The bar charts below show the percentages of men and women in employment in three countries in 2005 and 2015.
Sample Response
The two charts show the percentages of men and women in employment in three countries in the years 2005 and 2015. In general, we can see that the percentages of working people increased, with the proportion of women showing the most significant rise.
In all of the countries covered, and in both years, the number of men in employment was greater than the number of women. South Korea has the highest rate of male employment – approximately 75% in 2005, rising slightly to about 78% in 2015 – and Canada has the lowest – just over 60% in 2005 and 70% in 2015.
The proportion of women in employment was lower than men in all of the countries covered over the two years. It was below 50% everywhere in 2005, but the figures had risen by 2015. In Canada, over half of the women were working, and in Sweden the figure was exactly 50%. In contrast, the number of South Korean women who were working was only about 35% compared with a percentage which was more than double for men at over 70%.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use percentage language Original: the number of men in employment was greater than the number of women Suggested revision: the percentage of employed men was higher than that of employed women Why it matters: The chart reports percentages rather than numbers of people.
- 2. Complete comparison Original: lower than men Suggested revision: lower than that of men Why it matters: Compare the female proportion with the male proportion, not with men themselves.
- 3. Clarify both years Original: over the two years Suggested revision: in both years Why it matters: The chart gives two separate years rather than a continuous two-year period.
- 4. Name the measure Original: the figures had risen Suggested revision: female employment rates had risen Why it matters: Naming the measure makes the reference clearer and more precise.
- 5. Use chart terminology Original: over half of the women were working Suggested revision: the female employment rate exceeded 50% Why it matters: This wording reports the percentage more precisely in Task 1 style.
- 6. Sentence rewrite Original: South Korea has the highest rate of male employment – approximately 75% in 2005, rising slightly to about 78% in 2015 – and Canada has the lowest – just over 60% in 2005 and 70% in 2015. Suggested revision: Sweden had the highest male employment rate in 2005, at about 78%, while South Korea led in 2015 at roughly 78%; Canada was lowest in 2005, and Canada and Sweden were joint lowest in 2015 at 70%. Why it matters: The original sentence misidentifies the 2005 leader and overlooks the joint-lowest figure in 2015.
- 7. Sentence rewrite Original: In contrast, the number of South Korean women who were working was only about 35% compared with a percentage which was more than double for men at over 70%. Suggested revision: In contrast, South Korean female employment rose from about 30% in 2005 to 35% in 2015, while the corresponding male rates were roughly 75% and 78%. Why it matters: The revision distinguishes the two years and reports the comparison using percentages accurately.
- 8. Qualify the overview Suggested revision: State that female employment rose in all three countries, while male employment followed a mixed pattern and fell in Sweden. Why it matters: The overview incorrectly implies that all employment percentages increased.
Suggested Rewrites
- the number of men in employment was greater than the number of women the percentage of employed men was higher than that of employed women
- lower than men lower than that of men
- over the two years in both years
- the figures had risen female employment rates had risen
- over half of the women were working the female employment rate exceeded 50%
- South Korea has the highest rate of male employment – approximately 75% in 2005, rising slightly to about 78% in 2015 – and Canada has the lowest – just over 60% in 2005 and 70% in 2015. Sweden had the highest male employment rate in 2005, at about 78%, while South Korea led in 2015 at roughly 78%; Canada was lowest in 2005, and Canada and Sweden were joint lowest in 2015 at 70%.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response is well organised and uses generally clear, varied language to compare the two years. Its main limitation is task accuracy: the overview wrongly implies every rate rose, and the discussion overlooks Sweden's fall in male employment while misidentifying the highest and lowest male figures. Prioritise checking every overview claim and major comparison directly against both charts before adding detail.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A clear overview and several relevant comparisons are provided, but notable claims about universal growth and male rankings are inaccurate.
Revise the overview and male comparisons to show Sweden's decline and the correct highest and joint-lowest figures in each year.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is grouped logically into an overview, male data and female data, with clear progression throughout.
Reduce repeated framing such as 'in all of the countries covered' and make transitions between years more economical.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a sufficient range of comparison and trend vocabulary with generally appropriate word choice.
Use 'percentage' or 'proportion' consistently instead of 'number' when describing employment rates.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of complex comparative structures is handled accurately, and errors do not impede understanding.
Refine awkward comparative phrasing such as 'a percentage which was more than double for men' into a more direct structure.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The bar charts below show the percentages of men and women in employment in three countries in 2005 and 2015.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.