The bar chart shows the distribution of employment among agriculture, services, industries in three countries in 1980 and projected distribution in 2020.
Sample Response
The given bar charts compare the proportions of people working in three sectors (Agriculture, Industry, and Services) in three countries in 1980, along with predicted changes in 2020.
Overall, it can be seen that services were the main source of employment for people in countries A and C, while agriculture was the main area of employment in country B. Additionally, despite some slight variations, there are no predicted changes in the overall trends of these countries’ employment distribution.
In 1980, the main source of jobs in countries A and C was services, at approximately 45% and 65%, followed by industry, at 30% and 35% respectively. Jobs in agriculture accounted for the smallest percentage of the workforce in both countries, at around 20% and 5% respectively. Both countries are expected to see a decrease in industry related jobs and a rise in service jobs by 2020.
Country B, on the other hand, saw the largest percentage of jobs in agriculture, at approximately 70%, followed by services and industry, at approximately 35% and 20% respectively. It is predicted that trends will also remain the same in country B, with an approximate 15% decrease in agriculture jobs.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use projection phrasing Original: predicted changes in 2020 Suggested revision: projections for 2020 Why it matters: The chart presents projected values for a future year rather than changes occurring within that year.
- 2. Use concise comparison Original: main source of employment for people in countries A and C Suggested revision: largest employment sector in countries A and C Why it matters: This wording expresses the comparison more directly and precisely.
- 3. Use sector terminology Original: main area of employment in country B Suggested revision: largest employment sector in country B Why it matters: Sector is the precise term used for the chart's categories.
- 4. Hyphenate compound adjective Original: industry related jobs Suggested revision: industry-related jobs Why it matters: A compound modifier before a noun should be hyphenated.
- 5. Correct agriculture value Original: 70 Suggested revision: 55 Why it matters: Country B's agriculture share in 1980 is about 55%, not 70%.
- 6. Correct service value Original: 35 Suggested revision: 25 Why it matters: Country B's service share in 1980 is about 25%, while industry is about 20%.
- 7. State unchanged ranking Original: trends will also remain the same in country B Suggested revision: agriculture is projected to remain the largest sector in country B Why it matters: The sector values change substantially even though agriculture retains the largest share.
- 8. Correct projected decrease Original: an approximate 15% decrease Suggested revision: a decrease of about 7 percentage points Why it matters: Agriculture in Country B falls from roughly 55% to 48%, a drop of about seven percentage points.
- 9. Lowercase sector names Original: (Agriculture, Industry, and Services) Suggested revision: (agriculture, industry, and services) Why it matters: Generic sector names do not require initial capitals in running text.
- 10. Use concise measure Original: proportions of people working Suggested revision: employment shares Why it matters: Employment shares conveys the same chart measure more concisely.
- 11. Use direct reporting Original: it can be seen that Suggested revision: the charts show that Why it matters: A direct reporting clause is clearer and less impersonal.
- 12. Strengthen projection link Original: Both countries are expected to see Suggested revision: Both countries are projected to experience Why it matters: This wording keeps the future comparison explicit and formal.
Suggested Rewrites
- predicted changes in 2020 projections for 2020
- main source of employment for people in countries A and C largest employment sector in countries A and C
- main area of employment in country B largest employment sector in country B
- industry related jobs industry-related jobs
- 70 55
- 35 25
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response is well organised, fluent, and supported by a clear overview that correctly identifies the dominant employment sectors in all three countries. The main weakness is the uneven treatment of the projected data, alongside substantial inaccuracies for Country B in 1980 and its predicted agricultural decline. Prioritise checking those figures and adding the key 2020 proportions so that the otherwise strong comparison is complete and reliable.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The overview selects the main patterns accurately, but projected figures are underdeveloped and several Country B values and changes are substantially inaccurate.
Verify Country B against the chart and include representative 2020 figures for all three countries to support the overview fully.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is sequenced logically in focused paragraphs, with clear comparisons and natural progression throughout.
Make the 1980-to-2020 comparison even more direct by pairing each current figure with its projection within the same sentence.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and precise for employment data, with only minor repetition and occasional awkward wording.
Vary repeated expressions such as main source of jobs and use consistently precise forms such as industry-related employment.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of sentence structures is used accurately, and the few minor errors do not impede communication.
Refine tense consistency when moving between 1980 observations and 2020 projections.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The bar chart shows the distribution of employment among agriculture, services, industries in three countries in 1980 and projected distribution in 2020.
Your response
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