The pie charts below show the average household expenditures in a country in 1950 and 2010.
Sample Response
The pie charts show the expenses made in housing, food, healthcare, education, transportation and other items in a country in 1950 and 2010. As is observed from the pie charts, in 1950 almost two-third expenditure was in housing whereas this average expenditure has been increased for food, transportation etc. in 2010. According to the given data, more than 70% expenditure of the people in this country went on in housing in 1950. The second most expenditure in this country was for food. All other expenditures including healthcare, education, transportation etc. were less than 20% in total. After 60 years the trends of expenditure in this country significantly changed. People’s expenditure in housing decreased to only 22% while the expenditure for food increased to just over one-third of the total. Interestingly, the expenditure on education decreased over the time while the expenses for transportation increased to 14%. All other expenditure in 1950 was only 4.4% which increased to roughly 20% in 2010 which indicates the new addition in the category where people started expensing more than they did in 1950. In summary, the expenditure nature of people had changed significantly in 2010 than that had been in 1950 and it is obvious that expenses on food upsurged.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Natural collocation Original: expenses made in housing Suggested revision: spending on housing Why it matters: Use “spending on” for expenditure categories.
- 2. Fraction form Original: two-third expenditure Suggested revision: two-thirds of expenditure Why it matters: Use the plural fraction and add “of”.
- 3. Tense and voice Original: has been increased Suggested revision: increased Why it matters: Use active past/simple comparison; no passive is needed.
- 4. Wrong collocation Original: went on in housing Suggested revision: went on housing Why it matters: The phrase is “money went on housing” or “was spent on housing”.
- 5. Unnatural phrase Original: The second most expenditure Suggested revision: The second-largest expenditure Why it matters: Use a comparative adjective with “expenditure”.
- 6. Smoother link Original: changed. People’s expenditure Suggested revision: changed: people’s expenditure Why it matters: A colon can connect the general statement to the explanation.
- 7. Fixed phrase Original: decreased over the time Suggested revision: decreased over time Why it matters: Do not use “the” in this phrase.
- 8. Category label Original: All other expenditure Suggested revision: Spending on other items Why it matters: This is clearer and matches the “Other” category.
- 9. Wrong word form Original: people started expensing Suggested revision: people started spending Why it matters: “Expensing” is not natural in this context.
- 10. Awkward phrase Original: expenditure nature Suggested revision: spending pattern Why it matters: This is the natural phrase for changes in household expenditure.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: As is observed from the pie charts, in 1950 almost two-third expenditure was in housing whereas this average expenditure has been increased for food, transportation etc. in 2010. Suggested revision: Overall, housing dominated household spending in 1950, while by 2010 food had become the largest category and spending was more evenly distributed. Why it matters: This gives a clearer overview and fixes grammar.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: All other expenditure in 1950 was only 4.4% which increased to roughly 20% in 2010 which indicates the new addition in the category where people started expensing more than they did in 1950. Suggested revision: The “Other” category rose sharply from 4.4% in 1950 to 19.2% in 2010. Why it matters: The original sentence is too wordy and speculative.
Suggested Rewrites
- expenses made in housing spending on housing
- two-third expenditure two-thirds of expenditure
- has been increased increased
- went on in housing went on housing
- The second most expenditure The second-largest expenditure
- changed. People’s expenditure changed: people’s expenditure
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The report gives a clear overview of the major shift from housing dominance in 1950 to a more balanced distribution in 2010, and most figures are accurate. Some details are imprecise, and the conclusion repeats rather than adds a sharp comparison.
Highlight the exact largest increases and decreases: housing fell from 72.1% to 22.0%, while food rose from 11.2% to 34.0% and other spending rose to 19.2%.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically organised by year and has a summary, but some sentences are overloaded and cohesion is repetitive.
Use shorter comparative sentences and avoid repeating “expenditure” in nearly every clause.
Lexical Resource
Topic vocabulary is adequate but includes awkward collocations such as “expenses made”, “expenditure nature”, and “expensing”.
Use natural phrases such as “spending on”, “household budget”, “accounted for”, and “allocated to”.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammar is mostly clear but article use, tense choice, and comparative structures are inconsistent.
Revise sentences with “increased/decreased” and use past simple for the two fixed years.