The diagram below shows the typical stages of consumer goods manufacturing, including the process by which information is fed back to earlier stages to enable adjustment.
Sample Response
The given diagram shows the stages of manufacturing and process adjustment of the consumer goods. As is observed from the flowchart, the goods manufacturing is a complex process which is done in several stages and information is sometimes fed back to earlier stages to make some adjustments. Firstly, raw materials and other components are stored together and production planning is done. Two major process involves in the overall manufacturing process: one is manufacturing process itself and another one is the information feedback process with which the adjustment of the manufacturing is done. After the product research, the design part is done and this input is used in product planning stage. After the production planning is complete the assembly, inspection, testing and packaging stages are done sequentially. Feedback from testing phase is used in the design stage and which led back to product planning stage. Again, the market research affects the design and advertising stages and inputs from the market research stage are used in the packaging stage. The final two stages are dispatch and sales. The information flow stage gives feedback to other stages to refine and adjust the process. In summary, the consumer goods manufacturing process involves both the multi-staged manufacturing and research methods. The manufacturing stages involve the storage, assembly, inspection, packing to the sales methods whereas the research stages include market & product research, design and advertisement.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Article use Original: stages of manufacturing and process adjustment Suggested revision: stages of manufacturing and the process of adjustment Why it matters: The second noun phrase needs clearer structure.
- 2. Number agreement Original: Two major process involves Suggested revision: Two major processes are involved Why it matters: Use plural “processes” and passive agreement.
- 3. Concise wording Original: manufacturing process itself Suggested revision: manufacturing flow Why it matters: This better matches the diagram’s arrow key.
- 4. Awkward phrasing Original: information feedback process with which Suggested revision: information feedback process through which Why it matters: “Through which” is clearer for a process mechanism.
- 5. Missing article Original: product planning stage Suggested revision: the product planning stage Why it matters: A specific stage needs “the”.
- 6. After production planning is complete, the assembly Original: After the production planning is complete the assembly Suggested revision: A comma helps separate the introductory clause. Why it matters: This can be made more accurate.
- 7. Article consistency Original: testing phase is used Suggested revision: the testing phase is used Why it matters: Use “the” for a named stage already introduced.
- 8. Broken clause Original: and which led back Suggested revision: which leads back Why it matters: Remove “and” and use present simple for a process.
- 9. Wrong label Original: sales methods Suggested revision: sales stage Why it matters: Sales is a stage in the diagram, not a method.
- 10. Chart label Original: advertisement Suggested revision: advertising Why it matters: The diagram labels this stage “advertising”.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: Feedback from testing phase is used in the design stage and which led back to product planning stage. Suggested revision: Feedback from the testing stage is sent back to design, which then influences production planning. Why it matters: This fixes the grammar and describes the feedback route more clearly.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: Again, the market research affects the design and advertising stages and inputs from the market research stage are used in the packaging stage. Suggested revision: Market research feeds back to design, packaging, and advertising, helping later stages respond to customer demand. Why it matters: This better summarises the blue feedback arrows.
Suggested Rewrites
- stages of manufacturing and process adjustment stages of manufacturing and the process of adjustment
- Two major process involves Two major processes are involved
- manufacturing process itself manufacturing flow
- information feedback process with which information feedback process through which
- product planning stage the product planning stage
- After the production planning is complete the assembly A comma helps separate the introductory clause.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The response explains the main manufacturing sequence and recognises that information is fed back to earlier stages. It misses some exact feedback routes and occasionally blurs product research, design, market research, and advertising relationships.
Follow both arrow types separately: first describe the manufacturing flow from storage to sales, then describe feedback from sales/testing/market research to planning, design, packaging, and advertising.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report has an overview and a sequential description, but some links are awkward and the final summary repeats earlier content.
Use process connectors such as “after this”, “at this point”, “in parallel”, and “feedback is then sent back to”.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is generally appropriate for a process diagram, but some collocations are inaccurate or wordy.
Replace vague phrases such as “sales methods” and “research methods” with precise labels from the diagram.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There are frequent agreement, article, and clause errors, especially in complex sentences about feedback.
Simplify complex clauses and make sure each sentence has a clear subject and finite verb.