for a job. Interestingly, in the second year, a slightly higher percentage from both groups had jobs and a marginally fewer were enrolled in further studies than the first year.
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response presents a clear overview and selects nearly all the important comparisons, with the employment, further-study, time-out, and job-seeking patterns generally matching the charts. Its main limitation is imprecise or awkward expression, especially in comparisons and graduate-status descriptions; the highest-priority improvement is to organise the overview and details into distinct paragraphs while using more exact figures and natural comparative language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A clear overview and broad, accurate coverage of all four destinations capture the main patterns and most key comparisons across both years.
Use more exact figures where possible, particularly for the further-study gap and the year-to-year changes, to make the comparisons fully precise.
Coherence and Cohesion
The information progresses logically from the overall employment pattern through the other destinations, and linking is generally clear despite the single-paragraph presentation.
Separate the overview from the detailed comparisons and group related categories into distinct paragraphs for a more visibly controlled structure.
Lexical Resource
A sufficiently varied academic vocabulary describes proportions and comparisons effectively, although several collocations such as "doing jobs" and "seeking for a job" are unnatural.
Prefer precise natural combinations such as "in employment," "took time out," and "were seeking work," while avoiding repetitive references to graduation.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a good range of complex sentence forms with generally clear meaning, but agreement, article, and comparative-form errors recur.
Proofread comparative structures and noun phrases, correcting forms such as "more than double" and "marginally fewer graduates were enrolled."
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The charts below show what the business and engineering graduates of a particular university were doing six months after graduating. The figures cover a two-year period.
Your response
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