The chart below shows the number of trips made by children in one country in 1990 and 2010 to travel to and from school using different modes of transport.
Sample Response
The given illustration depicts children’s number of trips to and from the school in a country in 1990 and 2010 with various types of transport.
Overall, all of the transport types used in commuting to school and home by children in age of 5 to 12 decreased, except car passengers that saw an increase in number of trips. Measurements are taken in millions.
First of all, walking and bus halved from 6 million in 1990 to 3 million in 2010. A similar tendency happened to cycling reducing the total number three times from 6 to 2 millions in 1990 and 2010 respectively. Finally, the bus transportation experienced a slight fall in the total number of trips from 7 million in 1990 to 5 million in 2010.
The total number of trips per year committed by walking, which was the most used type in 1990, halved from 12 million in 1990 to 6 million in 2010 .Car passenger type of transportation, however, experienced a massive growth, reaching 11 million in 2010 from 4 million in 1990.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Word order Original: children’s number of trips Suggested revision: the number of trips made by children Why it matters: Using 'the number of trips made by children' is more natural and precise in task introductions.
- 2. Article error Original: the school Suggested revision: school Why it matters: The definite article is unnecessary when referring to school in general as a institution or destination.
- 3. Preposition choice Original: with various types of transport Suggested revision: using various modes of transport Why it matters: 'Modes of transport' combined with the verb 'using' is more appropriate for describing travel methods.
- 4. Preposition and article error Original: in age of 5 to 12 Suggested revision: aged 5 to 12 Why it matters: Use 'aged 5 to 12' or 'in the 5 to 12 age group' to describe the demographic.
- 5. Noun form Original: car passengers Suggested revision: car passenger travel Why it matters: The category represents a mode of transport rather than the passengers themselves.
- 6. Missing article Original: in number of trips Suggested revision: in the number of trips Why it matters: Add the definite article before 'number'.
- 7. Inaccurate category name Original: walking and bus halved from 6 million in 1990 to 3 million in 2010. Suggested revision: 'walking and bus' combined halved from nearly 6 million in 1990 to 3 million in 2010. Why it matters: The category on the chart is specifically labeled 'walking and bus', not separate bus travel.
- 8. Plural unit error Original: reducing the total number three times from 6 to 2 millions in 1990 and 2010 respectively. Suggested revision: reducing the total number threefold from 6 to 2 million in 1990 and 2010 respectively. Why it matters: The word 'million' should remain singular when preceded by a number.
- 9. Repetitive transition Original: Finally, the bus transportation Suggested revision: Meanwhile, travel by bus Why it matters: 'Meanwhile' connects the final mode of transport more smoothly.
- 10. Inappropriate word choice Original: committed by walking Suggested revision: made on foot Why it matters: The verb 'commit' does not collocate with trips; use 'made' or 'taken'.
- 11. Punctuation spacing Original: 2010 .Car passenger Suggested revision: 2010. Car passenger Why it matters: Remove the space before the period and add a space after it.
- 12. Inaccurate figure Original: from 4 million in 1990. Suggested revision: from over 4 million in 1990. Why it matters: The bar for car passengers in 1990 is slightly above 4 million (around 4.3 million).
Suggested Rewrites
- children’s number of trips the number of trips made by children
- the school school
- with various types of transport using various modes of transport
- in age of 5 to 12 aged 5 to 12
- car passengers car passenger travel
- in number of trips in the number of trips
Why this response received Band 6.0
The summary successfully identifies the main trend and includes relevant key data from the bar chart. However, the report suffers from slightly repetitive paragraph organization and minor inaccuracies in phrasing key details. To improve, structure the detailed body paragraphs logically by category without repeating data points, and refine grammatical precision.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
A clear overview is provided and main trends are highlighted, though some data points are presented repetitively across body paragraphs.
Group related categories systematically in dedicated body paragraphs to avoid repeating data like walking trends.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is broadly organized with a clear overall progression, but paragraph planning feels somewhat fragmented.
Use logical grouping principles, such as separating increased modes from decreased modes, to improve paragraph cohesion.
Lexical Resource
An adequate range of vocabulary is used to describe changes, though some word choices and collocations are slightly awkward.
Replace unnatural phrases like 'trips per year committed by walking' with more standard phrasing like 'trips made on foot'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex sentence structures is attempted with generally clear meaning, though minor errors persist.
Focus on correcting preposition usage and article errors, such as 'children aged 5 to 12' instead of 'in age of 5 to 12'.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The chart below shows the number of trips made by children in one country in 1990 and 2010 to travel to and from school using different modes of transport.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.