The graph above shows information about employment rates across 6 countries in 1995 and 2005.
Sample Response
The bar chart provides the employment rates of different genders in 6 countries between 1995 and 2005.
Overall, it shows that the males had a better job record than the females. Furthermore, during a decade the work opportunity for both males and females increased all over the countries. It is evident that the man employment conditions in Iceland were comparatively higher than the other four countries, reaching 70 to 80 percent in ten years.
As given in the diagram, in 1995, more than 60% of men were employed in Switzerland and Iceland, while in the other four countries the rates were equal to or below 60%. After ten years, the male employment percentage was over 70%, except for Australia. In contrast, by 1995, the female employment rate was more than 50% for Switzerland only. Meanwhile, the rest of the countries were around 20 % to 50%. This data rose ten years later so that in 2005, the female employment rate reached nearly 70% in Switzerland and for the rest of the countries, it was under 65%.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use time range phrase Original: during a decade Suggested revision: over the decade Why it matters: Over the decade describes change across the full period more naturally.
- 2. Use chart terminology Original: work opportunity Suggested revision: employment rates Why it matters: The chart reports rates rather than a single work opportunity.
- 3. Correct country phrase Original: all over the countries Suggested revision: in all six countries Why it matters: In all six countries is the correct prepositional phrase.
- 4. Use precise measure Original: man employment conditions Suggested revision: male employment rates Why it matters: This phrase accurately names the measure shown in the chart.
- 5. Correct country count Original: four Suggested revision: five Why it matters: The chart includes six countries, so Iceland is compared with five others.
- 6. State Iceland values Original: reaching 70 to 80 percent in ten years Suggested revision: rising from about 70% to just over 80% Why it matters: This more accurately expresses Iceland's male rates in 1995 and 2005.
- 7. Use exact time point Original: by Suggested revision: in Why it matters: The sentence reports a value at that year rather than a change completed by it.
- 8. Correct agreement Original: This data rose Suggested revision: These figures rose Why it matters: The plural values require a plural demonstrative and noun.
- 9. Use people terms Original: both males and females Suggested revision: both men and women Why it matters: Men and women is more natural when referring to people in employment data.
- 10. Remove redundancy Original: comparatively higher Suggested revision: higher Why it matters: Higher already expresses a comparison, so comparatively is unnecessary.
- 11. Name the comparison year Original: After ten years Suggested revision: In 2005 Why it matters: The exact year connects this statement directly to the chart labels.
- 12. Use consistent measure Original: percentage Suggested revision: rate Why it matters: Employment rate is the standard term used throughout this report.
Suggested Rewrites
- during a decade over the decade
- work opportunity employment rates
- all over the countries in all six countries
- man employment conditions male employment rates
- four five
- reaching 70 to 80 percent in ten years rising from about 70% to just over 80%
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response is well focused and presents a clear overall pattern: male employment was higher and rates generally rose across the decade, with useful grouping rather than a country-by-country list. However, supporting detail is quite broad and some expressions are inaccurate or awkward; the best improvement would be to add a few precise cross-country comparisons while using natural employment vocabulary and consistently controlled sentence structures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response gives an accurate overview and relevant grouped comparisons, although supporting figures and distinctions among individual countries are limited.
Add a few precise values showing the highest, lowest, and most notable male-female or 1995-2005 contrasts across the six countries.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information progresses logically from the overview to grouped male and female comparisons, with generally effective paragraphing and referencing.
Strengthen cohesion by replacing vague references such as 'This data' with the exact group or trend being discussed.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficient for the task and communicates the trends, but awkward expressions including 'job record' and 'man employment conditions' limit naturalness and precision.
Use standard terms such as employment rate, male employment, female employment, proportion, and percentage-point increase consistently.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures conveys the main comparisons clearly, though recurring article, agreement, plural, and phrasing errors remain noticeable.
Proofread noun phrases and agreement carefully, especially constructions involving men and women, rates, countries, and comparative forms.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph above shows information about employment rates across 6 countries in 1995 and 2005.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.