The diagram shows the water cycle, which is the continuous movement of water on, above and below the surface of the Earth.
Sample Response
The picture illustrates the way in which water passes from ocean to air to land during the natural process known as the water cycle.
Three main stages are shown on the diagram. Ocean water evaporates, falls as rain, and eventually runs back into the oceans again.
Beginning at the evaporation stage, we can see that 80% of water vapour in the air comes from the oceans. Heat from the sun causes water to evaporate, and water vapour condenses to form clouds. At the second stage, labelled ‘precipitation’ on the diagram, water falls as rain or snow.
At the third stage in the cycle, rainwater may take various paths. Some of it may fall into lakes or return to the oceans via ‘surface runoff’. Otherwise, rainwater may filter through the ground, reaching the impervious layer of the earth. Salt water intrusion is shown to take place just before groundwater passes into the oceans to complete the cycle.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Clarify the movement Original: passes from ocean to air to land Suggested revision: moves from the ocean into the air and onto land Why it matters: Articles and more precise prepositions make the route of the water clearer.
- 2. Include snow Original: evaporates, falls as rain, and Suggested revision: evaporates, falls as rain or snow, and Why it matters: The visual shows precipitation as both rain and snow.
- 3. Use diagram collocation Original: on Suggested revision: in Why it matters: Features are conventionally described as being shown in a diagram.
- 4. Report approximation Original: 80% of water vapour in the air comes from the oceans Suggested revision: about 80% of the water vapour in the air comes from the ocean Why it matters: The visual presents this proportion as approximate rather than exact.
- 5. Avoid false alternative Original: Otherwise Suggested revision: In addition Why it matters: Groundwater infiltration is another simultaneous pathway rather than an alternative that excludes surface runoff.
- 6. Use precise process verb Original: may filter through the ground Suggested revision: may infiltrate the ground Why it matters: Infiltrate is the more precise term for water entering the soil.
- 7. Correct groundwater position Original: reaching the impervious layer Suggested revision: collecting above the impervious layer Why it matters: The diagram shows groundwater moving above the impervious layer rather than entering that layer.
- 8. Sentence rewrite Original: Salt water intrusion is shown to take place just before groundwater passes into the oceans to complete the cycle. Suggested revision: Near the coast, groundwater flows above the impervious layer into the ocean, with saltwater intrusion shown at the shoreline. Why it matters: The visual presents saltwater intrusion as a coastal interaction, not as a stage occurring just before groundwater reaches the ocean.
- 9. Complete the overview Suggested revision: Include cloud formation and identify both surface runoff and groundwater as the main return routes to the ocean. Why it matters: These features would make the overview represent the full cycle more completely.
Suggested Rewrites
- passes from ocean to air to land moves from the ocean into the air and onto land
- evaporates, falls as rain, and evaporates, falls as rain or snow, and
- on in
- 80% of water vapour in the air comes from the oceans about 80% of the water vapour in the air comes from the ocean
- Otherwise In addition
- may filter through the ground may infiltrate the ground
Why this response received Band 9.0
The response gives a clear, accurate overview and traces the cycle logically from evaporation through precipitation to the return of water to the ocean. Its strongest feature is the precise, economical selection of process stages, supported by highly controlled language. The only minor limitation is the compressed treatment of the land-based routes; the best refinement would be to distinguish surface runoff, lakes, and groundwater even more explicitly.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response fully and accurately presents the cycle's overall pattern and all major stages shown in the diagram.
For still greater precision, distinguish the separate surface-runoff, lake, and groundwater routes more explicitly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information progresses seamlessly from the overview through each stage, with clear and unobtrusive linking.
Maintain this concise stage-by-stage organisation while keeping each paragraph focused on one phase of the cycle.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is precise, natural, and suitably technical, including terms such as evaporation, precipitation, surface runoff, and impervious layer.
Preserve this exact process vocabulary and continue avoiding unnecessary paraphrase of technical labels.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of sentence structures is used with consistently accurate grammar and punctuation.
Continue varying clause structures while retaining the same level of control and clarity.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The diagram shows the water cycle, which is the continuous movement of water on, above and below the surface of the Earth.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.