The pie chart below shows the main reasons why agricultural land becomes less productive. The table shows how these causes affected three regions of the world during the 1990s.
Sample Response
The pie chart indicates the factors that negatively affect the productivity of agricultural lands worldwide while the table data illustrates the percentage of land degradation in three main regions due to those factors mentioned. From the pie chart, it can be seen that the major factor that causes the worldwide land degradation is over-grazing. 35% of agricultural lands worldwide become less productive due to a single factor - over-grazing. Deforestation is accounted for 30% degradation of cultivable land while over-cultivation results 28% land degradation. All other minor reasons are categorised as ‘other’ and constituted 7% loss of land fertility. The given table data shows the percentages of agricultural land degradation in three regions during the 1990s, namely - North America, Europe, and Oceania. Oceania comprised many islands in the South Pacific area including New Zealand and Australia. The analysis shows that highest percentage of land degradation, 23%, occurred in Europe in the 1990s. This is followed by Oceania and North America where these percentages were 13% and 5% respectively. The most striking feature was that over-cultivation had zero impact in Oceania as it was mostly affected by over-grazing.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use mass noun Original: agricultural lands worldwide Suggested revision: agricultural land worldwide Why it matters: Land is normally uncountable when referring to farmland in general.
- 2. Sharpen contrast Original: while the table data Suggested revision: whereas the table Why it matters: Whereas makes the contrast between the two visuals clearer and data is redundant.
- 3. Use plural percentages Original: percentage of land degradation Suggested revision: percentages of degraded land Why it matters: The table presents a separate percentage for each region.
- 4. Remove wordiness Original: due to those factors mentioned Suggested revision: due to these causes Why it matters: This shorter phrase refers to the listed causes more directly.
- 5. Use direct reporting Original: From the pie chart, it can be seen that Suggested revision: The pie chart shows that Why it matters: A direct reporting clause is clearer and more concise.
- 6. Remove article Original: the worldwide land degradation Suggested revision: worldwide land degradation Why it matters: The definite article is not used with land degradation in this general sense.
- 7. Fix verb form Original: is accounted for Suggested revision: accounts for Why it matters: Account for is active here because deforestation is the cause.
- 8. State measure precisely Original: 30% degradation of cultivable land Suggested revision: 30% of global land degradation Why it matters: The pie chart gives deforestation's share of worldwide degradation, not the percentage of cultivable land degraded.
- 9. Add correct construction Original: results 28% land degradation Suggested revision: accounts for 28% of land degradation Why it matters: Result does not take a percentage as a direct object in this construction.
- 10. Avoid unsupported label Original: All other minor reasons Suggested revision: All other reasons Why it matters: The chart labels the category as other but does not describe every included cause as minor.
- 11. Keep present tense Original: constituted Suggested revision: constitute Why it matters: Use the present tense consistently when describing what the chart shows.
- 12. Add of phrase Original: 7% loss of land fertility Suggested revision: 7% of the loss of land productivity Why it matters: The percentage needs an of phrase to express its share of the total.
Suggested Rewrites
- agricultural lands worldwide agricultural land worldwide
- while the table data whereas the table
- percentage of land degradation percentages of degraded land
- due to those factors mentioned due to these causes
- From the pie chart, it can be seen that The pie chart shows that
- the worldwide land degradation worldwide land degradation
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response gives an accurate overview and reports all global causes and regional totals clearly, with generally precise vocabulary and a useful comparison of the three regions. Its main limitation is that it barely analyses the table’s individual causes, omitting the dominant cause and figures for North America and Europe; prioritise grouped comparisons across those categories and organise the report into distinct overview and detail paragraphs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The response accurately identifies the main worldwide cause, reports all pie-chart figures and regional totals, and highlights a notable Oceania feature, but most cause-by-region data are omitted.
Compare the three causes across all regions, especially Europe’s high deforestation and over-cultivation figures and North America’s over-cultivation dominance.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information progresses logically from the pie chart to the table and referencing is generally clear, but the entire report is presented as one paragraph.
Separate the introduction, overview, and grouped detail comparisons into distinct paragraphs to make the structure immediately visible.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and appropriately academic, although repeated uses of land degradation and awkward choices such as results 28% reduce precision.
Use more natural collocations such as accounts for, results in, and proportion of land degraded while varying repeated key terms carefully.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a good range of complex structures with mostly clear control, despite several article, preposition, and verb-form errors.
Proofread verb patterns and articles, correcting forms such as is accounted for, results 28%, and highest percentage.
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