The graph below shows the daily consumption of three spreads per person from 1981 to 2007 in a country.
Sample Response
The line graph compares per day consumption of three different spreads - 'margarine', 'low fat & reduced spreads', and 'butter' in a country between 1981 and 2007. Daily per person consumption has been measured in grams. Overall, the consumption of all spreads declined significantly from 1981 to 2007 with the exception of low fat & reduced spreads. Looking into detail, butter was the most preferred spread with 141 grams per day per person consumption in 1981. Consumption of margarine and low fat & reduced spreads was 99 grams and just 10 grams, respectively, in the same year. While the consumption of butter and dropped remarkably afterwards, people started to consume less amount of margarine as well. However, the intake of low fat and reduced spreads increased drastically and reached the peak of 80 grams in 2001, and became the most consumed spread in 2007. The consumption of butter and margarine decreased dramatically over a period of 28 years. In details, butter’s consumption rose steadily and touched a high of 170 grams per capita in 1986, but after that, it decreased continuously and reached nearly 55 grams by 2007. Similarly, margarine showed the same trend with some fluctuations, decreasing from 100 grams to 80 grams between 1979 and 2007.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural collocation Original: per day consumption Suggested revision: daily consumption Why it matters: Daily consumption is the standard compact phrase for this measurement.
- 2. Fix modifier order Original: Daily per person consumption Suggested revision: Daily consumption per person Why it matters: Place per person after the noun phrase it qualifies.
- 3. Remove stray conjunction Original: the consumption of butter and dropped Suggested revision: butter consumption dropped Why it matters: The conjunction and has no second coordinated element and makes the clause ungrammatical.
- 4. Use uncountable form Original: less amount of margarine Suggested revision: less margarine Why it matters: Margarine is uncountable here, so less can modify it directly.
- 5. Correct time span Original: over a period of 28 years Suggested revision: over the 26-year period Why it matters: The interval from 1981 to 2007 is 26 years.
- 6. Fix fixed phrase Original: details Suggested revision: detail Why it matters: The conventional transition uses the singular form detail.
- 7. Correct butter peak Original: 170 grams per capita in 1986 Suggested revision: 160 grams per person in 1986 Why it matters: The graph places butter at approximately 160 grams in 1986.
- 8. Use clear list punctuation Original: three different spreads - Suggested revision: three spreads: Why it matters: A colon introduces the following list more cleanly than a spaced hyphen.
- 9. Use formal category names Original: 'margarine', 'low fat & reduced spreads', and 'butter' Suggested revision: margarine, low-fat and reduced-fat spreads, and butter Why it matters: Remove unnecessary quotation marks and replace the ampersand with formal wording.
- 10. Use concise transition Original: Looking into detail Suggested revision: In detail Why it matters: This standard transition is clearer and more concise in a chart report.
- 11. Describe consumption precisely Original: most preferred spread Suggested revision: most widely consumed spread Why it matters: The chart measures consumption rather than people's stated preferences.
- 12. Refine butter value Original: 141 grams per day per person consumption Suggested revision: about 140 grams per person per day Why it matters: The 1981 butter point is approximately 140 grams, so 141 is unjustifiably exact.
Suggested Rewrites
- per day consumption daily consumption
- Daily per person consumption Daily consumption per person
- the consumption of butter and dropped butter consumption dropped
- less amount of margarine less margarine
- over a period of 28 years over the 26-year period
- details detail
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response supplies a useful overview and communicates the broad decline in butter and margarine alongside the rise of low-fat spreads. Its effectiveness is limited by several serious inaccuracies: low-fat spreads did not appear until 1996, butter peaked at about 160 grams, and margarine ended near 40 rather than 80 grams. The priority is to verify dates and endpoints before describing each series.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The main overall trends are identified, but invented early data for low-fat spreads and inaccurate peak, endpoint, and date information substantially reduce factual reliability.
Report low-fat spreads only from 1996 and correct the key endpoints, especially margarine at about 40 grams and butter at about 50 grams in 2007.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses from an overview to details in a generally logical way, though repeated statements about decline and a contradictory account of butter weaken cohesion.
Group the two declining spreads together in one paragraph and describe the later-introduced low-fat spread separately to avoid repetition and contradiction.
Lexical Resource
A reasonably wide range of trend language is used, but some choices are awkward or imprecise, including "per day consumption," "less amount," and "In details."
Prefer precise forms such as "daily consumption," "less margarine," and "In detail," while reserving dramatic adverbs for changes that justify them.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied sentence forms, but errors in clause construction, articles, and punctuation are noticeable, most clearly in "the consumption of butter and dropped."
Proofread each complex sentence for a complete subject-verb structure and remove unnecessary commas before coordinated verbs.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below shows the daily consumption of three spreads per person from 1981 to 2007 in a country.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.