The bar graph below shows the numbers of male and female research students studying six computer science subjects at a US university in 2011.
Sample Response
The given graph illustrates the number of research students enrolled in six different computer science subjects (linguistics, psychology, natural sciences, engineering, programming and mathematics) at a university in the US in the year 2011, based on their gender.
Overall, the total number of female students studying computer science is fewer than male students. Out of six subjects, only in linguistics, the female students exceed the number of males. In natural sciences, the number of male and female students is equal, while male students’ remaining four subjects are higher than female students. The number of female students studying engineering, programming and mathematics is very less which is the same as male studying linguistics.
Firstly, the male research students with 200 of them studying mathematics are more than four times that of their female counterparts with less than 50. Similarly, the number of female students attending engineering and programming with less than 100 each is less than the number of male students studying the same subjects, exactly 150 each. Also, there are less female than male studying psychology.
However, the number of male and female students studying natural sciences is equal to 200 research students. Interestingly, the female students dominated the linguistics with more than 100 students and males with less than 100.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise grouping Original: based on their gender Suggested revision: by gender Why it matters: This is the standard concise expression for how the figures are divided.
- 2. Correct comparative form Original: very less Suggested revision: much lower Why it matters: Very less is not a standard comparative form for numerical figures.
- 3. Complete the comparison Original: same as male studying linguistics Suggested revision: similar to the number of male students studying linguistics Why it matters: The comparison requires a complete noun phrase on both sides.
- 4. Name the category Original: Firstly Suggested revision: In mathematics Why it matters: A category label guides the reader more clearly than an unsupported sequence marker.
- 5. Use figure as subject Original: the male research students with 200 of them studying mathematics Suggested revision: the figure for male mathematics researchers, at 200, Why it matters: The comparison concerns the numerical figure rather than the students themselves.
- 6. Match singular subject Original: are Suggested revision: was Why it matters: The singular subject figure requires a singular verb.
- 7. Use subject collocation Original: attending Suggested revision: studying Why it matters: Students study subjects rather than attend them.
- 8. Distinguish the figures Original: with less than 100 each Suggested revision: at about 90 and 75 respectively Why it matters: The visual shows different female values for engineering and programming, both below 100.
- 9. Compare figures accurately Original: less Suggested revision: lower Why it matters: Lower is the natural comparative for numerical values.
- 10. Use fewer with people Original: less female than male Suggested revision: fewer female students than male students Why it matters: Fewer is required for countable students, and both comparison groups should be explicit.
- 11. Clarify each group Original: equal to 200 research students Suggested revision: equal, at 200 students each Why it matters: The chart gives 200 male and 200 female students in natural sciences.
- 12. Use precise comparison Original: dominated the linguistics Suggested revision: outnumbered the male students in linguistics Why it matters: Outnumbered precisely describes the higher female figure in this subject.
Suggested Rewrites
- based on their gender by gender
- very less much lower
- same as male studying linguistics similar to the number of male students studying linguistics
- Firstly In mathematics
- the male research students with 200 of them studying mathematics the figure for male mathematics researchers, at 200,
- are was
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response identifies the principal gender patterns and supports them with mostly accurate figures, while its paragraph sequence is easy to follow. Its main limitation is recurring grammatical and collocational awkwardness, and a few comparisons are expressed too loosely to be fully precise. The highest-priority improvement is to form comparisons accurately and use standard quantity language when describing male and female student numbers.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The overview correctly identifies the main gender pattern, and the details accurately cover all six subjects with several useful figures.
Replace loose claims such as several groups being the same with exact or clearly qualified comparisons from the bars.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically arranged into an overview and supporting detail paragraphs, and progression is consistently clear.
Group the details by the clearest comparative patterns and avoid using however where the following point is not a direct contrast.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a sufficient range of topic vocabulary, but expressions such as very less and dominated the linguistics are inaccurate or unnatural.
Use precise quantity and comparison phrases such as far fewer, exceeded, and enrolled in linguistics.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex comparisons are attempted and meaning is generally clear, but agreement, countability, and comparative structures contain recurring errors.
Control comparative forms by matching plural nouns and using fewer with students, especially in sentences containing multiple groups and figures.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The bar graph below shows the numbers of male and female research students studying six computer science subjects at a US university in 2011.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.