The diagram below shows the typical stages of consumer goods manufacturing, including the process by which information is fed back to earlier stages to enable adjustment.
Sample Response
The given diagram shows the steps of the consumer products manufacturing process, as is clearly shown in the diagram that goods manufacturing is a complex process from collection of raw materials to the end product.
As the process clearly shows the first stage of product development is collection and storage of raw materials and manufacturing components. The second stage involves designing of the products and production planning and it’s a lengthy process which includes supervision and monitoring designing progress frequently, and before market surveys, it is necessary to test the product to be aware the quality of the product. If the product is quality wise good then the next stage is packing of the products and make advertising for sale. In this production and manufacturing process, there are mainly two types of processes- the flow of manufacturing process and the flow of information feedback.
In summary, it is value chain development process that starts from collection of raw materials to the end or final product for sale, in each stage of this manufacturing process value is added to products.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove faulty clause Original: as is clearly shown in the diagram that Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: This creates an ungrammatical sentence after shows.
- 2. Add article Original: from collection of raw materials Suggested revision: from the collection of raw materials Why it matters: A noun phrase needs the article here.
- 3. Clearer endpoint Original: the end product Suggested revision: sales Why it matters: The diagram ends with sales after despatch.
- 4. Fix opening clause Original: As the process clearly shows the first stage Suggested revision: The process clearly shows that the first stage Why it matters: The original starts a dependent clause incorrectly.
- 5. Add article Original: is collection and storage Suggested revision: is the collection and storage Why it matters: The noun phrase needs the article.
- 6. Natural noun form Original: designing of the products Suggested revision: product design Why it matters: This is more concise and natural.
- 7. Unsupported description Original: it’s a lengthy process Suggested revision: this stage is linked to feedback Why it matters: The diagram does not show time length.
- 8. Unclear phrase Original: supervision and monitoring designing progress frequently Suggested revision: monitoring design progress Why it matters: The original phrase is awkward.
- 9. Wrong sequence link Original: and before market surveys Suggested revision: and after testing, market research can feed back into design Why it matters: The diagram shows feedback from testing and market research.
- 10. Missing preposition Original: to be aware the quality Suggested revision: to assess the quality Why it matters: Assess the quality is the natural expression.
- 11. Informal phrase Original: quality wise good Suggested revision: of acceptable quality Why it matters: This is more formal and natural.
- 12. Wrong verb phrase Original: make advertising for sale Suggested revision: advertising supports sales Why it matters: The original phrase is ungrammatical.
Suggested Rewrites
- as is clearly shown in the diagram that Delete
- from collection of raw materials from the collection of raw materials
- the end product sales
- As the process clearly shows the first stage The process clearly shows that the first stage
- is collection and storage is the collection and storage
- designing of the products product design
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The response identifies that the diagram shows manufacturing from raw materials to sale and mentions information feedback. However, it omits or blurs key stages such as assembly, inspection, testing, despatch, product research, market research and the specific feedback links.
Describe the main manufacturing flow in order, then explain how feedback from sales, testing and market research returns to earlier planning and design stages.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is a basic introduction, body and summary, but sequencing is not consistently clear. Several stages are merged into long sentences, and feedback flows are not organised separately.
Use one body paragraph for the production process and one for the information-feedback process.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is relevant but limited and sometimes inaccurate, with repeated process, product and manufacturing. Phrases such as quality wise good and make advertising are informal or unnatural.
Use process verbs such as proceeds to, is inspected, is tested, is packaged, is dispatched and feedback is routed back to.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammar errors are frequent, including faulty clauses, missing articles and inaccurate verb forms. Meaning is generally understandable but often strained.
Rewrite long sentences into shorter process steps and check articles before stage, process and product.