The bar chart shows the number of cars per 1000 people in 5 European countries in 3 years and compares with the European average.
Sample Response
The chart gives information about the number of cars per 1000 people in five European countries in 2005, 2009 and 2015, in comparison to the European average.
Overall, it can be seen that on average, there was a rise in the number of cars per 1000 people in Europe from 2005 to 2015. In addition, country 4 was the only country where there was no change in the number of cars during the surveyed years.
Country 5 had the highest figure among the five nations, with about 900 per 1000 people in 2005, higher than the average figure for Europe by roughly 200. The figures dropped in 2009 but rose up to almost one car per person by 2015. In contrast, country 1 had the lowest number of cars, with only around 300 cars per 1000 people in 2005. It increased to 400 in 2009 and then returned to its original point six years later.
Country 3 and 4 shared similar figures of approximately 700 per 1000 people in 2005, similar to the European average. However, while the number remained unchanged in country 4, the figures for country 3 dropped below 600 per 1000 in 2015. Finally, the number of cars per 1000 in country 2 went from 500 in 2005, to approximately 560 in 2015.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Clarify comparison Original: in comparison to the European average Suggested revision: and compares these figures with the European average Why it matters: This gives the introductory sentence a clearer parallel verb structure.
- 2. Use concise trend language Original: on average, there was a rise Suggested revision: the average rose Why it matters: The revision states the trend more directly and avoids repeating average.
- 3. Use singular figure Original: figures Suggested revision: figure Why it matters: The sentence tracks one value for Country 5, so figure should be singular.
- 4. Remove redundant particle Original: rose up to Suggested revision: rose to Why it matters: Rose to expresses the increase without the unnecessary word up.
- 5. Use data term Original: point Suggested revision: level Why it matters: Level is the natural term for a value on a chart.
- 6. Use plural country Original: Country Suggested revision: Countries Why it matters: Two countries require the plural noun Countries.
- 7. Avoid repeated wording Original: similar to the European average Suggested revision: matching the European average Why it matters: This removes the repetition of similar while preserving the comparison.
- 8. Use singular figure Original: the figures for country 3 Suggested revision: the figure for Country 3 Why it matters: Only one Country 3 value is being described for 2015, so figure should be singular.
- 9. Sentence rewrite Original: Finally, the number of cars per 1000 in country 2 went from 500 in 2005, to approximately 560 in 2015. Suggested revision: Finally, the number of cars per 1000 people in Country 2 rose from 500 in 2005 to about 550 in 2009, before falling slightly to approximately 530 in 2015. Why it matters: The chart shows an intermediate rise followed by a slight fall, and the 2015 value is about 530 rather than 560.
Suggested Rewrites
- in comparison to the European average and compares these figures with the European average
- on average, there was a rise the average rose
- figures figure
- rose up to rose to
- point level
- Country Countries
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response gives a clear, well-selected overview and organizes the countries into useful comparisons, with figures that are overwhelmingly consistent with the chart. Its main limitation is that a few descriptions are slightly imprecise, especially the final value for country 2 and occasional phrasing around changes. The best improvement would be to check every approximate figure closely and use more exact comparative language where trends differ only modestly.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response highlights the overall rise, the unchanged figure for country 4, and the main highs, lows, and country trends with only minor numerical imprecision.
Check the final country 2 value more closely and distinguish modest fluctuations with exact approximate figures.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically sequenced through a focused overview and well-grouped comparisons, with cohesive devices used clearly and unobtrusively.
Refine the final paragraph's internal ordering so the country 2 comparison is integrated as fully as the other trends.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise range of trend and comparison vocabulary is used naturally, with only occasional slightly awkward expressions such as 'rose up.'
Prefer concise academic collocations such as 'rose to' and 'returned to its initial level' for maximum precision.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures with strong control, and the few minor slips do not impede communication.
Polish small points of phrasing and punctuation around numerical sequences to make an already accurate response more exact.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The bar chart shows the number of cars per 1000 people in 5 European countries in 3 years and compares with the European average.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.