The chart below shows the changes that took place in three different areas of crime in New Port city center from 2003-2012. The changing rates of crime in the New Port city from 2003-2012
Sample Response
The graph represents the variation in levels in the three main areas of crime in the centre of Newport city in the time period from 2003 to 2012. To start with, it was 3400 incidences of burglary in 2003 and 3750 in 2004. Fortunately, in the next 4 years it fell down dramatically and reached the absolute minimum in 2008 (1100 incidences), however, it then grew by 300 accidents and remained fairly constant by 2012. Car theft was a steady level of crime from 2003 to 2004 and got reduced in next 5 years from 2700 up to 2250. The number then increased to 2700 in 2012. Robbery reached its peak in 2005, which was 900 cases and decreased back to 500 in 2008. In the following two years, the number of incidences rose to 700 and continued to stay at this level in 2012. In conclusion, in the Newport city centre, the rate of burglary fell significantly, the level of robbery remained fairly constant, whereas car theft raised and had the biggest number of incidences in 2012.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Name the comparison clearly Original: variation in levels in the three main areas of crime Suggested revision: changes in the levels of three types of crime Why it matters: The revised phrase identifies the chart’s categories more directly and naturally.
- 2. Use concise timeframe Original: in the time period Suggested revision: over the period Why it matters: ‘Over the period’ is the more concise academic expression.
- 3. Fix existence structure Original: it was 3400 incidences Suggested revision: there were 3,400 incidents Why it matters: A plural count requires ‘there were’, and the correct noun is ‘incidents’.
- 4. Keep reporting objective Original: Fortunately, in the next 4 years Suggested revision: Over the next four years Why it matters: ‘Fortunately’ adds a personal judgement that is inappropriate in an objective chart report.
- 5. Use concise trend verb Original: fell down dramatically Suggested revision: fell dramatically Why it matters: ‘Fell’ already expresses downward movement, so ‘down’ is redundant.
- 6. Use chart terminology Original: absolute minimum Suggested revision: lowest point Why it matters: ‘Lowest point’ is the natural expression for a series minimum.
- 7. Correct the minimum Original: 1100 incidences Suggested revision: about 1,200 incidents Why it matters: The burglary series reaches its lowest point at approximately 1,200 in 2008.
- 8. Fix comma splice Original: , however, Suggested revision: . However, Why it matters: Two independent clauses cannot be joined by commas around ‘however’.
- 9. Correct change and noun Original: by 300 accidents Suggested revision: by about 200 incidents Why it matters: Burglary rose from roughly 1,200 to 1,400, and crimes are incidents rather than accidents.
- 10. Use duration preposition Original: remained fairly constant by 2012 Suggested revision: remained fairly stable through 2012 Why it matters: ‘Through’ correctly describes a state continuing across the remaining years.
- 11. Refine peak value Original: which was 900 cases Suggested revision: at about 850 incidents Why it matters: The robbery peak in 2005 is slightly below 900, at approximately 850.
- 12. Use concise trend verb Original: decreased back Suggested revision: fell Why it matters: ‘Fell’ expresses the downward movement without the awkward addition ‘back’.
Suggested Rewrites
- variation in levels in the three main areas of crime changes in the levels of three types of crime
- in the time period over the period
- it was 3400 incidences there were 3,400 incidents
- Fortunately, in the next 4 years Over the next four years
- fell down dramatically fell dramatically
- absolute minimum lowest point
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response follows all three crime categories and selects several meaningful peaks and lows, with burglary and robbery described broadly accurately. Its main limitation is the treatment of car theft: it did not rise overall, and the 2012 figure is about 2,300 rather than 2,700, making the concluding trend inaccurate. Prioritise a precise overview based on start-to-end patterns, then verify each reported value against the chart.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The main burglary decline and broadly stable robbery pattern are covered, but the car-theft endpoint and overall trend are reported inaccurately.
State that car theft fluctuated and ended near 2,300 incidents, becoming the largest category despite finishing below its 2003 level.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses clearly through burglary, car theft, and robbery before an overview, though all content is compressed into one paragraph.
Place the overview immediately after the introduction and use separate detail paragraphs to compare the major and minor crime categories.
Lexical Resource
A sufficient range of trend vocabulary is attempted, but word-choice errors such as ‘incidences’, ‘accidents’, ‘raised’, and ‘from 2700 up to 2250’ reduce precision.
Use ‘incidents’, ‘rose’, ‘fell from … to …’, and neutral reporting language rather than evaluative words such as ‘fortunately’.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Both simple and complex forms are used, but errors in clause control, articles, prepositions, and sentence boundaries occur regularly.
Correct structures such as ‘there were 3,400 incidents’, ‘over the next four years’, and ‘car theft remained steady’.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The chart below shows the changes that took place in three different areas of crime in New Port city center from 2003-2012. The changing rates of crime in the New Port city from 2003-2012
Your response
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