The bar chart shows the percentages of the Canadian workforce in five major industries in 1850 and 2020.
Sample Response
The bar charts divide the Canadian workforce into five categories based on the type of industry they work in for the years 1850 and 2020.
The overall trend shown in the data is a steep rise in the proportion of employees engaged in the service industry, coupled with a decline in manufacturing. The most salient feature is that in 2020 81% of the workforce were involved in providing services, which contrasts sharply with the figure of 33% in 1850. In contrast, we observe a huge drop in the manufacturing industry from over a third in the mid nineteenth century to just 9% by the early twenty-first century.
Furthermore, the 170-year period saw a marked fall in the agriculture and fishing sectors, leaving food production with a tiny 1% of Canadian workers. Similarly, workers in energy and water companies decreased by two thirds. On the other hand, the construction industry experienced significant growth from 5% to 8% over the period.
In general, the job profile of the Canadian workforce changed radically between 1850 and 2020, with the increases coming in the construction and service industry but all other areas seeing a decline.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add introductory comma Original: in 2020 81% Suggested revision: in 2020, 81% Why it matters: A comma after the introductory time phrase improves sentence clarity.
- 2. Avoid repeated contrast Original: In contrast, we observe a huge drop in the manufacturing industry Suggested revision: Manufacturing, meanwhile, saw a sharp fall Why it matters: This removes the immediate repetition of “contrasts sharply” and uses a more formal description.
- 3. Hyphenate compound modifier Original: mid nineteenth century Suggested revision: mid-nineteenth century Why it matters: The compound modifier before “century” should be hyphenated.
- 4. Preserve combined category Original: the agriculture and fishing sectors Suggested revision: the combined agriculture and fishing sector Why it matters: The chart presents agriculture and fishing as one combined industry category.
- 5. Use chart category Original: leaving food production with a tiny 1% of Canadian workers Suggested revision: leaving this category with just 1% of Canadian workers Why it matters: “This category” stays faithful to the combined chart label without introducing a broader paraphrase.
- 6. Name the decreasing measure Original: workers in energy and water companies decreased Suggested revision: the proportion of workers in energy and water decreased Why it matters: The chart shows a fall in the proportion, not a decline in the workers themselves.
- 7. Use neutral change wording Original: significant growth Suggested revision: an increase Why it matters: The neutral wording reports the rise from 5% to 8% without overstating its size.
- 8. Use plural industries Original: industry Suggested revision: industries Why it matters: Two named sectors require the plural noun “industries.”
- 9. Sentence rewrite Original: The bar charts divide the Canadian workforce into five categories based on the type of industry they work in for the years 1850 and 2020. Suggested revision: The bar chart compares the percentages of the Canadian workforce employed in five industries in 1850 and 2020. Why it matters: The rewrite corrects the singular chart reference and clearly states that percentages are being compared.
- 10. Remove repeated overview Suggested revision: Remove this paragraph because its general trends have already been stated clearly in the first overview paragraph. Why it matters: Repeating the overview at the end adds no new comparison and weakens progression.
Suggested Rewrites
- in 2020 81% in 2020, 81%
- In contrast, we observe a huge drop in the manufacturing industry Manufacturing, meanwhile, saw a sharp fall
- mid nineteenth century mid-nineteenth century
- the agriculture and fishing sectors the combined agriculture and fishing sector
- leaving food production with a tiny 1% of Canadian workers leaving this category with just 1% of Canadian workers
- workers in energy and water companies decreased the proportion of workers in energy and water decreased
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response presents a clear, accurate account of the transformation in Canada's workforce, selecting the dominant rise in services and the major declines while supporting them with well-chosen figures. The main limitation is minor imprecision and occasional grammatical slips, including the opening reference to multiple charts. The best refinement is to preserve the strong comparisons while checking singular-plural agreement and using consistently exact industry labels.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A clear overview identifies the central transformation, and the response accurately covers all five industries with relevant figures and comparisons.
Add the exact starting figures for agriculture and fishing and energy and water to make the smaller declines fully explicit.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are sequenced logically from the dominant changes to the smaller categories, with cohesive devices used effectively.
Avoid repeating the overview in the final paragraph and use that space for one further precise comparison.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, precise, and flexible, with effective expressions for scale and change across the period.
Use the chart's exact category labels consistently rather than shifting from agriculture and fishing to the broader phrase food production.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately, and the few errors do not impede communication.
Proofread singular and plural forms, especially the opening reference to the single bar chart and the final industry noun.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The bar chart shows the percentages of the Canadian workforce in five major industries in 1850 and 2020.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.