The chart below shows the changes that took place in three different areas of crime in New Port city center from 2003-2012. The changing rates of crime in the New Port city from 2003-2012
Sample Response
The line graphs illustrate the variation of three types of crimes in Newport city centre over a 10-year period. In general, almost every crime rate fluctuated over the given period of time except burglary which showed an overall downward trend.
Initially, in 2003, there were more cases of burglary (approximately 3400) than car theft (roughly 2800) and robbery (just above 500). Over the time frame, there were always more incidents of car theft than robbery whereas the number of incidents of burglary was higher than that of car theft from 2003 to 2006 and there was equal in the number of cases of burglary and car theft in the middle of the year 2006. From 2007 onwards, there were more cases of car theft than burglary, which is followed by robbery.
There was a sharp dip in the number of incidents of car theft in 2006 (around 2100) before it continued to rise until the year of 2012. The number of occurrence of burglary and robbery reached their lowest points in 2008, with figures just above 1000 and 500 respectively.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use singular graph Original: graphs Suggested revision: graph Why it matters: The task contains one line graph with three series.
- 2. Use concise time link Original: Over the time frame Suggested revision: Throughout the period Why it matters: Throughout the period expresses the time-wide comparison more directly.
- 3. Fix equality structure Original: there was equal in the number of cases of burglary and car theft Suggested revision: the numbers of burglary and car-theft cases were equal Why it matters: Equal must describe the two plural numbers rather than follow there was.
- 4. Avoid unsupported timing Original: the middle of the year 2006 Suggested revision: 2006 Why it matters: The chart gives annual data and does not identify a point in the middle of 2006.
- 5. Use plural count noun Original: occurrence Suggested revision: occurrences Why it matters: Number of requires a plural count noun here.
- 6. Report values accurately Original: just above 1000 and 500 respectively Suggested revision: approximately 1,200 and 500, respectively Why it matters: The 2008 burglary figure is about 1,200, while the robbery figure is about 500.
- 7. Use graph verb Original: variation of Suggested revision: changes in Why it matters: Changes in is the natural collocation for describing trends in line-graph series.
- 8. Use uncountable crime Original: crimes Suggested revision: crime Why it matters: Crime is normally uncountable after types of when naming categories.
- 9. Match place name Original: Newport city centre Suggested revision: New Port city centre Why it matters: The task identifies the city as New Port.
- 10. Be concise Original: given period of time Suggested revision: period Why it matters: Period already expresses the complete time span, making the remaining words redundant.
- 11. Add relative-clause comma Original: burglary which Suggested revision: burglary, which Why it matters: The clause adds non-defining information about the already identified category and should be set off with a comma.
- 12. Format large number Original: approximately 3400 Suggested revision: approximately 3,400 Why it matters: A comma improves the readability of this four-digit figure.
Suggested Rewrites
- graphs graph
- Over the time frame Throughout the period
- there was equal in the number of cases of burglary and car theft the numbers of burglary and car-theft cases were equal
- the middle of the year 2006 2006
- occurrence occurrences
- just above 1000 and 500 respectively approximately 1,200 and 500, respectively
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response is clearly organised and compares the three crime categories with several accurate figures, especially at the start of the period and at their low points. However, it inaccurately describes car theft as rising continuously after 2006 and gives limited coverage of the major fluctuations and endpoints. Prioritise tracing each series accurately across the full period, then refine awkward grammatical and collocational choices.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The report identifies the broad burglary decline and several useful comparisons, but its car-theft trend is inaccurate and important peaks, fluctuations, and final values are underdeveloped.
Describe the post-2006 car-theft fluctuations accurately and include the principal peak and endpoint for each series.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is arranged in a logical overview-and-details sequence, although one long comparison sentence becomes cumbersome and some progression is imprecise.
Group the details by major trend and divide lengthy multi-year comparisons into shorter, more clearly ordered sentences.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary for trends and crime data shows reasonable range, but phrases such as variation of crimes and number of occurrence are not consistently natural.
Use established combinations such as incidence of crime, number of incidents, remained stable, peaked, and fell sharply.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are attempted with generally clear meaning, but recurring agreement, article, and clause-construction errors limit grammatical control.
Proofread clauses such as there was equal in the number and which is followed, replacing them with complete and consistently tensed structures.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The chart below shows the changes that took place in three different areas of crime in New Port city center from 2003-2012. The changing rates of crime in the New Port city from 2003-2012
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.