The charts below show what the business and engineering graduates of a particular university were doing six months after graduating. The figures cover a two-year period. Business Graduates Engineering Graduates
Sample Response
The provided column graphs show what the graduates from business and engineering majors of a university were doing after half a year of their graduation- in two different years. A glance at the diagrams reveals that the majority of those graduates were doing jobs after six months of their course completion and this ratio was slightly higher for the engineering alumni. As can be seen from the given illustration, more than six business graduates out of ten of this university started working after six months of their graduation in year one and two while employed engineers' percentage at that time was around 75%. More business graduates continued higher education than engineering alumni in both years and the gap between these two groups was more or less 15%. Moreover, a higher percentage of business alumni took their time out, around 8% to be more precise, than the engineering graduates, who accounted for nearly 2%-3% in this category. Finally, roughly one out of ten who completed their engineering degree was seeking for a job and their ratio was more than double than the business graduates who were also looking for a job. Interestingly, in the second year, a slightly higher percentage from both groups had jobs and a marginally fewer were enrolled in further studies than the first year.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use precise term Original: doing jobs Suggested revision: employed Why it matters: “Employed” is the precise term for this chart category.
- 2. Name the measure Original: ratio Suggested revision: proportion Why it matters: A proportion, rather than a ratio, describes the share of graduates.
- 3. Fix both-year phrase Original: year one and two Suggested revision: both years Why it matters: Use “both years” when referring to the two periods together.
- 4. Correct the gap Original: more or less 15% Suggested revision: about 18 percentage points Why it matters: The charts show an approximately 18-point gap in further study in each year.
- 5. Remove wrong preposition Original: was seeking for a job Suggested revision: was seeking a job Why it matters: The verb “seek” takes a direct object without “for.”
- 6. Fix comparison form Original: more than double than Suggested revision: more than double Why it matters: “Double” does not take “than” in this comparison structure.
- 7. Use natural wording Original: their course completion Suggested revision: graduation Why it matters: “Graduation” is the natural and concise reference to completing the course.
- 8. Reflect the difference Original: slightly higher for the engineering alumni Suggested revision: notably higher for engineering graduates Why it matters: The employment gap of roughly 10–15 percentage points is more than a slight difference.
- 9. Refer to both charts Original: given illustration Suggested revision: charts Why it matters: The response is describing two charts rather than one general illustration.
- 10. Fix phrase order Original: more than six business graduates out of ten of this university Suggested revision: more than six out of ten business graduates at this university Why it matters: This order clearly links the proportion to the business graduates.
- 11. Fix time expression Original: six months of their graduation Suggested revision: six months after graduation Why it matters: Use “after,” not “of,” to express the elapsed time.
- 12. Fix possessive structure Original: employed engineers' percentage Suggested revision: the percentage of employed engineering graduates Why it matters: The revised noun phrase states the measured group clearly.
Suggested Rewrites
- doing jobs employed
- ratio proportion
- year one and two both years
- more or less 15% about 18 percentage points
- was seeking for a job was seeking a job
- more than double than more than double
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response presents a clear overview and selects nearly all the important comparisons, with the employment, further-study, time-out, and job-seeking patterns generally matching the charts. Its main limitation is imprecise or awkward expression, especially in comparisons and graduate-status descriptions; the highest-priority improvement is to organise the overview and details into distinct paragraphs while using more exact figures and natural comparative language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A clear overview and broad, accurate coverage of all four destinations capture the main patterns and most key comparisons across both years.
Use more exact figures where possible, particularly for the further-study gap and the year-to-year changes, to make the comparisons fully precise.
Coherence and Cohesion
The information progresses logically from the overall employment pattern through the other destinations, and linking is generally clear despite the single-paragraph presentation.
Separate the overview from the detailed comparisons and group related categories into distinct paragraphs for a more visibly controlled structure.
Lexical Resource
A sufficiently varied academic vocabulary describes proportions and comparisons effectively, although several collocations such as "doing jobs" and "seeking for a job" are unnatural.
Prefer precise natural combinations such as "in employment," "took time out," and "were seeking work," while avoiding repetitive references to graduation.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a good range of complex sentence forms with generally clear meaning, but agreement, article, and comparative-form errors recur.
Proofread comparative structures and noun phrases, correcting forms such as "more than double" and "marginally fewer graduates were enrolled."
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The charts below show what the business and engineering graduates of a particular university were doing six months after graduating. The figures cover a two-year period. Business Graduates Engineering Graduates
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.